I did something horribly foolish and scary


Okay this is very hard for me to talk about but here is the story. I am a heterosexual male who has at times had bisexual fantasies. The general scenario is that I could become very turned on by the, but then after ejaculation become completely turned off by them and wonder what I was ever thinking. I don't know how common this is, but it;s the best way I can explain it.

As it happens on Saturday (ahout three days ago) I went out drinking with some friend, one of whom happens to be gay. I got very, very drunk, and as we were leaving the pub, my gay friend insisted on walking home with me. To make a long story short he came onto me, and being intoxicated, and also having some bi-curious thoughts I did not immediately turn him down. He was very agressive about it, and became more agressive as it went on. He eventually said her wanted to "ride me" and for reasons I can't explain I agree, and put a condom on (I always carry condoms just in case". He attempted to insert me into him, but failed, and then took the condom off and started performing oral on me before once again attempting insertion, this time succeeding. I do not know why I allowed this to happen, but I was a mess, I was not happy, not enjoying myself, and completely overwehlmed about how to stop it. My initial curosity has given way to a full realization that this was not something I enjoyed, but I felt like I had lost control of my body, it was awful! It only went on for a few second before I made him stop, there was no ejaculation by either of us. Over the course of the encounter, in which I was in an indesicribable mental fog, he also performed anallingus on me, pentrated me with his finger in a rough way that has left me very sore even three days later, and also attempted to penetrate me with his penis, though I don't think that he succeeded.

The day after aside from a very sore anal region I felt normal. But by afternoon I had developed dirrahea, which I attributed to anxiety. But by the day after that I woke up with a severe headaache that has persisted every since, very swolen glands in my neck, tonsilitis, and one single very painful swolen gland in the upper portion of the right side of my groin.

I visited my doctor today and he ordered tests for just about everything, inlcuding mono, chalmyida, gonnorrhea, hep c, etc, but not HIV, which I understand would be useless now anyway.

As for my "friend", I have spoken to him and explained how horrible our encounter made me feel, and he has apologized profusely for his behavour, specically removing the condom. He says he did not realize I wasn't enjoying what was happening because he was too drunk. He insists that he always practices safe sex, and that I was an exception. He says he gets tested every month and is completley clean, and that he is certain I have nothing to be worried about.

Depspire is assurances I am still very worried. I guess I am hoping someone help me relax and feel better because anxiety has quickly taken over my life. All I have been doing since three days ago is read about HIV.

Thank you so much in advance.



Unprotected penetrative sex does put you at some degree of risk for STDs, including HIV. Consequently an HIV test at the three-month mark is warranted.

Your symptoms within several days after your walk on the wild side would not be related to HIV acute retroviral syndrome (ARS), as ARS symptoms take weeks to become manifest.

My advice:

  1. If you are still in contact with your horny buddy, ask if he'll get retested now. If he's HIV negative, you can significantly relax, as your HIV risk would then be limited to the very remote possibility that he is still in his window period.

  2. Get a single HIV-antibody test at the three-month mark.

  1. Consider psychotherapy to treat your anxiety induced by the stress of waiting through the window period for your definitive HIV test.

  2. Consider additional psychotherapy to explore sexual orientation issues. This recommendation is strongly advised!

Good luck.

Dr. Bob