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Word on the Street

From Me to You: Tips on Dealing With an HIV/AIDS Diagnosis

HIV-Positive People Share Their Experiences and Offer Advice


David P. Lee

David P. Lee, Seattle, Wash., diagnosed in 1995

My advice to people who have just been diagnosed is to be good to yourself for a while.

If you are getting high and drinking a lot, it's time to stop, because you'll die faster if you don't. Get a good support system together through family, friends or wherever you can find them. Learn as much as you can about the disease.

Read more about David >>

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Reader Comments:

Comment by: B. D. (Some where in the south) Sun., Oct. 18, 2015 at 9:19 pm UTC
I am a father of two and my children need got to do what man got to do...
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Comment by: Paolo (sharon, pa) Fri., Jul. 24, 2015 at 3:35 pm UTC
What exactly is undetectable viral load? For whom?
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Comment by: Cyndi (fort Lauderdale Florida ) Wed., Feb. 18, 2015 at 12:17 am UTC
I'm lonely and I need a man
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Comment by: Catherine Ozer (San Antonio Texas) Mon., Dec. 8, 2014 at 9:44 am UTC
Great Website with good information. I really appreciate your support.
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Comment by: FRANCES (UGANDA) Tue., Nov. 25, 2014 at 3:16 pm UTC
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Comment by: Wornicks Gisemba (Egerton University - Njoro.) Fri., Oct. 10, 2014 at 3:51 am UTC
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Comment by: Victor (Los Angeles) Thu., Sep. 4, 2014 at 5:52 pm UTC
I've always felt the need to tell my story and to this day I'm still not comfortable with the fact that I'm HIV positive. I was 27, went to the gym everyday, and of course was told by just about every guy I met that I had a really great body. I got talked into going to a bathhouse with some guy I met at a club and ended up sleeping with him. This guy had a nice body, very charming, and honestly looked normal to me. We never talked about our HIV statues due to the fact that when we slept together I insisted he wear a condom, which he did. However while having sex he said the famous words I'd never forget when we were finish, which were "OH NO THE CONDOM BROKE." I freaked out and started crying, but he assured me he was safe. I went home and prayed he didn't give me anything and was told by friends that If I get the flu like symptoms within two or three days to go see a doctor. Nothing happen! Almost a year went by with me never having sex again. One day at the gym I got very dizzy and left early. The next day I woke up with an eye infection. I went to the doctor who have me some kind of drops. About two weeks later I started leaking this thick yellowish fluid from my penis. I went back to the doctor and was asked if I was gay. I responded yes but told the doctor that I wasn't a very sexual active person. He asked if I'd ever been tested for HIV and I responded "Only once when I had surgery at the age of 17 and my test came back negative.) I ended up getting tested and a week and a half before Thanksgiving I was called by the doctor who told me that my test came back positive for HIV. Long story short I looked as healthy as a horse, never got sick, didn't catch the flu, and had no symptom of being HIV positive. Where did I go wrong? Did this guy lie to me or simply didn't know? What happen to all the symptoms I were suppose to have that only came a year and a couple of months later?
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Comment by: Anonymous (Atlanta, GA) Wed., Aug. 26, 2015 at 5:57 pm UTC
Your symptoms sound like Reiter's Syndrome, or Reactive Arthritis. I experienced the same thing which started my journey.

Comment by: jamie (omaha ne) Sat., Aug. 23, 2014 at 12:12 am UTC
i have a co worker who cant afford his meds. we have a self funded insurance so we pay 100% out of pocket until we reach $8,000. he doesnt qualify for drug patient assistance. what are the other options?
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Comment by: tt (new yorl) Wed., Jul. 9, 2014 at 5:03 pm UTC
I have some symptoms. Not yet tested. Risky behaviors for past 20+ yrs. I'm terrified. Please some advice
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Comment by: JR (San Diego) Wed., Jul. 9, 2014 at 5:11 am UTC
Wow! I loved your commentary. It made me think and even smile, which still feels hard to do. Thank you for sharing your story. =)
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Comment by: Jc (Dallas) Sat., Apr. 19, 2014 at 4:00 pm UTC
I been on epsicom and selzentry fir 4 yrs and undetectable no issues a side from a bit of depression that comes and goes what are some of the ways i can
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Comment by: MUTEBA MWONGENU Pasa (LUBUMBASHI,Katanga,DRC) Wed., Jan. 29, 2014 at 7:33 am UTC
it is so good to hear from you all,
Because am living The Congo DR in Africa;I need you provide me some CD4, Viral Load and more onbehalf ofThe Health Tracker.
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Comment by: jeffery (olympia washington) Wed., Dec. 25, 2013 at 2:40 am UTC
I was just diagnosed with hiv and need some help financially really bad, I had a job that said i could not deploy to work because it was a government contract. needless to say. I need help where do i start. My Doctor says i will start treatments in January but this does not solve my issues. Please Help
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Comment by: paul (hawaii) Sat., Dec. 7, 2013 at 12:12 pm UTC
when found i was hiv positive made plans to move to hawaii lower stress
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Comment by: terrell (akron ohio) Sun., Dec. 1, 2013 at 10:03 am UTC
I have been hiv for 3 months now and homeless no health insurance sleeping in the cold outside I have no one just feel like giving up and just end myself I feel any one who has hiv or aids should be killed off top who just wants to be known as that type of person...
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Comment by: Anonymous Sat., Nov. 23, 2013 at 11:10 pm UTC
how would I go about getting my medication and how would I know what doctor to see, I don't have any insurance so how would I pay for my medication
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Comment by: Lu (Mpumalanga) Thu., Nov. 14, 2013 at 3:10 am UTC
I have been diagnosed with HIV for four years now,early this year i started ARVs for two months and i stoped,should i proceed with taking them?
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Comment by: Daniel (Bogota) Tue., Nov. 12, 2013 at 1:34 pm UTC
THANKS you are amazing
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Comment by: Jon d (Orlando fl) Tue., Nov. 5, 2013 at 5:04 am UTC
Looking for a friend maybe more, single, I'm divorce , enjoy live, I'm almost indictable , low counts, from Florida ,
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Comment by: frankie (houston tx) Wed., Oct. 9, 2013 at 10:31 pm UTC
I live in Houston tx and need frends w/ hiv in Houston tx im alone I need help busco amigos en Houston para conocer y hacer amigos en Houston tx
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Comment by: frightened (Minnesota) Wed., Oct. 9, 2013 at 7:05 pm UTC
I'm showing symptoms mainly myalgia and fatigue. The test results haven't come back yet but am really scared. I don't know if my insurance will cover me since they might say this happened before I was covered. Treatment is expensive isn't it? How will I pay for it it I don't have insurance?
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Comment by: ropafadzo nkomo (southafrica) Wed., Oct. 9, 2013 at 12:42 pm UTC
Is there any problem to take my tablets lyk half seven in the evening and nine o'clock in the morning plis help but I'm fit and strong
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Comment by: gotapulse (MI) Sat., Sep. 28, 2013 at 7:39 am UTC
HIV+ since 1987, AIDS since 1991, and being my own best advocate is the key to my survival. Listen to the opinions of the medical pros around you, but never ever let them make a decision for you. Deal only with doctors who explain all of your options and what to expect from each choice, then leave the decision to you.
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Comment by: Antonia Gomes (Union city, NJ) Tue., Sep. 24, 2013 at 7:31 pm UTC
I was just told by my doctor that I'm Hiv+. I'm a single woman I have no support of no body . How can I handle working and taking my pills
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Comment by: enrico (jersey city, nj) Thu., Oct. 24, 2013 at 4:05 pm UTC
hello neighbor. literally! you have to rely on yourself. not just to stay healthy, but for everything. before you can be the support line for others, like a family, or a partner in a relationship, you have to be able to support yourself. be well. take good care of your self.

