waiting for an OI to hospitalize me so that I'll be finally diagnosed correctly
Hello DR. Bob,
I feel like crying. Especially since I've written to you several times with my concerns but you have not answered yet answer some dude asking about a man-purse. God I feel like shit.
Anyways, after testing negative on 3 seperate occasions (up to six months out) I feel that the best way to get a correct diagnosis is for me to finally get an OI that lands me in the hospital. I hate living with this what if over my head. I tested negative yet I continue to have thrush ( i did the spit test and can scrape it off of my tongue but it will be there the next day), tingling in my hands and feet, night sweats, and weight loss. I am scared of the uncertainty.
Scared of the uncertainty??? What uncertainty??? You've had three negative HIV tests out to six months. Those tests are definitive and conclusive. There is no uncertainty about this whatsoever! You are HIV negative and yet you "feel like crying . . . feel like shit . . . etc." The reason you feel so terrible is depression and anxiety, not HIV!
You state: "I feel the best way to get a correct diagnosis is to finally get an O.I. that lands me in the hospital." Since there is irrefutable evidence that you are not HIV positive, you'll be waiting a long time. In fact, you'll never get an HIV-related O.I., because HIV is definitely not your problem. No way. No how. Since you're waiting around, convinced every tingle could have no other conceivable explanation other than your (nonexistent) HIV infection, I would very strongly suggest you seek psychiatric help. Depression, anxiety and irrational fears are significant and very real medical problems that are amenable to proper treatment. What do you have to lose, except your unwarranted fears and anxiety-ridden uncertainties? Bring a copy of this post with you to your first visit and show it to your psychiatrist. It will help facilitate and focus your therapy.
Good luck! Remember: HIV is not your problem!