Ive been HIV+ since 1994, and had up until about a month ago reached 10 years of sobriety from meth. Ive worked in the construction trade for my whole life. I worked with pneumatic tools for years while employed as a traffic signal technician until a back injury six months before I was diagnosed with HIV. I have only worked as an energy management technician for air conditioners for seven years since my diagnosis. The job required more physical energy then I was able to put out and I had to go on Social Security. My immune system does great against HIV, I havent been on HARRT for two years now. My problem is fatigue and myalgia. I live and perform tasks on a priority basis. I own a home thanks to sobriety, but with owning a home comes responsibilities. Instead of the feeling guilty, overloaded, dependent, debilitated and weak because Im not getting anything done I used meth again. I used to be an IV drug user: Im only smoking it now. It gives me the energy to finish many projects and has made me feel less depressed and more hopeful about the future. Im tired of being tired and feel like Im worthless. My muscles all around my body hurt, I have tendonitis in my arms and numbness in my hands, my legs hurt and the way people describe neuropathy I think I suffer from another problem. Should I let my doctor know about my using meth and how it has enabled me to lead a more normal life ?
Restarting meth after 10 years of sobriety is a colossal mistake and I'm fairly certain you realized this. Meth may make you feel less depressed, more hopeful and more productive for a short period while you are using, but ultimately it will have just the opposite effect. It can also be extremely harmful to your health. Should you tell your doctor? Absolutely. And your sobriety coach, twelve step counselor, support groups, etc. Make use of whatever mechanism you used to help you with your decade of sobriety. You've fallen off the proverbial bandwagon. How hard the landing will be is up to you.