Question

I just read the question from the person that wrote "Will I Ever Forgive Myself? which was dated Sep 21, 2014"

I feel the same way and have day in and day out. I was diagnosed in 2008 and let me say that since then I've not had one minute of joy in my life. All I want is to die. Everyone that I've told about the virus has rejected me. I can't get a date and am lonely all the time. The doctors here on the body have no idea how difficult this is to live with. I just long for the day that I will die so all this sadness and pain will go away. I've been seeing a psychiatrist since 2008 and this past December starting seeing a therapist as well. I am on four different anti-depressants, take sleeping meds to just be able to sleep. I stay in the bed 18 out of 24 hours and no one says/does anything that seems to be able to help me. Most of my family is deceased and my only gay friend died two years ago from HIV. I would have long ago committed suicide but I am too much of a coward to do that. I really understand how you feel...

Answer

Thank you for writing. It saddens me to read about the level of emotional pain you have been experiencing. I am glad you are seeing both a psychiatrist and therapist and hope that they are able to provide you, over time, with some relief. I would encourage you to be certain to discuss both loss and acceptance with them. Being diagnosed in 2008 you have the advantage of medications and medical knowledge that should spare you the terrible losses seen earlier in the epidemic. But despite our advances, stigma remains strong and can cause great emotional pain.

Please continue to seek solutions and if you have suicidal thoughts or ideas please get help immediately.

Best wishes to you,

David