Comment by: sean stewart (cinti, ohio) Tue., Aug. 6, 2013 at 2:30 am UTC
Keep the faith, have strong belief in God, the possibilities of the future, and help others along the way.
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Comment by: Belay Asmare Yimer (north wollo/woldia,Ethiopia) Mon., Jun. 24, 2013 at 3:15 am UTC
i am living with hive for about 5 years ,and i am good healthy condition still now and to continue for the future in a good condition what advice me
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Comment by: belia n. (kiwe,copperbelt.zambia) Fri., May. 24, 2013 at 4:11 pm UTC
this is not a comment but a request that i would like to get married to a positive man of 57 yrs while am 55 yrs and very lonely person espcilly one from south africa thank you
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Comment by: b. irena (phila pa & key west fl) Wed., May. 22, 2013 at 10:16 pm UTC
have son with hiv. Love to hear all comments.
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Comment by: Jim (Sacramento) Sun., May. 19, 2013 at 1:52 am UTC
As someone HIV positive for the past 22 years, their most certainly is life after a diagnosis...and good health if you take care of yourself.
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Comment by: Tina mccarroll (Charlotte ) Sat., May. 18, 2013 at 5:16 pm UTC
I be try to find out about belly fat and what I can take with my medication I would like for someone to let me know.
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Comment by: Tina mccarroll (Charlotte ) Sat., May. 18, 2013 at 4:29 pm UTC
I be try to find out about belly fat and what I can take with my medication I would like for someone to let me know.
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Comment by: Leah Kramer (Manalapan, nj) Mon., May. 13, 2013 at 11:02 pm UTC
I'm a self heal therapist and I feel and touch my clients which end up in sex. I was diagnost with HIV and haven't told anyone of this matter.
Please if there is anything you can send me to help this poor soul..scared
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Comment by: portia (North-West(Mmabatho)) Fri., Apr. 26, 2013 at 5:14 am UTC
Living with HIV is not a death sentence but it is a challenge most of people they die because of not having a support from their family and friends.As long you take the treatment you will leave a healthy life.
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Comment by: Princess (Nigeria) Mon., May. 13, 2013 at 11:15 am UTC
I agree with you Portia , i was tested hiv positive march 2013 when i was about getting married and the man am getting married to is negetive. Then i felt life is worthless but as i met with experts, i got more enlighthen on what HIV is and hw one can stay alive, have kids etc i then felt ok. Am happy today cos i have full support from my husband to be, my family and friend . If your tested positive, jst belive its not the end of your life infact is another face of facts you need to accept and move on with your life and live as a normal person. Am postive but very HAPPY....

Comment by: salahudin mir (pak) Mon., Mar. 25, 2013 at 11:40 pm UTC
wht i say i m hive postive
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Comment by: Randy (trKPZEIyh) Wed., Mar. 6, 2013 at 10:48 pm UTC
HIV / AIDS is not strictly a selaluxy transmitted disease and it can be contracted from others ways. Other ways include blood transfusion, being born with HIV / AIDS because their mother was HIV / AIDS infected, coming in contact with infected fluid, having a high number of sex partners, or the use of IV drugs (e.g. heroin). The point I am tying to make here is HIV / AIDS can be caught from others routes than sex and just because they claim that they are virgins does not mean they are HIV / AIDS free. In my opinion provided the the girls are not IV drug users, were not born with it because of a HIV / AIDS infected mother, have not had many sex partners, or hemophiliacs then I do not believe having a threesome would increase your risk of contracting HIV / AIDS as long as you use a condom.
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Comment by: DAKAROO (MARYLAND) Mon., Mar. 4, 2013 at 4:26 am UTC
i just found out the guy i was seeing for 3 years is HIV positive and he did not tell me from the start before our relationship i'm scared not knowing how to deal with it and he has move on to another person i later found out he was seeing and talking to that person the whole time when we was together now the person has move here from north Carolina there living together what can i do on my behalf about the fear of me being diagnose with having it or getting it from and infected person and living with the ailment if i contracted it and i also found out he caught hepatitis c sometime before we broke up too
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Comment by: Shyne (New Jersey) Fri., Mar. 1, 2013 at 10:07 pm UTC
Just got the news two days ago and I am numb, scared, worried, depressed, and I can't seem to think that everything is going to be alright. Everything that I'm reading about the disease is negative so far. Can someone talk to me?
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Comment by: Aaron (NY) Tue., Mar. 12, 2013 at 2:03 pm UTC
you'll be ok. The evidence is showing that if you begin treatment early, you have the best chance of maintaining the life you've been living. Just give it some time, and try to balance the reading. Google living healthy with HIV

