serodiscordant with an HIV+ doctor

Question

I met and fell for a MD (family doctor) and he with me. I am HIV- and told him the first time we had sex. He was pleased, but a week after a weekend of sex I learned he was POS. For once I trusted a man as he was a doctor. I was wrong. We did oral and anal but did not ejaculate inside. From the hours of play I learned he has no pre-cum issues. He said it is ok as he originally had a small viral load and has been undetectable for the 2 years since learning he was POS. Claims he cannot transmit the virus at this time. I am now conscious of everything I do with him and I'm quite confused. I realize it will take months to know the impact. It may be too late, but how terrible a risk have I experienced? Since then, I have insisted on protection. He continues to assure me that I am ok. Help.

Answer

Hi,

It doesn't matter if he's a doctor or a butcher, baker, candlestick maker or a rightwing family values Bible-toting GOPer or pious preacher, you need to consider all your bedmates as potentially HIV positive and take all the necessary precautions to prevent the transmission of HIV (and other STDs). As for the list above, be particularly wary of those GOPers and pious preachers!

If indeed your hot-doc is on antiretroviral drugs, which have driven his HIV plasma viral load down to undetectable levels, his chance of transmitting the virus would be significantly reduced. However, his claims that he cannot transmit the virus are untrue. Insisting on latex condoms is definitely the correct thing to do.

Regarding your HIV-acquisition risk, oral sex would carry minimal risk. Unprotected anal, however, is much riskier. That he did not ejaculate inside does decrease the risk somewhat; however, because you did have a significant exposure, HIV-antibody testing is recommended at both three and six months.

Good luck! Maybe you should advise your hot-doc to check out the information on this site.

Dr. Bob