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A Poem by BJ

April 2010

My name is BJ and I was diagnosed about seven months ago and this is a poem to a child that I can never have because of my status.

Letter to an Unborn Child

I apologize for not being better. I apologize for the pain caused by this letter. I apologize for being nothing like my mother. I inherited her hair, wavy and jet black, but her confidence and power I lack. I pray that you can forgive the mistakes I've made. I wonder if you can forgive the shades of gray I left in this world...

I ask that you do not inherit my insomniac behavior. I pray that you can learn to be your own savior because I never did. I stay up nights praying that you are nothing like your father, a man who never bothered to ask questions, a man that has surrendered to guilt, hurt, shame and defeat, a man who has no ground below his feet, so I pray you are nothing like your father.

I want you to know that this life is cold and bitter but it's also made of the sweetest sugar. So I pray you have the strength to taste it. I pray that you have the courage to travel to the edge of the universe and listen to the wisdom that the stars have to offer. I ask God that you'll be stronger than me. I ask that you inherit my heart, the passion that it beats through my body, but not its diminished strength. I pray that you have my vision, but not its inability to see things through. I pray that you have the happiness that I spent my life searching for. I pray that you have the guts to take this world for a tour of what it can be. God please let this child be nothing like its father.




  
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This article was provided by 2010 Poetry Month at TheBody.com.
 
See Also
2013 Poetry Month at TheBody.com: HIV/AIDS-Related Poems From Our Readers
A Message From Your Poetry Editor
2012 Poetry Month at TheBody.com
2011 Poetry Month at TheBody.com
2010 Poetry Month at TheBody.com

 

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