Comment by: jose GONZALEZ (philadelphia PA) Mon., Feb. 25, 2013 at 10:45 am UTC
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Comment by: tamika w. (chicago) Mon., Jan. 21, 2013 at 6:12 pm UTC
Who would like to be my friend
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Comment by: hurt but not yet wounded40 (ny) Sat., Mar. 16, 2013 at 6:10 pm UTC
hi maybe we can be friends

Comment by: DomB (Dirt city) Sat., Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:39 pm UTC
He has nothing to do with this leave him out
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Comment by: Temitope (QrdCDFvzrTbwyb) Tue., Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:37 pm UTC
I would highly rcenmmeod that you talk openly with your partner about your fears. Reassure your partner that this is something you want to work through. I always rcenmmeod speaking with a knowledgable therapist if you can afford it. If she is on meds (which she may not be if she was recently diagnosed) and her viral load is undetectable, the risks as mentioned above) are quite low assuming you are also using protection.If you are not using protection, then there is nothing guaranteeing your safety, regardless of viral load (as it is not a perfect indicator of infectiousness through genital fluids semen, vaginal fluids)You could try looking on line for HIV AND serodivergent couples or serodiscordant couples or magnetic couples all of which refer to couples in which one person is HIV+ and the other HIV-. There are MANY of these types of couples who have been together for years and are very happy. It is possible with love, compassion, and safer sexThere may be some good resources online.Hope this helps
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Comment by: Richard (tFxluYFYO) Tue., Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:36 pm UTC
Nice information, vuablale and excellent design, as share good stuff with good ideas and concepts, lots of great information and inspiration, both of which we all need, thanks for all the enthusiasm to offer such helpful information here.
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Comment by: Zanca (WzRVXQydiEP) Tue., Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:36 pm UTC
Well done to think of somtheing like that
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Comment by: Sergey (rsRYAsvCDSS) Tue., Jan. 8, 2013 at 10:36 pm UTC
Hello!, I am visiting your wesibte for the second time to see more of your updates. I found this which I have thought about and simply had to comment a huge thank you for all your effort. Please continue the excellent work your doing!
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Comment by: kayelyn Fri., Dec. 21, 2012 at 7:06 pm UTC
I like it
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Comment by: Lamont (Atlanta) Thu., Dec. 20, 2012 at 6:11 pm UTC
Enrique's comment really blessed me.
I was moping with my head down literally while reading this article. Hiv makes you feel like a failure in life. How does one find true love with something like this hanging over your head?

BUT, thanks to Enrique's advice, I will see this as a pebble in my shoe.

God Bless you Enrique
Much love bro!
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Comment by: juan (chicago il) Wed., Dec. 19, 2012 at 1:13 pm UTC
Busco amistades de hombres para conocer
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Comment by: Haroon S. (springfield, illinois) Sat., Dec. 1, 2012 at 9:48 am UTC
I love men so much, I just don't know what to do anymore.
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Comment by: Dawn (Rye brook, ny) Sat., Nov. 17, 2012 at 7:43 am UTC
Am i contagous to the touch
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Comment by: Zeke (Topanga Canyon, CA) Tue., Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:32 pm UTC
No. What year are you living in?

Comment by: nurse (Naperville, Illinois) Wed., Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:09 pm UTC
does anyone know if there is a support group for healthcare workers recently diagnosed with HIV anywhere near Naperville,Illinois?
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Comment by: Aidan (SF) Thu., Aug. 16, 2012 at 5:13 pm UTC
Why do people call it a journey? It's a medical condition, and a dilemma. Journeys are fun, and things we plan to take. This is not something I planned. It's not a journey. It's a day-to-day medical condition. People dont call their asthma a journey, or their lupus a journey. It's an annoying characteristic of something that has killed 34 million people. If given the chance, no one would step foot on this road. It's not a journey.
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Comment by: Eric B. (New York, NY) Mon., May. 14, 2012 at 12:17 am UTC
I guess this forum isn't as popular as it once was. It sort of makes my suspicious mind think that less people are getting HIV, and that I'm a relic. It seems ridiculous, but it does cross my mind. Anyway, it's been a little over seven months since the night I got the virus. I'm gay, and have been a top for as long as I've been sleeping with guys. The statistics tell you that topping puts you at a lower risk, but if the bottom is newly infected and doesn't know it yet, you're chance of getting infected is pretty good. Sux, but I have to say that I feel exactly the way I did before all of this. I have just as much energy again, I eat 4 full meals, I maintain my weight, and I drink lots of water all day. My current t cell count is 1221 with an undetectable viral load. Early detection, early treatment, and good health is the key.
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Comment by: bernard (Philadelphia) Wed., Jun. 13, 2012 at 10:00 pm UTC
I think it has to do with this website. It's not the most user-friendly, and this section was difficult to find. I can't wait until the day that there is no longer a need for this site. I fel that there will be a cure that will come, just as the cure for hepatitis C came about.
Comment by: Chance (New York) Wed., Jul. 25, 2012 at 10:09 am UTC
Eric I hope that all is well. There are many people still contracting the virus. I got it about 8 months ago. You're not alone.
Comment by: pelo (pretoria, South Africa) Wed., Aug. 1, 2012 at 7:37 am UTC
Hi Eric people do get the virus is just that may people are lazy to post because some time even after taking time and post the post does not end up appearing and it is not like is no longer popular i come back here very often to come at check at the updates only to find the same posts
Comment by: Alfred (Pennsylvania) Fri., Aug. 3, 2012 at 10:14 pm UTC
I have to agree. The only thing I find useful about this website is the "ASK THE EXPERTS" section. The other features don't really connect with me.

