Strangest but Truest Posts of 2010 in TheBody.com's "Ask the Experts" Forums
As an action-packed year for the HIV/AIDS community draws to a close, TheBody.com takes stock of 2010 in a new series of articles, "HIV/AIDS Year in Review: Looking Back on 2010 (and Ahead to 2011)." Read the entire series here.
We scoured our "Ask the Experts" forums and nominated 10 posts we feel are the "best of the worst" of 2010 (or the worst of the worst, depending on how you look at it). They're some of the oddest, most nonsensical questions we've seen people ask about HIV this year. Some are shocking, some are sad, many are hilarious -- and they're all reminders of how far we still have to go to educate the world about HIV.
Hundreds of you voted on which of the 10 finalists represented the most bizarre post from our "Ask the Experts" forums during the past year. Each post was rated from 1 (not strange) to 5 (extremely strange). We then tallied up the votes and calculated their average ratings.
The "Winner" (a.k.a. the Loser)
Great Ways to Spend Your Lunch Break at Work?
(Average Rating: 4.42)
I used the handle of a spoon as a dildo. I forgot to wash the handle before I used it but it didn't look dirty. While using it I got a cut around my anus, which bled a little. The spoon was in a kitchen drawer at a busy workplace. I'm pretty sure nobody'd touched it for at least an hour. Any risk of HIV if somebody with a cut on their hand touched the spoon an hour before I stuck it in my butt?
The Final Nine
Here's how the nine other finalists shook out:
Making My Own Latte With Extra Foam
(Average Rating: 4.37)
During a recent trip to a country with high HIV rates, I had some funny-tasting coffee. I spat most of it out, but I started thinking that there might have been semen in the coffee. So I experimented by putting some of my own semen into a cup of water and drinking it. The taste and texture were very similar to the coffee I had abroad, so I concluded that it WAS someone's semen in the coffee. Is there any risk of HIV transmission this way?
Hair Pull on Purse -- or Dastardly HIV-Transmission Plot?
(Average Rating: 4.27)
As I was getting out of my car and putting my purse on my shoulder I felt my hair being pulled, possibly by the chain of my purse strap. It pulled a few strands of my hair, making me feel a sharp pain. However, I can't stop thinking about how maybe someone was right behind me, injecting my head with some HIV-positive blood. I am currently involved in a law suit against someone and think it may be that person -- or someone who knows my fear of HIV and wants to make it come true!
Talk About a Twisted Sister!
(Average Rating: 4.14)
Two weeks ago, my evil sister put my ex's urine or vaginal fluid (I'm not sure which) on my cat. I unsuspectingly closed-lip kissed the cat moments later. Now I've got symptoms! Am I at risk for HIV infection?
When Hosts Forget to Serve Snacks to Their Guests ...
(Average Rating: 4.13)
While I was at my friend's house, I licked and smelled a couple of dirty thongs from her clothes hamper. The day after the thong-licking I had diarrhea. Could I have gotten HIV or another sexually transmitted disease this way?
See Spot Lick Dick -- See Dick Get Spots?
(Average Rating: 4.00)
I caught my son in the bathroom getting his crotch licked by our dog. I have since taken the dog to a family that will take better care of it because I can't trust my son anymore. My son is 15 and hasn't had sex, other than getting his crotch licked by the dog. I'm afraid he will get a sexually transmitted disease or something from the dog. Is this possible?
Revenge of the Mad Cleaner?
(Average Rating: 3.86)
I am a frequent masturbator and even have a masturbation dhoti (loincloth), which I haven't washed for several months. My place is vacuumed once a week by a cleaner who doesn't like me. Last week the cleaner tidied my room in my absence. My masturbation dhoti was within sight, and I have reason to believe he masturbated in it. About 24 hours after the cleaner did this act, I put on my dhoti, watched porn and masturbated. Some parts of the dhoti were hard and crusty. Assuming the horned-up cleaner ejaculated into my dhoti and that he is HIV positive, could I have contracted HIV this way?
Yogurt: Low in Fat, Heavy on Semen?
(Average Rating: 3.64)
Someone put his semen in my yogurt, and I know that person has sexually transmitted diseases. Can HIV be transmitted this way?
HIV Prevention Tips From a "Cunning Linguist"
(Average Rating: 3.49)
I like licking a woman's vagina. I think I have a safe solution that doesn't require latex or Saran Wrap, which take the joy out of cunnilingus. How about pouring chocolate or strawberry jam over the vaginal area? I've heard HIV is fragile; would these toppings kill HIV, making "lunch at the Y" a virus-free affair?
Does HIV Make People Have More Sex So It Can Spread Itself?
(Average Rating: 3.48)
I read in a book recently that HIV infection can cause those afflicted to become hypersexual. The author said the virus increased the amount of sex infected people had, so that it could spread to more hosts. Is there any validity in this whatsoever?