Hi Dr. Bob!! Before I ask my question I just wanted to take a minute to thank you so much for the wonderful service you do for so many people across the United States and around the world. You are an angel! The way you handle everyone's questions with such humor and compassion really is something I admire! My question is: I had a couple incidents with guys I didn't know very well (I know, stupid, stupid)and I was wondering what the likelihood of me having HIV is. Let me preface this by saying I know that you are going to say these activities are low risk but if theres even a slight possibilty I could have something I want to know if I need to go back and get tested. Incident 1: received oral sex, got tested 14 weeks later...negative Incident 2: Made out with a guy, we dry humped with our underwear and jeans on (no clothes came off at all) and I freaked out, went to the bathroom checked to see if my pants and/or underwear were wet from semen seeping through his underwear and jeans, no wetness that I could see with the naked eye. Upon returning home I bought a blacklight to see if I could see any "invisible stains" on my underwear or pants. Maybe it was wishful thinking but I found none. I guess, I would say I am a little paranoid for still being worried about incident 1, I mean I conclusively tested negative right? But I guess I'm worried about Incident 2 because every grinding/lap dancing question has been from a guy and since I am female I thought that there might be a greater possibility for infection since there is a larger surface area for infected fluid to seep through to. Also, would it possible for semen to go through those layers of clothes with the quantity making it through past my underwear being so small I could not see it yet enough to infect me? My friends were literally laughing and the counselors at the testing site where I got my previous test said I'm being too hard on myself. But I don't want to be doing anything careless! Please tell me, Dr. Bob what is my risk...it seems my fear of HIV has kind of taken over all logical reasoning and I am so overcome with fear that when I come home from work and I'm alone its all I can think about. Your advice would be very much appreciated!! Thanks so much!!! -Betty Blacklight
Hello Betty Blacklight,
Thank you for your very kind comments. Now on to your questions:
Incident 1. Yes, I agree, your 14-week negative test is definitive and conclusive.
Incident 2. Dry docking fully dressed carries absolutely no risk of HIV transmission zero, zip, zilch, nada! Even though your horizontal samba partner may have spurted like a geyser in his pants, there is absolutely no risk! Male, female, animal, mineral, vegetable, it just doesn't make any difference at all, OK?
Now Betty, tell me about this black-light idea of yours. Were you under the impression that spunk would have a neon glow under the black light? Betty, Betty, Betty . . . if that were the case, and knowing that black lights are prominent in gay dance clubs around the world, can you just imagine the chaos when they threw that switch at say the Palm Springs White Party??? The spectacle of neon splotches would be blinding.
Betty, HIV is not your problem. Rather, your real issue is clearly stated in your own words: ". . . it seems my fear of HIV has kind of taken over all logical reasoning and I am so overcome with fear that when I come home from work and I'm alone it's all I can think about." This is a very real problem; however, it, too, will not be visible by simply shining a black light on it. You need to ask your doctor for a referral for some counseling. Anxiety can, and is, ruining your life. You do need treatment. Bring a copy of this post to your first visit and show it to your therapist. It will help focus your sessions so you can confront your irrational fears and learn to cope with these unwarranted worries.
Good luck, Betty. Feel better, OK?