On Dec. 10, 2010, Autumn Preusser found out she was HIV positive. Almost immediately, she began channeling her feelings of confusion, frustration and loneliness into a blog she created on Blogspot. The result is reposted here in its entirety. It's an honest, detailed chronicle of an experience all HIV-positive people share, and each person goes through in her or his own way: the first few months of learning to live with HIV.
Table of Contents
- Just Tested Positive (Monday, Dec. 20, 2010)
"I'm NOT, nor have I ever been a sex worker, escort or anything of the sort. I don't use IV drugs and I'm not promiscuous. Just the recipient of a shit storm of bad luck."
- Boyfriend Tested Negative (Tuesday, Dec. 21, 2010)
"Now though, I feel more alone than ever. I know how selfish that must sound. I don't mean for it to be. I would never wish this on him."
- Feeling Sorry for Myself (Wednesday, Dec. 22, 2010)
"I just feel like this HIV thing has isolated me and put me just out of reach of everyone else. ... I just don't feel like I belong anymore."
- Merry Christmas Everyone (Saturday, Dec. 25, 2010)
"I've been sort of just pretending that everything is OK. I hadn't realized how much this was affecting me until yesterday."
- Rough Beginnings for the New Year (Friday, Dec. 31, 2010)
"I keep telling myself that if I focus on all the things that are good in my life that this one part, HIV, won't seem quite as unbearable."
- Glimmer of Hope (Tuesday, Jan. 11, 2011)
"That's what it's all about now. Moving forward. It's easier said than done."
- Rescheduled HIV Doc Appointment (Saturday, Jan. 22, 2011)
"I really don't know what to expect for this first appointment, what they will do or anything. I hate being in the dark."
- Doctor Appointment and Lab Results (Friday, Feb. 18, 2011)
"Overall, my counts and everything are A LOT better than I thought they would be."
- Starting Meds! (Wednesday, Mar. 9, 2011)
"The idea of having to take meds for the rest of my life was and is kind of sobering. I deal with the thought better each time I take them though."
- Med Changes and Hope (Sunday, Apr. 10, 2011)
"I could be on meds and feel good, we just had to find the right combo. I was so relieved when I realized I didn't have to feel bad to combat HIV."