My girlfriend is HIV+ but she lied


I am 30 years old man. I met my girlfriend last year and our first time together was on the 8th of December 2011, there was no sex but we had enough deep kissing, I know I got bad gums that most time when I brush my teeth, I could see blood coming out, we were actually together for 3 days and still no sex though she gave me oral sex twice and I didnt come inside her mouth but on her body. I went to see her again on the 28th of December and on my way there, there was this sudden fever I was experiencing on the train but I was hoping that I should be okay. When we met that night we had a protected sex for the first time and slept. Following morning I was so sick and the symptoms are hard fever, rashes, headache, sore throat and swollen gland inside my mouth. I heard to call the emergency doctor at night, on getting to the hospital, the doctor collected my urine sample, insert the strip and told me I got infection. He asked me to buy TRIMETHOPRIM, after about 1 week I was okay.

Our love life continues and as we dont live in the same town, we only see each other like twice every month. In February 2012, while we are having sex, the condom burst, I noticed immediately and told her, she quickly push me away and asked me to rinse my penis with soap and water. I did what she asked me to. I didnt stay up to 10 seconds inside her when the condom burst and to wash me penis everything happen in less than 1 minute. I asked what was happening and she told me she once got STD and she is still treating herself, I was keen about the particular one and she said Chlamydia.

Two weeks later, after kissing and oral, at the start of vaginal sex, the condom breaks again and only my penis went inside and I pulled out back immediately, I didnt wash my penis, I just change the condom and we had sex. I didnt feel any signs or symptoms but I went to see my doctor to test for STD, he did the test and told me I am okay and free of all kinds of STD. He even sent my urine to the laboratory for further test and the result came back normal.

I proposed to my girlfriend 2 weeks ago so that we can get married, she was just crying, I thought she was over-joy but later she told me she needs to confess and she lied in the past. When she told me she is hiv+, the shock nearly killed me and my breathing was above normal, I later calm myself down and handle the situation maturely so that she can feel secured. I got totally confused because I know we have had contact twice and kissing and oral are also there. We have had sex 10 times in total and all with condom, I always withdraw my penis, remove the condom with my right hand, and wank myself with the same right hand on her body. I have also come in her mouth once.

Now to my questions, even though my girlfriend always makes condom a must before we sex, I am so worried about my bad gums and the contact we have had together. She told me she was diagnosed in January 2011 and up till now she has not started taking any Anti-hiv medicine as the doctor told her she doesnt need it for now but maybe in the next 10 to 20 years. Is there any HIV virus like that? Even though I feel no symptoms but am I hiv+ already? Ever since she told me, I have been going through this stress and anxiety and I actually dont know what to do. Please help.


Hi I'm sorry that your girlfriend felt the need to lie about her situation. There is so much stigma surrounding someone's HIV status and disclosing. the good news is that you chose to wear condoms. Oral sex carries the lowest risk of HIV transmission, yes you are correct you having bad gums and bleeding does increase your risk. Wearing condoms during intercourse protects you from HIV.

The recommendations that I can give both to you and to your girlfriend. For her, she needs to get into care and on treatment. We KNOW that if someone living with HIV is on medication and has an undetectable viral load the risk of transmission decreases by 96%. For you getting tested to ensure you know your status.

Continuing your relationship is completely possible, both of you need to know how to protect yourselves and keep each other healthy.

Be well and stay safe, Shannon