i'm a poz male and my boyfriend is neg he's scared of me what can i do if anything??

Question

I've been dating this great guy now for about 5 months. I told him right off the bat that i was hiv + and he said that he was ok with it back then, but now he's having major issues with it. He's thinking about leaving me saying that he's scared of contracting the virus from me we have safe sex when i top always. and he doesn't wear a condom when he tops. he's ok with him topping but he can't have a relationship just being the top. I really care about him a great deal and want to know if there's anything that i can do to educate him on the risks of dating a poz person. and actually i was wondering the statistics myself what are the chances of him getting hiv from me right now with the way things are. and what if we both used condoms what would the risks be then. He's said that if I was neg the relationship would be totally different and alot of the stress would be gone.

As of late he's become really emoationally unavailable twards me and started pushing me away. as i said before I really don't want to lose him but do i have a choice?? Anything you could do to help me out would be greatly appreciated!!

thanks,

Answer

Hi,

Apparently both you and your boyfriend need information about safer sex guidelines. That he is topping you without protection places him at considerable risk of acquiring HIV. You both need to use latex condoms for all penetrative sex. Your possible soon-to-be ex-boyfriend also needs to get HIV tested now and, if negative, again at three and six months (due to his significant exposure to a partner confirmed to be poz). The estimated per-act risk for acquiring HIV from unprotected insertive anal sex with a partner known to be HIV poz is 6.5 per 10,000 exposures. This increases to 50 per 10,000 for receptive anal sex. These statistics are only generalized estimates and cannot be specifically applied as actual risk for an individual coupling, because there are many potential variables that come into play viral strain, viral load, concurrent infections, etc.

My advice would be that both you and your boyfriend spend some time reading through the information in the archives of this forum in the chapters titled "Magnetic Couples," HIV Prevention (Sexual)" and "HIV Transmission (Sexual)." Communication is key in all relationships and is absolutely essential in magnetic relationships. If your friend does pack up and leave, remember, he's rejecting the virus, not you. He'd also be leaving for all the wrong reasons, in my opinion. I too am in a magnetic relationship and consequently I do understand the challenges of mixed serostatus. But at 14 years and counting, I can attest to the fact that magnetic relationships can and do work!

Good luck to you both.

Dr. Bob