Two years ago I was weak and stupid during a rough patch in my marriage and life and went to some massage parlours and had received unprotected oral sex and had protected vaginal sex. I have cried, and feel almost like eternal guilt for what I did. I love my wife and would die for her ... My excuse is simply none... I was a loser and weak bastard. I hate myself for what I did and I am trying through prayer to Jesus and God to please forgive me and such. I recently after 2 years of deception started to have a few maybe 4 tiny tiny cramps or tiny aches in my back of my skull and sometime sides and front. I forgot my wife's name for 5 seconds one day and I lost it emotionally. I took my wife's advice and went to our family doctor ... We started with meet and greet and blood test requests after I told him what I was experiencing. He gave me a sheet and said we do mandatory hiv blood tests here. I said ok and inside I am freaking out cause of what I know I did more than a few times 2 years ago. Docs what is the chance that I caught something!? Im so terrified and have to wait 10 more days for the results. Will I lose my wife ... Is my life over ... I'm at my witts end and in a very very bad place.
I have called hiv hotlines and they think I'm ok and some even said there is no need to get tested.... And nothing to worry about ... I'm confused and greatly disturbed and hanging by a thread! Also docs say hiv is hard to contract !?!? Lost for words please help!!!!!!!
First we all make mistakes it is how we make up for them in how we move forward. With your faith as I share you are forgiven. Now is to put your mind at rest. Your encounter you did everything right by using protection. Oral sex carries the lowest risk of HIV transmission and we know that condoms give the protection needed from HIV.
Now there are other sexually transmitted infections that are much easier to get. But you would see symptoms of those much earlier and they would have been sores or drainage from your penis.
Going into the doctor and getting a full evaluation which I'm happy to hear includes HIV testing as everyone should know their status.
I know waiting is the hard part but getting this peace of mind will help you towards healing your relationship and hoping that a lesson has been learned! Relationships are hard work and the best way to work through that is with one another not looking outside of the relationship.
Be well and stay safe, Shannon