A Brighter Vision

Having this HIV in my body sometimes disheartens me. This HIV reminds me of what my limitations are. It can discourage me from running that extra mile. It can also soften my spirit at times. But these thoughts are all brief and insignificant. They do not carry as much weight as does my serenity. When they filter in my mind, I turn to the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The Courage to change the things I can. And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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I first met Charlie at my future in-laws' house. Devin and I were heading out there from Tucson for lunch on one of our first weekends together. I can remember the expression on Dev's face, his eyes all sparkling and this huge grin. "Well, you passed the test with my folks, but this last one is an important one for me," he said. I was already nervous as it was, having to sit down and chat with his parents. That comment gave me a sudden extra dose of nerves. I shrugged it off though, didn't want him to see me sweat. I had seen pictures of Charlie and was told about him. But, I had yet to officially meet him.

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My partner, spouse and love, Devin, once imposed upon me a deep thought. I cannot remember how the conversation came about, but it did. I do remember that it was while we were driving somewhere in Tucson. You know, those little comments you throw at one another to help pass the time. Well, he was driving and we were talking and then there was a short silence. After a few seconds had passed, he comes at me with a comment: "You probably are only with me because I have HIV too. You probably would've never given me the time of day in other circumstances, huh?"

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After I was diagnosed with HIV back in 2007, several thoughts came streaming into my mind. One of them I have tried to pay close attention to. This is the one thought that could be of great help. I had a thought that I needed to do something. Something that would contribute to helping the HIV/AIDS cause. Something I could do or say that would make a difference.

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When I took the D.C. metro on my daily commute to Walter Reed Army Medical Center, there was an advertisement that caught my eye. It wasn't on every train, but I would see it from time to time. It was a simple depiction of 10 human silhouettes. Of the 10 silhouettes, one was all red. It was at the very end, after all of the other silhouettes in black.

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