Fear of HIV keeping me from sex


Hello Dr Frascino, I am an x-worrier that you helped a few years ago (I was the guy that thought the doctor I went to see was Sadam (he had a sword in his office). Anyway I have not worried about HIV because I haven't had sex since I got the negative result (3+ years ago). Problem is I am so tired of masturbating and chicks (and gay guys) hit on me all the time. Its driving me nuts (no pun intended). I am so afraid of the fear I had of HIV that I do not want to take any risk at all. I know all about safe sex w/condom but I am Italian and there is no way I am going to be able to have sex without doing oral. I have seen a therapist for a long time, tried brain meds, etc etc etc and nothing helps. I love sex. Life w/o sex just seems so wasteful. I dont know what to do anymore. Any suggestions? Grazie.


Buon Giorno,

Welcome back to the forum! You're Italian and you haven't had sex for over three years? Mamma Mia!!! Your salami is going to turn into a pepperoni if you don't get back into action soon. Kidding aside, I really do understand how intense (and irrational) the fear of HIV can be. You are indeed doing the correct thing by seeing a therapist to help you confront and conquer these unwarranted worries. If the therapist you have been seeing "for a long time" really isn't helping, I'd suggest getting a second opinion. There are psychologists and psychiatrists who have considerable experience in managing problems like yours. (These types of problems are more common than you might imagine.) Consider checking with a local HIV specialist to get a referral. I agree: going without sex merely because you have irrational fears is indeed an undesirable and totally unacceptable situation. Just think of all the chicks (and gay guys) you are depriving of your, uh, Italian "talents". Certainly it will be helpful to find partners you trust and, of course, it remains essential to play by all the safer sex rules. As part of a magnetic couple, I can assure you with firsthand experience that safer sex can be mind-blowing, toe-curling, own-name-forgetting, wake-the-neighbors fabulous. With the proper support and partner, you will, I'm confident, be back in the saddle again soon.

I'll reprint your initial post below. You should bring a copy of these posts and my replies to your first visit with your new therapist to help focus your treatment and speed your recovery. Don't let fear of HIV keep a good man down (so to speak).

Good luck!

Dr. Bob

Warts on penis and HIV: Done much research & still VERY confused! Apr 29, 2003

Dr. Franscino:

Thank you for taking time to read my post!

I have searched this website for an answere and can not find it.

I have read that STD's facilitate HIV infection. However the STD's that I have read about don't seem to include genital warts on the penis. I've heard all they (warts) do is lower your imune system and possibly give you some kind of psycological problems if they stay on you to long.

So I was wondering if genital warts on the head of the penis actually make it easier for an uncircumsized man to contact HIV (as do having sores from herpes or other other STD's). I am asking because I was recently diagnosed with warts and I have had some safer sex/lower risk (docking / grinding / mutual masturbation / limited genital to gential contact etc) encounters lately and I'm wondering if I should be concerned if the warts could actually turn something that is considered "safer" into something "unsafe"?

I have already made an appointment with a doctor to get rid of the little devils and I'm wondering if I should also get tested for HIV? The doctor I have seen does not seem to be up to date on HIV (he told me that as long as I ejaculate I could not get HIV because it would push it out of my penis and that there is no such thing as ARS (imagine that!) and according to everything I've read here that is a bunch of nonsense). I swear this doctor looks and sounds EXACTLY like Saddam Hussein -I think I even saw a sword in his office!

Thank you so much for any advice you could give me. As you can imagine my visit with the "Doctor" has left me quite confused.

God bless you and all your partners at THE BODY!

Response from Dr. Frascino


Your doctor told you what? Oh good grief, where did he get his medical degree? Perhaps in the mail from a home schooling program? And he looks like Saddam Hussein? Hey, maybe weve got something here. Your guy is an idiot, he looks like Saddam, and we still havent found Saddam, plus we know Saddam was an idiot as well, so maybe . . . . just maybe, its him! Call Rumsfelt! Are you sure you want this guy working on your Mr. Happy? I mean he does have a sword in the office . . . .

At any rate, what he told you is indeed nonsense. As for risk with genital warts, well actually, your sex partners were the ones really at risk for an STD. They may have contracted warts! And yes, HIV risk can be increased with warts, especially if they were traumatized or bleeding. Id suggest getting the warts treated (perhaps by someone other than Saddam and certainly not by someone using a sword), get HIV tested in 3 months just to be certain, and then continue to practice safe sex.

Dr. Bob

3rd follow up to genital warts - Dr Saddam was wrong!- no need to post (read only...) May 1, 2003

Dr Frascino -

Sorry to bother you AGAIN! I just wrote to you earlier today about a follow up to your "penis warts" answere.

I just wanted you to know that since I was so freaked out, I took the day off work and went to see a professional doctor at UCLA. Guess what? He examined me and told me that I DID NOT HAVE WARTS! He said that what Dr Saddam "thought" were warts were just normal bumps (I forget exactly what he called them) that every man has around the head of his penis. He said that warts look like califlours, not just little bumps.

Talk about a bad trip!

Just makes me really wish you and Ryan were living in my town - I'ld see you guys all the time.

God bless you!

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hey there!

Great news! See, I told you not to trust someone who looks like Saddam, has a sword in his medical office, and spews false information! Congratulations!

Since Ryan lives in NYC and I live in San Francisco, wouldnt it be better if you lived in one of our towns???

Stay well.

Dr. Bob