Comment by: Gregorio' (Southfield, MI) Tue., Apr. 17, 2012 at 11:14 pm UTC
Pozz 21yrs here. I KNOW that attitude, meds, lab work & acceptance make a world of difference.
Find a support group in your area. It may be lame try another & another have faith you'll meet a pozz bud. It won't be so bad. But Attitude is #1.
Oh, I'm single, available, willing to relocate with excellent reference's. Please apply within
Ciao Bello'
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Comment by: Rodney (Houston) Fri., Mar. 23, 2012 at 2:25 pm UTC
Bit confused because I tested positive(Western Blot)in Nov.2011,but negative(Oral Swabs)in Dec.04 and 25,2011.Am I +ve or -ve?
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Comment by: LISA (FL.) Tue., Jan. 31, 2012 at 10:41 am UTC
Hello all..It's me again and I know it has been a while. Some of you are not familiar with me so I will recap quickly. On March 24th 2009 I found out I was HIV+, I was scared ,lonely, mad,and felt as if the end of the world had come and I was being punished for something. I didn't understand why it was happening or what to do. I was caught up with how fast everything was going with doctors and tests and medications an not understanding anything they said. Alot to take in.Then there was the loneliness and shame as if everyone could look at me and tell,and the fear that if anyone found out they would just run away and treat me as if I were contagious.I came on this site so very scared and read the stories and felt so relieved that although I did not feel comfortable telling people close to me,I was no way alone. It actually took me a few tries to comment and tell my story, but once I did and people started commenting back, I knew there was hope.
O.K. So here I am almost 3 years later. I am healthy and taking my meds like religion . I have met people that live with HIV and have told almost everyone and was really surprised that not only did they not run away screaming, they instead got educated which is so very wonderful. I now have a very strong support group filled with family and friends. I will never give up coming on here to try to help others through the scariest moments in their lives, to tell my story even if it help just one person. I will continue to fight HIV with all I have in me to do so, and I will fight to help everyone else too. Live each moment to the fullest, and take really good care of yourself to make sure you live as long as you can. If you are put on meds...TAKE THEM!!! I cannot express that enough. Take time to take it all in. Do not stress about it, it will work out. And this site is always open, 24/7, so you always can just write down your feelings. We are kinda like family here and we all care about each other. Good luck and much healthiness.
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Comment by: Chance (Washington) Tue., Jan. 17, 2012 at 9:46 pm UTC
I was diagnosed almost two weeks ago. My partner tested negative in November, I don't understand why unprotected. I am still in shock and now I'm going through a period of depression. I'm a private person, and I've never liked discussing private matters with people. Not even my friends. I feel alone right now.
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Comment by: LISA (FL) Tue., Jan. 31, 2012 at 10:14 am UTC
Chance, you do not have to talk to anyone. If you continue to come on here and just read and share your thoughts and experiences, I promise you it will help. Just posting the first time shows bravery. I know because It took alot for me to post when I first found this site, but this site saved my life.
Going on 3 years diagnosed and I feel great, so keep pushing forward and keep your chin up...things get better.
Comment by: Chance (Washington) Wed., Feb. 1, 2012 at 2:25 am UTC
Lisa thank you very much. I've been reading so many articles about HIV, long term side effects with the meds etc. I have no outlet at the moment and I'm angry at myself for this. I continue to go to work but as much as I try to keep a positive outlook about this, find myself struggling with it more and more. I don't want anyone to because of fear of being ostracized, but I also don't want my family and friends to worry and feel sorry for me. I actually cried for the first time yesterday. When I initially received the diagnosis I was so shocked I couldn't even cry. Now I'm just trying to get my life back on track after this derailment. Dating is going to brutal. I hope and pray that everyone is doing well on here.

Comment by: Joe (Chicago, IL) Tue., Jan. 17, 2012 at 12:30 am UTC
I was just diagnosed HIV+ on September 7, 2011 and it was devastating news to here, but now its better,and my family is helping me; I'm in treatment and taking meds. I just wanted to say it gets better. Thanks
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Comment by: Eric B. (New York, NY) Thu., Jan. 5, 2012 at 12:03 am UTC
It's been about three months since I've been infected with HIV, and I have gone through every emotion you could imagine. Don't beat yourself up if you feel like being fatalistic, or if you feel like crying. It even took me a while to make sense of it when I came across things like "living healthy with HIV". Are they kidding me? But after a while, I started to realize that as much as regret stings, and as much as anger burns, we live in a time and place where we have the best possible odds of continuing to live the same life that we've been living before the diagnosis. Thanks to a new generation of medicines and a much more comprehensive understanding of the disease, it's almost as if we are living with version 2.0 of HIV care, which hardly resembles the treatment of 15 years ago. Do your research, love yourself again, and do what it takes to live healthy. If you meet yourself half way by eating right, getting regular check-ups, and working on undoing the bad habits you may have like smoking or drinking, you are giving yourself every opportunity to live a quality life while keeping disease at bay. No one knows how long they are going to live, but since there are a number of people among us who have survived the "dark ages" of HIV care, there seems to be evidence that we have a good chance of living a long time. The body is strong, and we may not have control over certain things that occur as a result of the virus, but I sure as hell would like to know that the things that I do control are being managed. And, as I am slowly beginning to realize, there is strong evidence that we can live "healthy" with HIV.
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Comment by: LISA (FL) Tue., Jan. 31, 2012 at 10:10 am UTC
Great words Eric. It is great how far this treatment has come. And to know that we can live so long with HIV and may never get Aids is wonderful. Thanks for the comment.

