Question

18 mnths ago I gave a premiscious gay man oral sex for about 10 mins. He didn't cum as he was very drunk. We gave it up as a bad job. I had a cold at the time and have had problems with gingivitus but I did not brush my teeth prior. I have only been worried since my girlfriend and I had a child 6 mnths ago, it was then that the implications of infection hit me. Do you think I should worry. This is the only risky episode I have had. My child is very healthy but myself and girlfriend have suffered loose stools more regularly since she was born. My childhood eczema has re-occurred and my girlfriend has taken 6+ mnths to recover from her episiotomy. Are these symptoms. Thank you for your time.

Answer

What you describe may or may not be symptoms that have significance for your long-term health (please remember, I am not a medical doctor and am not a substitute for one), but there is nothing about your symptoms and history that suggests that you are at significant risk for HIV infection. Performing oral sex on a man does pose some risk for infection, but oral sex is generally considered low-risk, especially if the insertive partner does not ejaculate in your mouth. The pre-cum of HIV infected people can contain HIV, and it is possible to be infected through oral contact with pre-cum, but it seems to be a rare occurrence in the scheme of things.

This does not mean that you are not at risk for infection. Getting an HIV antibody test may help resolve your anxiety about your health and your family, or at least give you the answers you are looking for.

Clearly your concern arises from the fear that your partner and child may have been exposed to HIV. Sometimes this concern can be exaggerated by feelings of guilt. There is nothing wrong with having sexual experiences with someone of the same sex, and the shame many people feel about same-sex encounters or desires cause deep conflict. It is important to be aware of the conflicts that sexual activity outside of your primary relationship may cause, look at the underlying motivation for your actions, and do your best to take steps to resolve that conflict. What will happen if you find yourself having sexual contact with another man again? Are there steps you can take to reduce the possibility of future anxiety about infection (use a condom for oral or anal sex, engage in mutual masturbation)? Or is this an issue you need to address with your current partner? These are complex questions, but ignoring them may just perpetuate the stress and conflict you are experiencing.

RMK