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Boyfriend Tested Negative

Tuesday, Dec. 21, 2010

Posted: April 2011

Autumn Preusser

Autumn Preusser

"I'm a 31-year-old transsexual woman living in rural Arkansas with my boyfriend of five years. I enjoy dancing and music, and I really like photography. I am disabled and on SSI (Supplemental Security Income). Right now I'm just learning to live with HIV."

Well, my boyfriend got his test results today.

He tested negative.

I was shocked. We both expected him to be positive.

He and I have been together for five years. We have been having unprotected sex for the majority of that time.

We, or should I say I, thought that he was the person who brought this home. Now I feel horrible. I mean, he DID cheat. But he isn't the reason for this.

I stand by everything I have said. I haven't cheated, done drugs or anything else that could have put me at risk in the time he and I have been together.

That would put me at getting HIV either five years ago, or from a dentist or surgeon. We just don't know. I guess we never will.

I prayed for him to be negative. I hoped against all odds that he would be negative. I got my wish!

BUT, now I'm terrified.

We had both accepted the fact that we both had it since I had tested positive. I guess I felt better knowing I wouldn't go through this alone. Now though, I feel more alone than ever. I know how selfish that must sound. I don't mean for it to be. I would never wish this on him.

The nurse at the testing center said that it was very rare for this to happen. We have both decided to be tested again.

Me on Tuesday and him four weeks from now.

I am so confused. I don't really know what to think.

Could I actually be negative? Could he really be positive?

We don't know for sure.

I guess you never know anything for sure.

Send Autumn an e-mail.

View Autumn's posts on TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards.




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