My Letter to HIV: A Letter From Mathew Fox

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Dear HIV,

First and foremost, I can't believe you affect my life in which you do. You turned my world upside down, and I just don't understand why me?

Was this a lesson that I needed to be taught? Is this pay back for something that I have done in the past? Why did you have to make me so sick? People live with it forever without going into the hospital and damn I have been in there twice. And I have only been diagnosed positive for 7 months. Damn it I want answers I want to know what I did so wrong to be infected by you!

You risk me losing the most important person in my life. You risked me losing Keon. Why?? Why can't I be any other gay man without you infecting my body!

I see the way these doctors and nurses look at me because of you. I am too young to go. This won't be it. I won't let anyone look back at my life and all they remember is the gay dude that died from HIV complications.

Since I have been taking medicine for so long due to my other medical conditions I got used to missing doses, and not caring about missing those doses. But now thanks to you if I miss my HIV medicine I run the risk of my body becoming immune to the medicine, and ultimately my choices of medicines becomes slimmer.

I used to judge people that were HIV positive like they weren't good enough and for now here I am now being the one judged.

Even as much as I want to know why, I thank you. I never knew the man that my mother raised could be such a strong individual. I used to sit around and question god, of why me, but I got a better one, why not me. HIV you have showed me what truly matters in life, and just how precious life is. You always gave me the chance to see who matters the most in life and who my true friends are. I may not have much left, but I have some true friends that truly care about me to the core.

Closing let me say this from the bottom of my heart: you are like the little brother I never wished for, and never wanted, but I thank you. I thank you for teaching me that you have no face, you have no race, you have no sexual orientation, you have no sex, you infect whoever for whatever reason.

Mathew Fox