Why Masturbation Should Be Taught in Sex Ed

When it comes to masturbation, people are extremely squeamish. It’s just not something that we talk about, and it’s certainly not something we learn about in school. The Clinton administration fired Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders, M.D., in 1994 for suggesting that masturbation should be taught in sex ed. Public opinion has come a long way, but most states are still in the trenches of sex negativity when it comes to views on sexuality. Even today, if a public official were to suggest that masturbation be adopted into mainstream sex ed public-school curricula, it isn’t far-fetched to assume they would meet the same fate as Elders.

Meanwhile, masturbation has long been classified as a normal and healthy part of human sexual behavior. There is also no evidence that masturbation has any negative effects on health whatsoever.

Studies have found that 74% of male adolescents and 48% of female adolescents ages 14 to 17 masturbate. Among older adults, roughly 63% of men and 32% of women ages 57 to 64 masturbate. One study found that 95% of women in Germany have masturbated at least once in their lives. Another study found that 95% of people have masturbated at least once in their lives. Practically all humans masturbate. Hell, ultrasounds have even found fetuses self-stimulating in utero.

If everyone’s doing it, why aren’t we talking about it?

It’s complicated. There is a disconnect between parents and schools about who should be talking about sex with kids. Studies have shown that parents play a crucial role in the development of healthy sexual attitudes, yet we consistently see parents confining talk of sex to “The Talk” and expecting health class to do the rest. SIECUS: Sex Ed for Social Change has found that 89% of voters think sex ed belongs in a middle-school sex ed curriculum and a large majority think that it should include information about contraception, sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and sexual orientation.

However, the word “masturbation” is nowhere to be found in the survey. It doesn’t even come up as a question.

Many (if not most) American communities are still neck-deep in religious views of sexuality. These are the same communities that gave birth to such myths as: masturbation will make you go blind, you’ll get addicted to your vibrator and cause nerve damage, and nice girls and boys don’t masturbate.

Masturbation, or self-stimulation of the genitals, is sex one has with themself. It doesn’t put you at risk for STI transmission or unwanted pregnancy. It belongs in every sex ed curriculum, because it is the safest sex there is.

Masturbation Is Normal

Masturbation is a normal part of human sexuality and it’s high time we actually talked about it. Katherine Zagone, N.D., medical director and sexual wellness expert at Gentera, a medical center that specializes in regenerative medicine, with locations in Los Angeles, Miami, and Boca Raton, Florida, says that the lack of education we have around masturbation doesn’t protect kids from sex—it actually harms them. “Our current puritanical, shameful view of the act only negatively impacts our mental health,” she told TheBody.

What’s more, it’s actually good for you. When we orgasm, our brains release a whole host of feel-good chemicals that bring about a state of calm and wellbeing. The main ingredient? Oxytocin—nature’s own painkiller and “love hormone.” Oxytocin plays a part in our overall wellbeing. This little hormone has been scientifically proven to decrease anxiety. I don’t know if you remember being an adolescent, but anything that decreases the anxiety of going through puberty is kind of a winner.

The Stigma Needs to Go

If we want to raise sexually healthy kids, we have to change the way we talk about sex—and this includes sex we have with ourselves. We need to teach kids about masturbation, because it’s the only way to end the stigma around it. If we are so uncomfortable with the topic of self-stimulation that we can’t even discuss it, what kind of message does that send? Maturing kids are already self-conscious about enough; their genitals should not be on the list.

Sex and relationship therapist Cyndi Darnell, M.H.Sc., explains that taking the stigma out of masturbation will help to replace our shame-based sex ed with pleasure-based sex ed. This is key to healthy sexual development. “When we believe something is worthy and important, it helps us feel better about what we are doing,” she said in an interview. “When we can accept and value what brings us pleasure, we’re less likely to act out in shameful [and] harmful ways against ourselves and others.”

If we don’t talk about masturbation, the shameful myths around masturbation promoted by sex-shaming religious leaders will continue to get transferred to our kids. “Not teaching people about masturbation creates and reinforces the idea that masturbation is a shameful practice, which is based in moral judgments and not evidence-based public health,” says Andrea Barrica, founder of the sex education website O.school.

Knowledge Is Power

Teaching kids about masturbation would lower STI rates, make them more comfortable with their bodies, raise the age at which kids have sex, and would help to close the orgasm gap. Studies show that when parents talk to their kids about sex in a positive and affirming way, they tend to wait longer to have sex.

“Masturbation is the key to safe sex for kids and teenagers,” says Moushumi Ghose, MFT, a licensed sex therapist. “What better way to promote safe sex than by teaching them about masturbation, to pleasure themselves, to take care of their own needs first. The global effect of embracing masturbation for kids would be profound.” When we empower kids with knowledge, we give them the tools to make healthy decisions for themselves.

Additionally, teaching kids about masturbation is about more than pleasure, it’s about bodily autonomy. “Masturbation can be taught in context of bodily autonomy—the idea that your body is your body. Other people need to ask for consent to touch your own body, and you need to get consent before touching anyone else’s body,” Barrica says.

Sex Ed Should Be Comprehensive and Ongoing

Sex educators often point to the Netherlands as a gold standard. There, sex education begins when children are 4 years old and continues throughout their schooling. Education begins with conversations about consent and becomes more advanced as children become older.

The U.S. should take a lesson from the Dutch. Dutch teens consistently have lower rates of unwanted pregnancies and STIs compared to American teens.

Conversations about sex should be ongoing, taking place both in the home and in schools. We need to step away from the idea that sex education can be fully explored in one 50-minute class. All humans have sexuality, and developing healthy attitudes about sex means having age-appropriate conversations about sex from a young age. “We often wait until kids are about 10 or 11 to begin sex education. But children are sexual beings and are touching themselves [and are] curious and experimenting with each other at ages as young as 4 and 5,” Ghose says.

While we’re waiting for sex ed to play catch up and get its head into 2020, we need to educate parents about how to talk about sex with their kids at home. The idea of talking about sex with your child may make your skin crawl, and that’s understandable given the sociopolitical and socioreligious messaging you’ve likely been exposed to throughout your life. Luckily, there are a ton of amazing resources available, including Sex Positive Families, Scarleteen, and the Planned Parenthood YouTube page.

The only way we end stigma and raise sexually healthy adults is by talking about sex. Shame isn’t inherent—it is learned. Once you establish sex as something normal and OK to discuss, you suck the shame out of it.