Gracia Violeta Ross Quiroga, La Paz, Bolivia, diagnosed in 2000
I talked to my sisters, especially the one who had the idea of doing the test.
I blamed her. I said, "This is your fault, because I'd rather not know." But actually, it was really good that she suggested it, because I also was to discover that I [tested] HIV positive maybe three or four years after being infected. This gave me the chance to change my habits and to start treatment early enough; I never got sick, like being in bed. I think I have been HIV positive for nine years now. I never got so ill as to be in the hospital.
Many of my friends in Bolivia discovered they were HIV positive only in the hospital, and only when they were about to die. So my relatively early diagnosis was, at the end, an advantage. But at that moment, I couldn't rationalize; I didn't yet have an understanding of that.
I was very angry, because the information we had been given was that people who had HIV could die in three months. That's really what I thought was going to happen to me. I was so depressed. Even though my older sisters tried to help me and explain it, for three months I was isolated and really ... I didn't know what was going to happen until I decided to talk to my family. I decided that their response was going to determine what I was going to do. If my family ever rejected me, I was going to kill myself. After they responded with a lot of love, I decided to live.
I told them after three months. My father is a pastor in an evangelical church in Bolivia. He's very well known. I knew this was not what the pastor expects to happen to his daughters. We are three sisters. I am sure no father expects this to happen with his children. So I knew this was going to be a very difficult situation for them to understand, but I had to tell them, because I thought I was going to die. I wanted to explain.
Then my parents told me that they didn't care about what happened in the past, and how I got HIV -- they didn't ask me any questions. My parents told me, "You are our daughter, and we love you and we will love you, three months, six years, ten days ... however long you will live, we will be with you." That really changed my mind. Since that moment I decided that it was worth living, even with HIV.
Did you expect them to say anything different?
I thought they were going to be a little disappointed. I thought they were going to exclude me from the house, because, being in the context of an evangelical community, this could be really shameful for a pastor. I thought they were going to at least ask me difficult questions: How did you get HIV? What did you ever do to get HIV? They were so wise; they didn't ask me these questions. At the end, I told them the story, but in that moment, they just showed me love. I was really expecting that they would reject me, or at least confront me with my mistakes. I felt that I may bring shame to the leadership of my father, because he was the pastor. He is currently still the pastor. That was a really difficult time for me, but they were full of love, and that really changed the response. There was no judgment from them, actually.
Read more about Gracia >>
Connect with Gracia >>