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F***ing Friday: I Just Don't Get It

By Rae Lewis-Thornton

January 14, 2011

I really don't understand the fukin problem. I just don't get it. Is it that men think something will happen to their dicks if they wrap it up? Have you men made yourselves believe that feeling her pussy is the most important thing? Do you believe that your dick is the best thing that ever happened to her, that she would never step outside of the relationship? Huh? Is feeling her pussy worth your life? Do you think she is so fine and so clean that she couldn't possibility have HIV? Or, that she's so upright that she would be honest with you. The fact is, about 38% of all newly infected people are infected with HIV by someone who doesn't even know they have HIV. So, you are expecting her to tell you what she may not even know herself.

And what about you ladies? I'm not going to put all the blame on him. It takes two to tango. He ain't fucking by himself, he's fucking with you. So why do you surrender the power you have of how, when, and what enters your innermost self? Is your self-esteem that low? Do you need and want a man that bad that you would put your life at risk? Do you think your pussy is made from gold? So wonderful that he would never put his dick in another pussy? Just wondering ladies because it's 2 to 1 that if you have unprotected sex with a man who has HIV, he WILL infect you. About 50% of all women infected with HIV are infected from having sex with a man. With odds like that, you couldn't pay me enough to have sex without a condom.

Now let me go there, because I'm not concerned with who you fuck, that's your business. I'm more concerned with how you fuck. That's my bottom line. So man and woman are not the only people who fuck in this world. Straight up! I'm not on a mission to prevent HIV with some and not others. HIV does not discriminate and neither do I. I want everyone having sex to understand their risk.

So, men do have sex with men? Let's go there for a moment. Why are you in denial gay/bisexual men who just have sex with men (MSM) (whatever category you put yourself)? Is it that you think, if you are the one penetrating and no one penetrates you, you can't get HIV? That does not matter. Whether you are a top or a bottom you are still at risk for HIV. And don't tell me you only have oral sex, because oral sex will not save you. Men do become infected with HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases from MSM oral sex! For Real!

Or is it that you are living in the expectation of doom? When I hear this I just shake my fucking head. You think since you have sex with men, you are gonna get HIV anyway, so whatever. Now that's some stupid logic! The fact is, the Centers For Disease Control reports that 1 out of 2 Black gay men have HIV. With a fact like that Brothas, there is no way in hell I would let a man look at me without pulling out a condom first. And don't be tripping on that craziness I hear about gay sex all the time, "Well, AIDS ain't a big deal. I have friends who have HIV and they only take one pill a day." Right!?! If they ass keep living they will one day end up taking 15 pills a day, just like me.

And don't think have forgotten ladies, that some of you have sex with women and not men. And there is a stupid ass myth floating among women who have sex with women that you can't get infected with HIV. Let me say this quick, you playing with some serious Russian roulette. Yes, honestly, it's true that the statistics are very low for lesbians, BUT low does not mean none. And the sharing of sex toys increases your chances of HIV infection. And bisexual women increase their chances even greater. If a woman is infected, all the wet stuff coming from her vagina is infected too! Bottom Line!

So now that I have covered all the sex groups, back to the point. We are all at risk for HIV infection no matter who you have sex with, or how you have sex. And guess what, HIV is not the only sexually transmitted disease you can get. 1 in 5 Americans have herpes and don't even know it. gonorrhea and syphilis is on the rise. And let's talk about HPV. Over half of American women between 14-59 have HPV and don't even know it. And we haven't even begun to truly count the numbers of HPV among MSM.

There's a lot of fucking out there and for as much fucking there is an equal amount of sexually transmitted diseases to match any kind of sex you could ever have. So Why, Why Why, would you put yourself at risk? I just don't get it. What's the fucking problem? AIDS is the number one killer of African-Americans between the ages of 25-44. 72% of all new cases of HIV in women are African-American women. African-Americans are about 48% of the HIV cases in the United States and we are only 14% of the population. So I just don't get it.

I don't understand why we won't protect ourselves. We spend a whole lot of time talking about what others are NOT doing about HIV, the Black Church, the Government, the schools. But my question is, what are you doing to prevent HIV? No one can save you but you! Every nine minutes a person becomes infected with HIV in the U.S. I just don't get it!

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See Also
Quiz: Are You at Risk for HIV?
Ten Common Fears About HIV Transmission
Condom Basics
More Personal Views on Condoms


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Rae Lewis-Thornton Speaks

Rae Lewis-Thornton

Rae Lewis-Thornton

Rae Lewis-Thornton is an Emmy Award-winning AIDS activist who rose to national acclaim when she told her story of living with AIDS in a cover story for Essence Magazine. She has lived with HIV for 27 years and AIDS for 19. Rae travels the country speaking and challenging stereotypes and myths about HIV/AIDS. She has a Master of Divinity degree and is currently working on her Ph.D. in Church History. Rae has been featured on Nightline, Dateline NBC, BET and The Oprah Winfrey Show, as well as in countless magazines and newspapers, including Emerge, Glamour, O, the Oprah Winfrey Magazine, Jet, Ebony, the Washington Post and the Chicago Tribune, to name a few. She earned the coveted Emmy Award for a first-person series on living With AIDS for Chicago's CBS News.

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