Allan's serious nature and his meticulous sense of order are interrupted
by the untidy reality that he has AIDS. He doesn't adjust well, he likes
things uncomplicated. AIDS is not tidy.
Six years ago, at the time of his acceptance to law school, Allan's HIV
test results came back positive. He attended law school, graduated and passed
his boards. And then, he endured a relentless bout of PCP pneumonia.
Allan has learned very quickly what it means to live day to day with
AIDS. His medical benefits have stopped and as he is unemployable in his
field, he has no choice but to accept state support. What a mess. How untidy.
His fear of pain and heightened sensitivity to the medications he juggles
keeps him on edge all the time. The bottles of pills are numerous, the pills
themselves intimidating. He is the first to acknowledge that he has no skills
for this challenge.
He recently told his family of his diagnosis. His great apprehension,
that they would be disappointed in him, was unfounded. They shared their
sadness and love in equal doses and have rallied to him.
However joyful, even that is awkward. He really preferred blending in,
being invisible, living without AIDS.