Drunk and stupid !

Question

Hi Damon,

I really hope to get your advise I was drunk and stupid to have sex with sex worker We had unprotected oral, protected vaginal and finish hand job (condom remove, she was on top of me) Later the night I notice there is a cut at my penis. Can you please advise whether I am at risk of hiv transmission? Is there possible that her vaginal fluid went through the cut? Please reply, please

Answer

Thank you for writing in. Based on the circumstances you describe, I can't see any opportunities for HIV infection to occur. HIV must be transmitted directly from the mucous membranes of one person into the mucous membranes of another through blood, semen, or vaginal fluids. It cannot live outside the body, and cannot be transmitted through casual contact such as kissing, touching, hugging, or mutual masturbation ("hand jobs").

What you don't mention here is if your partner in fact has detectable levels of HIV. In many parts of the world sex workers are tested more often than non-sex workers and less likely to transmit HIV to others. If they are living with HIV and have an undetectable viral load for six months or longer, then they are medically unable to transmit HIV to others.

So let's say for the sake of argument that she was living with HIV, and had a detectable (transmittable) viral load, and that you did not have protected vaginal sex. Even then a significant amount of her vaginal fluids would have to seep through an open cut on your penis in order to put you at any potential risk. If you had a bloody opening on your penis that was THAT vulnerable to receiving HIV, then you probably would not be so keen for having sex.

The only way you will truly get peace of mind from this is to get tested for HIV result and see the results for yourself. But from the encounter you describe, I don't see a route by which detectable HIV would have been able to have been transmitted to you.

And on a separate note, I don't see anything "stupid" about having sex with a sex worker. It is referred to the oldest profession for a reason - as long as we've had humans we've had a need for sex. For many people paying a sex worker is much easier and pleasurable than endless pursuing a partner in social media or in clubs or bars. If you continue to berate yourself for pursuing pleasure then you will likely continue to experience strain, anguish, and suffering when you have sex with anyone. Sex is human, sex is healthy, sex is fun. Even while drunk you report using protection for the activities that would have put you at risk for HIV. How is that 'stupid'?

Let's consider the possibility of just focusing on the objective truth. You got drunk. You paid for sex. You protected yourself. I believe it is is your morals putting you at most risk here, not HIV.

I hope this helps you to make sexual decisions that feel strong, fun, playful, and respectful for both you and your future partners. Enjoy!

To learn more about common fears and perceptions of how HIV is transmitted please visit us here : http://www.thebody.com/slideshows/ten-common-fears-about-hiv-transmission