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Ready or Not, Here I Go!

By Magnetic Mama

February 4, 2010

A few weeks ago I departed from South Africa and with it left behind (albeit temporarily) my job, my husband and the life I'd been accustomed to over the last 5 years. The reason for this is that I was disembarking for a journey. A trip around the world spanning 10 countries over the period of six months in search of ... well, I still haven't figured that one out for sure.

First of all I know that I needed some time out. The question is just from what?

Magnetic Mama My work, sure -- working with sick kids is very intense and then, so am I, so that's a bit of an emotionally destructive combination. My life? In the past 3 years I have almost lost and then married my husband, started and abandoned a PhD, started 2 new jobs, both in the HIV field, battled a bout of serious depression and exhaustion and had a constant and at times unhealthy obsession with starting a family. Plus, I feel the constant pressure of needing to know what I want. Unfortunately I don't. At all. If I do make a decision, I second-guess it.

So it's no surprise that once I'd booked my ticket, I subsequently abandoned planning my trip, finding other magnetic couples to connect with, writing this blog and even deleted an entry, thinking it wasn't interesting or worth it.

Anyway, now that the trip has just begun, I've finally got the travel bug! And somehow this is affecting everything else, in a good way:

A couple of months ago an old friend got in touch with my husband (a story I'll elaborate on another time) who's in a similar situation to ours. They live in the UK and she is infected while her husband is negative. Since my trip starts off on that little island, I'll try to meet up with them, of course.

Shortly after this via Facebook I got in touch with a 'magnetic family', also from the UK who have adopted a little HIV-positive girl. The mum and I have been exchanging some emails and it's so great to share concerns and experiences!

And then I was asked if I would like this blog to be carried on, what more could I ask for. I look forward to hearing from and getting in touch with magnetic couples and families all over the world.

So it looks like I don't have to know everything in advance, some things will just sort themselves out. Hmm, I think this will be a great motto for my trip: Who knows tomorrow? (No one, so why stress -- I'm feeling uncharacteristically Zen right now)

Excited and not feeling so lonely,

Magnetic Mama

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Magnetic Mama is a 27-year-old psychologist and the uninfected half of a magnetic couple (i.e., her husband is HIV positive). She is not revealing her name in order to protect the confidentiality of her husband who is not open about his status.

German by birth, and a long-time resident of the U.K., Magnetic Mama currently lives in South Africa where she has been working for an organization that provides services to children and adolescents as well as their caregivers infected and affected by HIV/AIDS.

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