Hello there readers:
How many of you know about a site called change.org? I recently received an email from a doctor suggesting I start a campaign on this site. Has there been anyone who has made an issue about the HIV criminalization on this site? Who would be willing to do so for me? There has been so much progress on this over these last twenty-plus years, thanks to science.
Since I have been in the Oregon prison system, I have done lots of research on HIV. When I was arrested, there was a law on the books under the Oregon Revised Statutes (O.R.S.) 433.010 that said, "No person shall willfully cause the spread of any communicable disease within this state." Back then it was an "unclassified felony," and it was punishable by "no more than up to three years in the Oregon Department of Corrections." Now in 2016, it is a Class C Felony punishable up to five years in prison. Not much of an improvement.
The former prosecutor charged me with attempted murder to make his name in the media. He portrayed his superhero crime fighting efforts by locking up the "Modern-Day Jack the Ripper." I didn't think I was a monster the media made me out to be. On reconsideration, I was a person who needed a reality check, which I now have. I grew up in here with the help of many mental health professionals and people who actually saw potential in who I would turn out to be.
In those days I was in my early twenties, I had serious self-esteem issues and I had no confidence either. There was a personal inner battle with who I was and who I wanted to be. The way I wanted to be perceived by the women I was trying to impress was distorted by living in my own reality. I lied so much it was sickening to look in a mirror even to comb my hair. I had no clue how to be a good person to anyone that mattered. I would engage in sexual relationships knowing I had the HIV virus. Being HIV positive and not being honest about that, and even hiding it from sexual partners, was a horrible thing to do. I would lead women on to make them believe I was the greatest thing ever in their lives; little did they know I was the worst possible thing they could invest their time and emotions in. It's a miracle none of them killed me. My priorities in those days were solely focused on how to sexually satisfy women so they wouldn't want to leave despite all of my lies and personality disorders.
Part of this behavior was due to me being an undiagnosed young adult with autism -- more specifically, Asperger syndrome. I don't want you to think for one second that I will use this as any kind of excuse for my behavior decisions. One woman by the name of Dr. Temple Grandin who wrote a book called Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships has taught me a lot about who I am and why I did and do the things I do. I need to make more self-repairs and be honest no matter how painful it'll be for me. I had a blatant disregard for other human beings by not taking into consideration their feelings, no wonder they would walk away from me. Some would run away screaming and who can blame them? I can't or won't!
In the early 1990s, HIV was an automatic death sentence, and it was a horrible way to go. Hepatitis C used to be a death sentence. Syphilis was a death sentence. Even diabetes used to be a death sentence before insulin and the other medicines to help control it. All the years in prison, I have heard of only ONE person charged in criminal court with using hepatitis C to hurt people. I don't know what happened to him. Is it a common thing for people with other diseases to get criminally charged?
As you readers know, I am fighting to one day get out of here and build some type of life. Being alone and single for many years, I am used to this way of life. One day I hope to find someone who reads my blogs, so she'll know the man I've become and where I am in my mental and emotional growth. What better way to have anyone get to see inside of someone else than by reading his personal thoughts in an online blog? There will be several chapters I will open up to get it all out so I can free myself of all this baggage.
At the top of my blog I talked about change.org, asking for someone to get my plea for help out there by asking people all over the world to write the Oregon governor in support of my clemency application via this website. I have made several changes in my life, and I think that I am ready to be free. If you think it would matter, would you please help?
As usual, I am grateful that you read my words, and I hope that I can inspire you to do something good for someone who needs it!
Stay healthy and stay safe.