Please help me with some questions I had a bout testing. So I was talking to this guy for months and we decided to finally engage in sexual activity. Well that night (oct 13) I performed oral and unfortunately very brief unprotected anal sex. The anal sex included him inserting me (the tip) and then thrusting a little bit, but that was uncomfortable so I got off immediately. It was very brief, but the fact that it was unprotected is the issue (later on I did develop a hemorrhoid). Later that month we stopped talking and I decided to make sure that I was okay. I texted him asking about his status and he claimed that he was negative and that he wouldnt lie about something so serious. Nonetheless I decided to get test. I was tested for HIV on the following dates
5 weeks (35 days)- 4th gen Test negative
8 weeks (55 days) 4th gen test negative
9 weeks (61 days)- Insti Rapid Hiv Test and other stds negative
12 weeks (82 days)- 4th gen Test negative
13 weeks (90 days)- Insti Rapid Hiv Test negative
15 weeks (102 days) - Insti Rapid HIv Test negative
All my tests came back negative consistently, but Im still scared that I may have contracted the virus. Also when I tested at 13 weeks the person I was with tested for hiv and came out negative and sent me the results. Im so scared that maybe he didnt have detectable antibodies or maybe that he made someone else take the test for him. Ive been a complete wreck and Im so scared!! Please help. Also the STD nurse who sees cases all the time said that because it was my first time ever, it was brief and I was negative past three months that my test is conclsuive. But another nurse a couple of days ago when I took my sister to get tested said six months was conclusive. Im beyond freaking out!!!!
There are times we have to accept "no" as an answer. This is one of those times.
All your tests are HIV negative. You do not have HIV. If you had HIV it would have definitely been seen in the 4th Generation test after 82 days (http://www.sfaf.org/hiv-info/testing/hiv-test-window-periods.html). I don't know what tests that nurse was talking about, I would go back and ask for them for any evidence or data to support their claim.
Although HIV Phobia is not an official clinical diagnosis, it certainly can be used to describe "A Paralyzing Fear of HIV Infection That Doesn't Exist." (https://www.verywellhealth.com/understanding-aids-phobia-48745). People with this condition suffer greatly in their personal lives, and are rarely assured by HIV negative tests or science. Culture, religion, even internalized homophobia can contribute to HIV phobia. I'd encourage to find a therapist in your area, particularly someone skilled in sexual conditions and Cognitive-Behavior Therapy (CBT) to get assistance.
Sex and intimacy can be a valuable and meaningful way of enhancing life experience. But if it brings you fear and anxiety like this you may want to wait until you can fully enjoy pleasure and play before trying it again. There is a way through this. I hope this information will help you to relax, breathe, and feel more affirmed about your future decisions.