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A Poem by Justin

April 2011

My name is Justin and I found out I was positive in 1991. My boyfriend told me he tested negative, and in this very unusual case, his fear of getting his test results brought out a multiple personality that had developed in him when he was raped at age 13 by an uncle (long story). That other personality took him over and got the results that painful day. A couple of years later he was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, after a complete breakdown. He came to me in tears and asked for my forgiveness because he didn't know he was positive.

Some of you might think he was lying to me. But both his doctors and I know he was telling the truth. The most important thing is that people learn it is up to you to take responsibility to be safe. And yes, it is very hard and scary to stop what you're doing and tell someone you're positive. Yes, it truly ruins the moment, but trying to tell them later, if they end up being someone special in your life, is even harder and you can lose it all.

By the way, I forgave him. Now we know just what does and doesn't spread the disease. But it still isn't easy to deal with the lonely feelings and fear of rejection that comes with being positive. I just simply make one statement. I INSIST ON SAFE SEX. It says so much and only expresses that you care.

Be Safe, Not Sorry

Some time ago, twenty years of late,
I got an HIV test that changed my fate.
Unknown to me, I crossed the line,
where it was, we didn't know at that time.

He said his test had come out OK,
it's hard to believe people lie,
even today.
I know it's not fair to judge til I've lived in his shoes,
but why didn't he share, the scary bad news.

I have to admit, that now I can see,
the reason why it was so hard, sharing it with me.
The stigma it carries, the ignorance goes deep,
I have trouble uttering a peep.

But I've learned to be strong and not to fear,
there are many out there, that are willing to share.
The more we talk, the more we know,
if only there was Viagra for knowledge to grow.

I hope that sharing this simple poem,
might turn on some light, in your unknown.
Be safe not sorry, it's better that way,
share with your partner, you will have a happier day.

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