Comment by: Sam (Namibia) Thu., Dec. 15, 2011 at 7:58 am UTC
am really amazed by all of u, i was diagnose last month and to be honest i dnt know were i picked up this virus, i never had unprotected intercourse but i had an unprotected oral with a women that i dnt know her status, i developed swollen glad after two weeks and i went to visit a doctor who gave me some cold and flu tablet and advice me to go for some blood test wich i agreed to since i was certain that i was not expose, the pcr tesst came back pz and he tuk an elisa test which came back poz again, my vl was 15t and cd 320, i started my therapy imidiately which are lamzid and efarinenz but am finding it difficult to sleep at night, had few side effect the first week and luckly they al went away, but now the problem is the sleeping part, i really dnt want to switch as during the day am just fine and i didnt tel anyone yet, am buying med on my own as am afraid people wil knw about my status if i go to public clinic, but am gaining confidense each and everyday as i came across this site, i thought i was alone but am not and ther ar good people outher wit the same status as i, i hop i wil gain much confidense to tell my mom who am really close to, but am afraid she wil die to the shock, i didnt went for counselling but i think with time i wil go ther as to learn mor about this virus, but wit urhelp am really fighting it as am just close to 2month on therapy.
I luv you all and lets keep the faith up and pray the cure wil arive soon.
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Comment by: Jason S. (Maui, hawaii) Thu., Nov. 24, 2011 at 5:33 pm UTC
It is good to see that AIDS is now a more publicly understood issue thanks to brave individuals who continue to pioneer the road towards care and awareness rather than fear and threatening . I do not have AIDS but I am pleased to know it is not something that always is understood o mean sudden death. Thank you, brave outspoken souls!
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Comment by: Chi (KE) Mon., Oct. 17, 2011 at 1:34 pm UTC
Hi everyone, I am trying to wrap my head around this but a month later and its proving to be harder than I thought. Doing this alone is damn near impossible, I was ok for a while but I think I'm losing the one person I have been completely honest and vulnerable with and its affecting me negatively..(no he's not dying, just slowly pulling away) I have been avoiding people totally. I think i just need to find and connect with other people going through the same thing for encouragement. I'm sure eventually i will get past this and will be the one encouraging people, but for now my heart is forcing its way out of my chest...this is bar none the worst thing i have been through in my 30 odd yrs. This will be my "dear diary" therapy page
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Comment by: sam (namibia) Tue., Dec. 27, 2011 at 2:26 am UTC
were in the same shoe, am having the same feeling but lets be strong and pray more to gain our confidense back, i hav not yet disclose to anyone and i think that is what affecting me more than anything.
Comment by: LISA (FL) Tue., Jan. 31, 2012 at 10:06 am UTC
Chi, I felt the same way when I fisrt got my diagnosis..actually I went through a roller coaster of feelings, even denial.Although it may seem like the worst thing in the world right will learn that as long as you take your medications and keep up with doctors appointment that you will live a normal full life. I know that sounds crazy right now. I was diagnosed in 2009 and since then I have come to realize that I am actually more healthy than most people who do not have HIV. This page was my life saver, so come often and just helps.
Comment by: MP (Chicago) Wed., Feb. 1, 2012 at 11:07 am UTC
You are preaching to the choir if you know what I mean.. I was diagnosed in August, and thought that I would be able to accept it as the time went by but here it is Feb 1stm and it seems to be worse. I cant even wake up in the morning without it on my mind. Any little thing that happens to me I am freaking out and I am a nervous reck. The most scary part for me still is blood work for your doctor's appoinments. I am trying so hard and praying. But I agree this is the worse I have ever been through in my whole 32 years of living

Comment by: Agi (Nai) Thu., Sep. 29, 2011 at 3:48 pm UTC
Hi guys,Agi from kenya we are sailing in tha same four years now bt i believe one day God wil do samething
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Comment by: shalomt (South Africa) Sun., Sep. 4, 2011 at 8:57 pm UTC
i was diagnosed on 3rd aug 2011, just over 4 weeks ago. i started taking atripla from the 17th aug. after i found out i googled the internet the whole night for information & bumped into the body. the stories here have kept me going. but im keeping it a secret. i can't even tell the person who infected me because i know he will deny it & blame it on me that i must have cheated & gave it to him. whereas he was the one who was unfaithful throughout our 4 year relationship. i here why you all tell someone, i ask myself, what will telling someone change? i dont have close friends or a boyfriend. i feel like telling my 2 kids would scare them. i cant tell my family as i hear comments they make about hiv people. id rather make it my own secret.

when i find a partner i think it will be the 1st person i tell, because i wouldnt want to infect someone knowingly. i have been single for 10mnths. but the thought of knowing i will never have sex flesh to flesh for the rest of my life kills me, i guess with time i'll accept. how do you all cope with that?
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Comment by: mpho (polokwane) Mon., Mar. 12, 2012 at 8:47 am UTC
Be strong my friend and know that God will never forsake you.

Comment by: sumathi (bangalore) Tue., Aug. 23, 2011 at 9:25 am UTC
let's pray to god to get freedom from this virus
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Comment by: eric (houston tx) Wed., Aug. 10, 2011 at 9:35 am UTC
Hi guys I need help on how to live with hiv positive long life. I am 26 yrs old. Just recently diagnosed on july 22 2011. I would like to know how can I keep healthy and live with hiv positive for a long time. Is hiv positive a death sentence.
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Comment by: LISA (FL) Tue., Jan. 31, 2012 at 10:00 am UTC
Eric, HIV is a life changing journey, not a death sentence although it may feel like one at first. What many people are not realizing is that many people around you on a daily basis are probably HIV poss. My advice from experience is to take your meds and take care of yourself. If you do this and keep up with your appointment then you will live a long life just like anyone else. Good luck and health to you.

