HIV and its psychological effects

Question

I am an HIV-neg male. I recently met another guy who is HIV-poz. There's no way I can know what it feels like to live with the disease. But we tried dating. In the beginning he was TOTALLY comfortable with everything (kissing, cuddling, even a little messing around). Then about a month into our dating, he turned the complete opposite direction saying how it was too much for him, too quickly and that he had a fear of spreading the disease to me. Now is there any information you can offer to me as far as what I can do to make him feel more comfortable with both himself and me? What is going on in the minds of the many HIV-poz people who find something 'comfortable,' but then somehow push it away?

Answer

Hi,

This is a difficult and not all that uncommon problem. (See below for an example. There are many more in the archives.) Everyone's situation is a bit different and therefore there is no one specific answer to your question. Magnetic relationships (one poz, one neg) can be extremely challenging for both partners. I would suggest you (and hopefully your potential future husband) read through the information in the chapter "Magnetic Couples" in the archives of this forum. It's a good place to begin, as it addresses many issues that magnetic couples face. Communication is key.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Fear of HIV Jul 1, 2008

Dear Robert. I've been living with HIV since 1992 without any medication. Now I work for an HIV organization based in Cornwall UK. I read articles and other material all over the internet but I never find anything targeted to HIV negative people who are afraid of contracting HIV. I am currently very attracted to a woman which finds me very attractive too, but because she is terrified about HIV she doesn't want to meet me. What can I do to dissipate her fear and live a happy and safe relationship ?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

You never find anything targeted at HIV-negative people who are afraid of contracting HIV??? WHAT??? Hmm . . . well there are at least a gazillion posts in the archives of this forum addressing various aspects of that question. Have a look! As for your frightened new gal-pal, I'd suggest you have her read through the chapters in the archives of this forum dedicated to magnetic couples, sexual HIV transmission and safer sexual techniques.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob