Crystal Meth Recovery
A Step-by-Step Guide
As Positively Aware went to press with the previous issue, which focused on harm reduction (July/August 2005), Jamie Turner and Will Halpin of the Fenway Community Health center in Boston presented a recovery model for crystal methamphetamine in a workshop for the 17th Annual National Conference on Social Work and HIV/AIDS, held in Chicago during Memorial Day weekend.
Since the harm reduction issue did not cover steps for recovery, this article discusses the model used at Fenway, which is a health clinic for gay men and women. The guide is based on slides from Turner and Halprin's presentation at the social workers conference.
Most importantly, it should be understood that recovery from crystal meth is possible, says Halpin, a licensed social worker, despite the fact that the drug has more profound effects in the brain and the body than other illicit substances.
Crystal meth is linked to the HIV epidemic because over the past several years it has been seen as causing many new infections among gay men.
The latest report came from this year's National HIV Prevention Conference, held by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in Atlanta in July. Officials from the L.A. Gay & Lesbian Center reported that in their four-year survey of 19,300 HIV tests, almost one in three MSM testing positive in 2004 reported using crystal meth. Moreover, this was almost triple the rate of the MSM who tested positive in 2001. Overall, 10% of the gay and bisexual men who took an HIV test reported using crystal in 2004 -- double the rate in 2001.
Crystal makes achieving an erection difficult, plus the drug lowers inhibitions and pain. This makes gay men who would normally be the insertive partner become the bottom partner during sex, a much more riskier position for HIV infection. As always with illicit drugs, condom use decreases. The drug also increases sexual arousal and sexual pleasure. People can stay awake for days at a time, during which they can continuously seek to engage in sex.
For a community still struggling with the HIV epidemic, the destructive force of crystal meth is especially frustrating, and painful. People not only lose their health, but everything they've achieved in life -- homes, jobs, relationships and careers. -- Enid Vázquez
What follows is an outline of steps to take to recover from crystal meth.
The Matrix Model
The Fenway Community Health center in Boston uses the Matrix Model of Stimulant Treatment. Books on this model can be bought from the Matrix Institute for $100 through its website, www.matrixinstitute.org. (The books are designed for staff members of addiction treatment programs.)
Relapse tends to happen gradually, but it seems to occur suddenly because small warning signs are ignored. Will Halprin of the Fenway clinic says it's like a ship drifting so slowly from where it's moored, that you don't notice it has moved.
Very specific actions keep people sober, but these need to be clear and decided upon ahead of time.
Fill Up the Time
First of all, keep a very tight schedule. Counselors recommend a daily schedule of activities from wake-up to bedtime. Put time slots on a sheet of paper and make copies. Know what you are going to do from the time you get up to the time you go to sleep. This is vital! An open slot gives you time to think about using and possibly drift back into it. A full schedule helps keep you busy and thinking about activities that would do you good.
Remember: the schedule must be written down. This calls your rational brain into gear. Ideas that you keep only in your head become fair game for your addicted brain, the one looking only for pleasure and excuses.
Things to Try
Don't Be Bored
The next barrier to trip you up in recovery is b-o-r-e-d-o-m. People who stop using drugs often say that life now feels boring. This could be because:
Watch the alcohol. Think about these questions:
Drinking and using can go hand-in-hand. The important thing is to recognize your emotions and the activities that go with them (like drinking when you're feeling down or to have fun when you're bored).
Identify what exactly triggers you back into drug use, avoid those triggers, and decide ahead of time what you will do if they come up.
It helps to remember all the times you would normally use: before, during or after sex; before going out; when carrying money or after payday; after passing through a certain part of town, etc.
Think, too, of the many emotions that can trigger use: feeling anxious, neglected, deprived, afraid, misunderstood, criticized, guilty, relaxed, excited, depressed, irritated, pressured, sad, embarrassed, etc.
Things to try:
See if any of these apply to you.
Guilt and Shame
"Guilt" is feeling bad about what you've done. "Shame" is feeling bad about who you are. Halprin says that "recovering cannot rely solely on willpower, being strong or trying to be 'good enough' to overcome these feelings."