Comment by: Mercy (zimbabwe) Sat., Jul. 23, 2011 at 7:38 am UTC
am empowered and life goes on.
It seems everyone has happy faces
and looking healthy.
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Comment by: DK (Tokyo , japan) Mon., Jun. 6, 2011 at 6:49 pm UTC
I was diagnosed at may 17 . 2011, after 3 days of my dad death. I just finished my colege here are doing part time work here , I was looking for a job . It was really difficult to control myself at that moment . Because I am in foreign country and can't back my country also . Because my country still didn't provide treatment if some NGO help +ve people but they have to come publicly . So society still not friendly with .+ve people. Now I am trying for treatment but it's very long process of visa . and get medicine also. After lost my I am fighting for job. Doing part time work for survive and hospital also. I made 2 friend here they are helping me a lot but... still I am very weak...I just shere my feeling here... God bless all of us.
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Comment by: Max Niggl (Melbourne Australia) Thu., May. 26, 2011 at 8:05 pm UTC
Such great short messages of hope, strategies to deal with HIV and a refection of the diversity of the epidemic.
Well done guys
We have a similar resource called ""Changing Voices" on our website
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Mon., May. 23, 2011 at 8:24 am UTC
Hello everyone...I hope your spirits are high. I am doing well today. I haven't been on for a while, but I do like to check in from time to time to make sure you are all o.k. Well I got some good news on my last doctor HIV is now undetectable. That means I am ahead of the HIV and can laugh in its face for a minute. Although I do worry about becoming resistant to my meds, I have been on them for a while now, and so far so good. I hope all of you are doing good too. I am amazed at how talking to people I have never met has been such a great experience for me. I feel as if I am family here, and I worry about everyone on here. I have spent the majority of my battle reading stories and trying to give insight on the things I have been through since I found out over 2 years ago. Everyone I have read about on here has got the biggest hearts and are some of the bravest people I have ever met. Although I realize that being HIV + is not a death sentence, I really know that I am still sick even without symptoms. I know I can live a long normal life with this disease, I am just beginning to be afraid that some people may think that it is not all that bad. I hope people will realize that this is a disease that is constantly fighting with our bodies and constantly changing and at anytime can take a turn for the worse. So although we all are living like everyone else most of us healthy , people should NOT begin to take HIV/AIDS lightly, It is serious. Please do not put your self at risk. Even if your partner is HIV+ ...still protect yourself, because every strain of the virus is different and two people with HIV have 2 different strains which can cause the disease to mutate and become resistant. And if you have not yet been tested...please do so.
Well anyway...I hope all of you are doing good and Thanks to you all for all your posts.
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Comment by: Max (California) Wed., May. 18, 2011 at 8:01 pm UTC
It's been almost a year since I was diagnosed. Even posted here as soon as I found out.
Im great, healthy and the happiest I have ever been. I enjoy life more now and take nothing for granted.
I havent told many people yet. Only 2 friends know about it.
The only thing that has changed in my life is that I have to take meds everyday and see the doctor every 3-6 months.
Im LIVING a normal life with HIV. And so can you.

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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Mon., May. 23, 2011 at 7:41 am UTC
Good outlook Max. And best wishes for you . This site was kind of a savior for me, and I hope you post updates now and then to let us know your progress. As you have noticed we live with HIV and not die from HIV. Thanks for your posts.

Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Thu., Apr. 21, 2011 at 8:47 am UTC
How is everyone doing??? Great I hope. I have recently lost 2 of my friends to Aids. It was pretty awakening to me. I have known them for 16 years. First of all let me say that they were not very persistent in battling their sickness, They were addicted to drugs and never stuck with treatment for a normal period of time. I known of their sickness for 13 of the 16 years, and they did not take care of themselves at all.
The experience of their deaths has made me realize even more how very important it is to take my meds and keep myself healthy. People must start realizing that in order for this disease to lose, we must take control of it. If HIV+ people continue to ignore the problem then it will never go away, it will only get stronger. I take my battle with HIV serious..I prepare for the war every day when I wake up and I fight for my life every waking minute. I try to tell everyone I know the importance of getting tested and practicing safe sex. This site has kept me thinking in a positive way, and has givin me a shoulder to cry on when the war seemed to rough. I come on here and read the stories and realize that living with HIV is just what it says...LIVING!!! I am not 6 feet under yet and as long as I have a breath in my body this illness will not win. Remember to take care of yourselves and if you are put on meds...TAKE THEM REGULARLY!!! I cannot emphasize people the importance of this enough.
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Comment by: pelo (pretoria, South Africa) Tue., May. 3, 2011 at 9:02 am UTC
Hi lisa keep up the good work everytime i read your post i become very happy and forget about this problem i think u are ablessing to this webside pls keep up the good work love you.
Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Mon., May. 23, 2011 at 7:44 am UTC
PELO..Thank you, and I think we all are a blessing when we visit and post here. Just take good care of yourself and again, Thank you.

Comment by: jennifer (spokane wa) Sun., Mar. 20, 2011 at 8:51 pm UTC
i found out on march 7 2011 that i am possitive and tomarrow i go to the dr for my first appt i feel like everyone thinks i am dying will someone please tell me the truth am i going to die i also recently told my ex husband can i do anything to help him deal with this and what do i do to get healthy is it common for me to get really tired please will someone help me i am also a christian i believe in healing
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Comment by: Bastien (Spartanburg, SC) Wed., Mar. 23, 2011 at 2:15 am UTC
No you are not going to die from the disease, you'll be able to live a full life with it so please don't worry about that. People who are uneducated about HIV automatically assume it's AIDS, the two are very different. And I understand your religious beliefs but no amount of prayer will remove the disease, just go to the doctor and figure out what meds (if any) you need to be on. Stop smoking, if you do, and start eating healthier and exercise regularly.
Comment by: Natt Dogg (Randburg JHB) Thu., Apr. 14, 2011 at 9:51 am UTC
Hi, Jennifer, first I would like to advice you that being HIV+ is not DYING you can or will live longer than anyone who is -, see the doctor and if you need to start treatment so be it feel free and all will be okay, its always the case when you first discover that you are + I felt tired too..stop smoking and just accept it you are not alone. Thanks. LOVE YOU ALL.
Comment by: natt Dogg (Randburg JHB) Thu., Apr. 14, 2011 at 10:01 am UTC
Hi, J

Firstly I think its normal to feel or be tired after knowing your status it happened to me too, ok first of all visit this website im here and feeling strong today because of this website, i have only told my family about my status...otherwise i just live the same way..on Saturday im visiting my doctor to START ARVs...and im looking forward to it..dont know how we can communicate etc...but lets use this web for now... wish i could meet you and tell you my story...its been hard!!!!! now im okay!! sharing what you go through with someone who is going through the same problem is very good..!! join groups ko hae meet some groups where you can chat about it!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Comment by: Josef (Philadelphia, Pa) Fri., Mar. 11, 2011 at 1:07 pm UTC
So todays March 11th, I was diagnosed with HIV March 8th. yup its been 3 days. For those who have just been diagnosed with HIV listen to me. Yea that night i called off work that night "cause someone very close to me done die..i did" i slept through that pain. That pain does not go away. When i first heard the news, i was in shock, i couldnt ask questions cause my mind was on standby.i was calm until the next day. i started to feel ashamed, abused, hurt, alone, dead, unwanted, isolated..the next day (march 9th) i cried on the stairs, ended up back in my room, my best friend is worried cause she had never ever saw me cry..i pulled out the ripped up paper that verified i had HIV out the trash full of soon as she started crying, I like, IM THE ONE THAT NEEDS TO CRY..ever since then I said, I need you to be strong for me as I am for myself. I Know this is not a death sentence, I already take care of my body. (march 10th) I am in the process of finding a good HIV experienced doctor, and i already am about to goto support groups. I have a counselor who already checked out my butt (so i know I still got I bet you are wondering how I am thinking positively, well i was on this website just like you listening to all the advice. it helped alot. one more thing I learned awhile back..your emotions does play a part with your immune system. dont stress yourself, things get worse. just eat right, limit alcohol consumption to like a margerita here and there. wine is fine. dance, cardio, out..dont sit and cry your life away. write a book about your experiences. just continue to live the life you lived the week before you found out. I was smiling like it was christmas last week, why should i be sad today? im not going to die (cause imma fight this easy battle) i will take meds when the time come. I will use this an when i get my RN License and study public health i will do something great. watch! its the 11th, i will continue to live Positively
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Thu., Apr. 21, 2011 at 8:24 am UTC
Good outlook Josef, and you are so right. Live life and just take care of yourself and everything will be just fine. This site was a life saver for me, it let me know that there are so many wonderful people that are willing to talk and help.Good luck and dont give up.

Comment by: Natt Dogg (JHB South Africa) Fri., Mar. 4, 2011 at 6:40 am UTC
Hi, all

how is everybody doing???? Lets keep chatting about our situation, for some this is the only friend we have. As hard as it SEEMS we surviving...anyone IN South Africa want to be friends...please let me know...mail: Thanks all!
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Mon., May. 23, 2011 at 7:50 am UTC
Natt.. Yes we should all keep posting and updating this site. It is the only thing some people have and as long as we continue to be here for each other and show people that there ARE people who care maybe more people can become less afraid to talk about it. Sometimes being able to talk to someone who truly understands the day to day life makes it easier,even if it is a stranger.

Comment by: cupid (bethal,MP) Sat., Feb. 26, 2011 at 5:25 am UTC
i wouid like to encourage all victims of hiv to hold on to their treatment and to those who think being diagnosed with the virus is the end of the wourld,however nothing does not kill nowadays
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Comment by: mimi Kasiloy (DAR Tanzania) Fri., Feb. 11, 2011 at 6:01 pm UTC
Most pics show ppl who were diagnosed in the late nineties. Not that it makes any difference but what if i was diagnosed yesterday. Looking for sympathy or some sort of a similar situation.
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Comment by: mpho (South Africa (Limpopo)) Tue., Jan. 25, 2011 at 3:44 pm UTC
I am going to get my results tomorrow for the HIV test i did last friday and realy scared. My wife found out when she was 5 months pregnant and did two tests since then and came back negative, but was adviced to test regularly as the virus has a window period, but this time around I did a lab test and pray that I am ok. I will come and share with you whatever the outcome my friends and i realy need you now more than ever. Good night friends
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Comment by: Natt Dog (JHB South Africa) Fri., Mar. 4, 2011 at 6:41 am UTC
Send me your email on would like to chat with you. thanks bra.

Comment by: Natt Dog (JHB South Africa) Sun., Jan. 2, 2011 at 3:17 pm UTC
Hi, all how is everybody doing? how was the new year's eve etc? im okay everybody,,,,,,just enjoying LIFE, everybody who is + I love you all!!!!!
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Wed., Jan. 12, 2011 at 10:24 am UTC
Thank you much.
Comment by: Mpho (Polokwane) Tue., Jan. 25, 2011 at 3:57 pm UTC
Love you too man, i finally paid the Lobola man, excited as my wife is strong and healthy.
Comment by: Natt Dog (JHB) Fri., Mar. 11, 2011 at 2:45 pm UTC
Dats great Mpho......very good..I will do the same soon!!

Comment by: kenneth j (detroit) Thu., Dec. 30, 2010 at 5:19 pm UTC
i would like to let you know that i been diagnosed in the year 2001 and been ok dealing with it so far in my life.
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Comment by: joseph (brooklyn ,nyc) Wed., Dec. 29, 2010 at 1:45 pm UTC
just found out 2mnths ago 10/2010 all i can say is im fighting it wit everything i got i have 2much 2 live 4
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Wed., Jan. 12, 2011 at 10:25 am UTC
Keep fighting,everything will get better and never give up.

Comment by: lonelyboy (Mla, PH) Tue., Dec. 28, 2010 at 8:47 pm UTC
I came across this site before, from then on I constantly visit this site. It helps a lot, especially when i knew yesterday and confirmed (December 28, 2010) that I am HIV positive. I hope that specialist find ways to eradicate the virus. Thumbs up guys! very Informative! Keep it up!
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Comment by: Maryjane (South africa(polokwane) ) Sun., Dec. 26, 2010 at 12:30 pm UTC
Honestly this webside keep me going,since i got in to this web i can feel that my dreams are going to come true,i was always crying that i might not see the sun rise again,PLEASE KEEP UP THE GOOD JOB YOUR ARE DOING.THANK YOU
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Wed., Dec. 29, 2010 at 8:45 am UTC
The sun will rise again..and set for many years. take care of yorself and you will live as long as anyone else. This site is a life saver at times, even for those of us who have known our status for years.
Comment by: mpho (South Africa -polokwane) Tue., Jan. 25, 2011 at 3:51 pm UTC
Hang in there my hommie as you still to see more sun rises. Drop me an email at <removed by moderator>. I am waiting my results for tomorrow and I pray that all is fine.
Comment by: natt dogg (JHB) Mon., Jan. 31, 2011 at 9:44 am UTC
Hang on there,,,Maryjane..all will be okay. love you all!!

