December 31, 2010
This Holiday season was one for the record books and is one I will never forget. Joe made his famous Christmas cookies. He made Chocolate chip with walnuts, White & Milk Chocolate Macadamia Nut and Sugar cookies.While Making the sugar cookies I asked Joe to make a red ribbon for me. It came out great. I still haven't eaten it yet. LOL For the last 2 years spent we have spent Christmas eve night at my older sisters house. This is when we exchange gifts with my family and spend some quality time with them. Since the passing of my Dad, which feels like yesterday, but has been 10 years, I come to cherish the moments spent with my family members. From weddings, birthdays, holidays, driving them to a Dr. appointment or Black Friday shopping.
These moments are what make my life worth living. My Dad left this world before I could realize this. Before I could express who I was and how I felt without screaming to or running away from it all to get high. I felt my dad around us during the holidays. I know he sees what is happening with us all but I still crave that physical part of having a Dad. I am sure if you lost a parent you know what I mean when I talk about the physical aspect. So this year Joe and I got my Mom a ticket to go see Annie the Musical in Media,PA in January which stars the hilarious Wanda Sykes as Miss Hannigan. Of course Joe and I will be her chaperons. My Niece Abby is 3 years old and is at the perfect age for Christmas. She was so excited for Santa to come this year. This year she was into Toy Story 3 and Batman of all things. So shopping for her was fun. I found myself always picking up things to give her.
On Christmas morning. I woke up at 8am like a little kid excited for Santa's arrival. I remember waking up turning on the coffee maker and then I sat on the couch and turned the TV on. Joe finally got up around 10am. We started opening our gifts around 11am. Joe got me some amazing things this year, a Keurig Coffee Maker, GLEE CDs, Wii games, FCKH8 T-shirt and a Snuggie to name a few. After the gifts were opened we then moved over to our stockings. Where we both found scratch offs and other goodies. I thought I was done then Joe reached down to the bottom of my stocking and handed me one last gift. I unwrapped it and saw a small box. Joe then grabbed it from me and opened it to reveal a beautiful ring. He then knelt on one knee and said " Will you be my forever ?" I was in total shock, this was totally unexpected. I of course looked him in the eyes and said YES followed by a huge kiss.
After the proposal I had a flashback to when I was first diagnosed in 2001. When the doctor first told me I was HIV+. I remember thinking I was never going to find a partner to spend my life with and I would be alone forever. I thought "Who would love me now that I am HIV+". But at that time I was not as educated nor as confident about my status as I am today. So looking back at it now..this proposal was a milestone I thought I would never experience. As a gay boy growing up I never thought marriage could happen to me. It was a fairy tale I lived out in my dreams when I went to bed. With the new FCKH8 Campaign, I know one day soon gay marriages will be held throughout the entire United States. As a human being how can we not allow another human being to experience love and commitment. I am just so confused to why it is taking so long. I just hope I live to see it. I am so excited to say that I am engaged. It feels great to know I found someone who is supportive and who unconditionally loves me all of the time. Even at my bitchiest which is sometimes on a daily basis. No date has been set for those who want to know. I am enjoying this new transition in my life and I look forward to sharing it with you as this new journey continues.
The year 2010 is coming to a end very quickly. I have spent the last few days thinking of all things I have experienced and people I have met and new friends I have made over the last year. I am very thankful for them all. In 2011 I will spend more time focused on my activism. I have made a commitment to myself that 2011 will be the year for me and POZIAM. I am ready to speak out more and provide a voice for others who are too ashamed to speak. Too many HIV+ individuals live in shame. I am ready to fight for the rights of those LIVING with HIV/AIDS with everything I have. I know I was placed in these situations because of my own actions but I know there is a bigger plan for me. I have a mission and I am determined to accomplish it. If I continue to surround my self with positive things and people I will gain prosperity.