Freaked out by counsellor reisk assessment. High Risk.

Question

Dear Good Doc,

I posted a question a while back regarding my exposure. To recap, I was on a US business trip and had an escort there give me unprotected oral sex for 10-15s after which I made her continue with condom-protected oral sex for 5mins. The condom looked intact after that. We did lick each others' nipples and she finished it off with a 10s handjob for me. You said that my unprotected oral sex risk was low and unlikely I will get infected. However I went for my 5-week test and the counsellor conducting the test told me I am at high risk. Although my test result came back negative, the risk assessment has freaked me out. Which part of my exposures above put me at high risk? Is unprotected oral sex really high risk? I am now worried to death. What am I going to do? Please help! :(

Answer

Hi,

What are you going to do? That's easy. Find a more knowledgeable counselor. The one you spoke to was obviously suffering from what we refer to as cranial-rectal inversion, which in non-medical terms means had his head up his butt.

My assessment remains unchanged. Your HIV risk is extremely low. The odds remain beyond astronomical that your definitive three-month HIV test will be negative.

Stop freaking out and start practicing your WOO-HOO. You're going to need it soon, OK?

Dr. Bob