Guilt is a healthy reaction, because you recognize that you did something which is against your own principles. Guilt over wrongdoing is common for anyone. Try to make peace with yourself. Sometimes that means making up for what you've done or said. Sometimes you realize that you've been feeling guilty unnecessarily.
With shame, you may have felt weak for not being able to stop. You may have felt stupid, or that you were a bad person. Recognize that what you did does not brand you forever. You can start over.
List the reasons you began treatment. List the reasons why you continue in recovery today. Look at the differences between the reasons for stopping and the reasons for continuing. Remember that fear may get people into treatment, but fear alone won't keep them there.
Trying to be in treatment without being truthful will make you feel crazy. Do you ever let someone believe a partial truth, or tell them what they want to hear, or tell people what you wish were true, or avoid expressing what you're really feeling?
Not being truthful is part of addiction. It's hard to continue normal daily activities while using drugs, and lying helps cover the gaps and avoid problems. Being truthful now may be hard. It could be embarrassing or you might be afraid of hurting someone's feelings. But remember, truthfulness is part of recovery.
Meth affects the part of the brain that controls sexual pleasure. These reactions to meth use are common:
As addiction continues, negative experiences become common.
"With patience and care, sex and drug use can be separated," says Halpin. Remember, impulsive sex can create a false sense of intimacy, in part because of chemical reactions in the brain that appear to be feelings of closeness.
"It takes a while after stopping meth to experience pleasurable 'normal' sex again," he continues. "Sometimes during 'the Wall' (four to six weeks into recovery), people can lose interest in sex."
Dealing With Thoughts and Emotions
Addictive thinking makes drug use seem okay: "They think I'm using, so I may as well use"; "I worked hard and deserve a break." This is the "stinking thinking" talked about in recovery groups. Other thoughts that contribute to drug use: "I need to control my weight," "I need it to meet people," "I can't enjoy sex without it," "I need the energy boost."
How about these thoughts? "I'm cured." "I'm strong enough to be around it." "I learned, I'll only use small amounts and only once in a while." "Everything's going great, I can celebrate." These thoughts revolve around the themes of being cured, testing yourself to see if you're stronger than the drug and celebration.
Emotional build-up is when feelings keep getting stronger, until they're unbearable. The most common emotions among people in recovery are boredom, anxiety, sexual frustration, irritation, irritability and depression. Relapse relieves these negative feelings. The real red flags are feelings of loneliness, anger or deprivation. How do you plan on dealing with these emotions? Do you even recognize them for what they are?
Plan actions you can take to deal with these thoughts and emotions. Writing in a journal helps you deal with them. Be especially aware of the physical signs of stress: sleep problems (too much or too little), stomach problems, headaches, illness, fatigue, irritability, difficulty concentrating, moodiness (up and down), and feeling overwhelmed or generally dissatisfied with life.
Recognize any of these compulsions? Working all the time, using prescription medicines, using other illicit drugs, drinking large amounts of caffeinated beverages, smoking, eating high-sugar foods, exercising to extreme, compulsive masturbation, gambling, spending too much money. Switching from using meth to one or more of these behaviors helps you deal with the discomfort of recovery, but ultimately, it's not doing you good.
Be most aware of the "Abstinence Violation Syndrome." This is the one where people feel that if they smoked or drank, or used some other drug, that they may as well use meth.
What can you do to better support yourself through recovery?
Do you know the difference between an acquaintance and a friend? Where can you make some new acquaintances who can become friends? To whom are you a friend? Answering these questions may help you understand who you can count on for love and support.
Editor's note: Friends leave you feeling better. Think of someone who truly loved you -- such as your mom or your favorite sibling -- and think if they would ever say or do to you the things that some other people do. People who love you, like your friends, would not hurt you in any way or use you.
Meth interferes with normal sleep, so when using stops, many people experience frequent and intense dreams. They can feel real and frightening. This is a normal part of recovery. Exercise seems to help lessen this problem. Be careful about relapsing the day following powerful dreams. Later in recovery, suddenly dreaming about using may be a warning of a relapse. Look at the problems you're having and what you can do about them.
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This article was provided by Test Positive Aware Network. It is a part of the publication Positively Aware. Visit TPAN's website to find out more about their activities, publications and services.