January 13, 2009

Telling Others

George Burgess
Diagnosed in April 1995

'I think my dad had the best response when I told him I was HIV positive: 'Son, I love you. We'll get through this.' A soldier, true to his heart. You know, a soldier with compassion: 'We'll get through this, son. What do we need to do?'"

Click here to read more about George.

Click here to read or listen to how other people disclosed their HIV status.

Bernadette Berzoza
Diagnosed in September 1989

"When I told a friend I was HIV positive, she got up off the chair and hugged me. I think at that time, that's all I needed."

Click here to read or listen to how other people disclosed their HIV status.

Shelton Jackson
Diagnosed in 1997

"The best response was from my son: He looked up to me and said that he was proud to just call me a friend. 'I can draw strength from you. You seem like a real strong person who don't take no stuff from nobody and I want to be like that.'"

Click here to read more about Shelton.

Click here to read or listen to how other people disclosed their HIV status.

Now that you have HIV, one of the toughest decisions you'll face -- not just now, but for a long time to come -- is who to tell about your status. Friends, family, lovers, coworkers: How do you decide, and what's the best way to break the news?

There is no single "right" way to disclose your HIV status. It all depends on the situation and how you get along with the people you're thinking about telling. Check out this list for some excellent information that will help you decide to whom and how and when to tell friends and loved ones you have HIV.

• Wise Words: Our Editors' Picks of the Best Guidance on Disclosing Your HIV Status

  • Preparing to Tell Others You're HIV Positive
    Telling others you're HIV positive is not something you rush into. There are important personal steps to take before disclosing your status to others.
  • Telling Others You're HIV Positive
    Explains the pros and cons of disclosing, provides some general guidelines and talks about specific people you may want to tell.
  • Don't Always Reveal Your Status
    There are plenty of good reasons to tell others you have HIV, but there are plenty of cases where it's best to keep your mouth shut.
  • Disclosing Your HIV Status: David Salyer
    Long-time HIV survivor David Salyer offers his personal perspective on who, how and when to tell about your HIV status.
  • The Word on Disclosure
    Some thoughts to keep in mind as you prepare to disclose your status to others.
  • Disclosing Your HIV Status: Should It Be Law? (on nerve.com)
    Thirty-four U.S. states make it a crime to transmit HIV, or even to expose someone to HIV. But the debate is on as to whether this is a fair way to treat people with HIV.
  • HIV Testing Requirements for Entry Into Foreign Countries
    A handy chart listing the law for HIV testing and disclosure for countries throughout the world.
  • Sex, Privacy and the Law When You're HIV Positive
    An interview with attorney Catherine Hanssens, Esq., executive director of the Center for HIV Law and Policy
  • Read More Articles About Telling Others You Have HIV >>

• Connect With Others

  You're not alone! Find out what other people with HIV are saying about their experiences telling others, or start your own conversation.

  "When I was told I was poz I swore that I would always be as up-front as I could about my status and that I would never take away the choice someone had taken from me. Yesterday I broke that promise. ... I know what I have to do now is tell him my status, tell how sorry I am and how awful my choice was and hope he doesn't kick my butt."

  --livesinadream

  Read the full post and join the conversation: click here!

• Ask the Experts

  
  

  Robert J. Frascino, M.D.

  "I just tested positive and I'm too scared to even get my CD4 count checked. ... My boyfriend and my friends have been really supportive, but I still have to break the news to my parents, and I'm afraid they'll kick me out of the house. What should I do?"

  Robert J. Frascino, M.D., responds

• The More They Know

  One of the problems with telling people you're HIV positive is that you also become their teacher. They may not know the first thing about the virus. And it's not their fault. HIV has not been taught very well throughout the U.S. and ignorance abounds. These resources can help them (and you!) learn some of the most important basic info about HIV:

  • What is AIDS?
  • Frequently Asked Questions About HIV and AIDS
  • What Are the Stages of HIV Disease?
  • Basics on How HIV Is Transmitted
  • Do Any of These Activities Put People at Risk for HIV?
    
    
    Select a sexual activity Pick an activity Anal Sex (In general) Anal Sex (Insertive) Anal Sex (Receptive) Anal/Vaginal Intercouse (Unprotected) Bestiality Blood Testing Docking Fingering Fisting Frottage or Rubbing Kissing Lap Dancing Male vs. Female Transmission Masturbation Menstruation Oral Sex (In general) Oral Sex (On a Woman) Oral Sex (Receptive vs. Insertive) Protected Sex With Pos Boyfriend Rimming Risk of HIV Transmission Sex Toys Sexual Intercourse (Protected) Transgender (F to M) Transgender (M to F) Vaginal Intercourse (Insertive) Vaginal Intercourse (Receptive) Vibrators Vomit Watersports (Urine)