Sasquatch ate my PB&J Sandwich!!!!!!(Aliens are just silly)

Question

Hey Doc,

  I wanted to follow up with my last post for reassurance, if you have time. I have completed my 89 Day Oraquick Advance last week and it was negative.  I am still concerned because of my partner (who has remained monogamous) has developed pain in the elbow and longer than usual menstruation.  She has also mirrored some of my symptoms after mine had resolved, so I was hoping you could answer these questions:
  1. I had a low lymphocyte count for two months at 1.2 Absolute, and took a course of Bactrim DS for 30 days for prostatitis. Could either of these affect antibody production and the test?

2)I also forgot to note that I had a 17 pound weight loss in one month, should I be concerned?

3)Can HIV symptoms remain at 12 weeks after intercourse?

4)Would you recommend I test out to six months?

Am I being silly about all this and can I Woo Hoo? Please?

I promise not to mention the Windigo hiding the DVR remote next time I write in!

Answer

Hello,

  1. No.

  2. No. (Sasquatch has been eating your PB&J sandwiches. No wonder you're losing a bit of weight.)

  3. Moot point, because you don't have HIV!

  4. Nope!

Extra unnumbered questions:

Are you being silly? Yep!

Can you WOO-HOO? I don't know, can you? Certainly you should and have every right to, but can you? You tell me!

As for Windigo hiding the DVR, I doubt it. Chances are he ate it just like last time.

Finally, as for "Aliens are just silly," ohhhh, now you're in real trouble! Gort, the robot from The Day the Earth Stood Still (the original 1951 film with Michael Rennie, not the lame 2008 remake with Keanu Reeves) is really, really pissed. I think he just may do something worse than poop in your brain this time.

Dr. Bob

Aliens Have Pooped in My BRAIN! Jun 7, 2009

Doc,

"Protected Exposure" (Not sure if apparatus worked as I noticed no semen in condom) with massage girl back in March. Have had crazy symptoms starting about 10 days afterwards to include diarrhea (green and tan stools, liquid) vomiting, diarrhea, fatique and skin issues (itchiness, spider angiomas, and mystery black macule on sole that has went away). Doctor noticed a "psoriaform rash" on glans,and treated me for prostatitis and anxiety. I have white spotting on finger nail tips and was also seen for burning on urination. CBC has shown high neutrophils and low lymphocytes going all the way down to 1.2 absolute. Tests include Oraquicks at 9, 49 and 74 days all negative. Elisa at 5.2 weeks negative and DNA PCR w/ICMA negative at 22 days. Starting a few days ago, I have matching bruises on upper thighs, perpindicular to scrotum and one located down my arm about 4 inches from center of my armpit.

Do you think I am going to be okay? What are my chances with the negative tests?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

I would say the chances of aliens having pooped in your brain are infinitely greater than the chances you are HIV infected.

Dr. Bob