Repeated lies from HIV+ partner

Question

My partner first told me he had Hepatitis; weeks later he admitted HIV+ status. He told me his lifestyle could only have allowed infection to have occurred via drug use 22 yrs ago;then I learned he was having unprotected sex with male pros the year before we met. He told me his roommate was a friend's friend who needed help; Later I learned they were life partners for 10 years, but lived together after breakup due to roommate's dependent personality disorder. Im I dealing with a Sociopath? An ego-dystonic bisexual? Can memory loss account for such dishonesty? Is he in denial?

Answer

From the little you told me in the e mail it is not possible to say any more than your current partner is not comfortable telling the whole truth when initially questioned. He may be socioathic, just a compulsive liar or someone who does not see or believe in the benefits of honest disclosures about important historical aspects of his life.

No matter, in any case I would find it difficult to have any deep level of trust in anything he told me at this point. I would assume from how understandably hurt and angry you are that you must be questioning the foundations of this relationship. How could you not be? His being HIV+ does not seem to have very much to do with his lack of honesty or trustworthiness. If I were you I would be seriously asking myself what I was doing with a man who treated me with so little respect as be so dishonest with me about so many important issues. It certainly does not bode well for a genuinely intimate or trusting relationship.

Michael Shernoff, MSW