Comment by: neil r. (PHX, AZ) Fri., Dec. 10, 2010 at 10:15 pm UTC
well my ex.husband that life me to go back to his ex give me this and he did not tell me that he had it but i learn to live everyday like its my last and just haviung alote of fun
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Comment by: Alisha (Atlanta) Sun., Dec. 5, 2010 at 6:57 pm UTC
I appreciate all of your comments. Now Im not scared to get tested. I could cope with my results either way.
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Comment by: Natt Dog (Johannesburg South Africa) Wed., Nov. 17, 2010 at 9:47 am UTC
Hi, Chad...take it easy and all will be okay you will be scared the first time but after a while all will be okay, with a site like this you can always visit it and AT least communicate with people who are + too. Only tell people you think are worth being told, and again try and get someone near you who is + that you can at least SPEAK to if a friend. there should be someone around looking fr a friend like you too, alternatively this site is good it help me cope with my stutas. All the best and hope you will be ok soon. thanks Chad!
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Wed., Dec. 29, 2010 at 8:41 am UTC
Well said

Comment by: olivera m. (lagos nigeria) Sat., Nov. 13, 2010 at 1:17 pm UTC
my advice to someone who have been tested positive is that the person should calm down,take his or her drugs according to the way it was diagonsed and live like a normal human.
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Comment by: olivera m. (lagos.nigeria) Sat., Nov. 13, 2010 at 12:59 pm UTC
play safe.avoid unsterlized neddle or pin .be faithful to your partner.receive hiv/aids tips or precaution
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Comment by: Chad (Spain) Thu., Nov. 11, 2010 at 8:09 pm UTC
I had chicken pox 8 months ago and was tested for hiv it was all clear but have been sick ever since, So i went back to the doctor and today they told me i have hiv dont know how i feel or how to react!can some on help me please.thanks Chad
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Comment by: eric b (new york, ny) Sat., Jan. 7, 2012 at 8:40 am UTC
Chad, unfortunately, the doctor may have misdiagnosed acute seroconversion syndrome as chicken pox. During seroconversion syndrome, you can break out in a rash that looks very much like chicken pox.
consider yourself lucky that you had the common sense to get tested, which now allows you to get proper treatment. Try to seek out a specialist. They will help with managing the disease. Let me know how you're doing.

Comment by: Lucrisha (Zimbabwe) Thu., Nov. 11, 2010 at 7:03 am UTC
I have just found out l am HIV Positive yesterday and l am so scared....trying to remain positive but it is tuff.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Wed., Dec. 29, 2010 at 8:40 am UTC
It is tough, especially if you aren't educated on things as they are today.Things are so much different than they were 5 or 10 years ago, the meds are better and its not death sentence as it once was thought to be. the only down side is that there isn't much education out there that you don't have to search for yourself, but I have known I was pos. for going on 2 years now, and I can honestly say, it is nowhere as bad as I thought it would be. Just keep your head up and visit this sight evry now and then . it gets easier.

Comment by: Natt dogg (JHB) Tue., Nov. 9, 2010 at 8:46 am UTC
Hi, Amy go for a test the sooner the better.........maybe you are negative...
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Comment by: amy (london) Wed., Nov. 3, 2010 at 11:13 pm UTC
jst found out dat d man i've been sleepin wif 4 d past 2 months has got hiv,wifout tellin me.wat do i do.
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Comment by: Natte Dog (Limpopo) Wed., Nov. 3, 2010 at 10:51 am UTC
Hi, Mpo....keep strong brother keep strong I like your atitude.....thanks for all the posts, they do make a difference ...thanks all!!!
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Comment by: mpho (polokwane) Mon., Oct. 18, 2010 at 8:22 am UTC
hey gud people,

it has been a long time since i was on the site and it is good to see that you are still going strong. my wife is going for her cd4 count today and i pray that she is ok as she is not ready to go on medication yet. any advice that i can give her if she founds that the cd4's have gone down.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Wed., Dec. 29, 2010 at 8:32 am UTC
I believe the sooner she starts medications, the better. It will eventually happen anyway, and trust me mine arent as bad as i thought they would be...its kinda like taking different vitamins every day. no biggy. good luck and I hope She is doing well.
Comment by: mpho (limpopo) Tue., Jan. 25, 2011 at 3:54 pm UTC
Thank you Lisa for the advice, much appreciated.

Comment by: emilia (endola) Wed., Oct. 13, 2010 at 6:52 am UTC
even although you are hiv positive,you are still important and worth.nothing wrong .you can still lead a normal life.
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Comment by: DWIGHT B. (MEMPHIS TENN) Mon., Sep. 27, 2010 at 5:37 pm UTC
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Comment by: B (New jersey) Mon., Aug. 16, 2010 at 1:34 pm UTC
Sitting in the parking lot of my doctors. Waiting for test results. Really worried
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Wed., Dec. 29, 2010 at 8:27 am UTC
Good luck, and hope it is good news.

Comment by: Lisa (Michigan) Mon., Jul. 26, 2010 at 4:55 pm UTC
I love you all. I was diagnosed 3 months ago.
Thanks for this wonderful resource.God loves me and you all. Be blessed
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Wed., Dec. 29, 2010 at 8:26 am UTC
This sight was alot of help for me, and I hope it will be for you.Its like a family at times.

Comment by: Max (California) Tue., Jul. 20, 2010 at 4:36 am UTC
Im 29 years-old and was just diagnosed + a little over a month ago. I went for a random test, as I wasnt tested in over 2 years then got the unexpected result. Hard to believe since I dont have any symptoms at all. The first 2 days I couldnt believe that this happened to me, I was disgusted at myself, I felt that I let everyone who cares for me down. Everyone that told me to use protection and most of the time I did. I have only told my best friend so far, and it was very hard, for me and for him. At this point I dont think I will tell my family anytime soon.
I have accepted my status and will LIVE with it. I will start taking meds next month and will live my life even better than b4.
I realized I brought this upon myself, because of my reckless behavior at times, but I thank GOD, that I went to take the test and I will start treatment sooner than later.
For those out there who dont know what to do after being diagnosed positive, read about it, this website is great, and learn that you will live for a long time if you take care of yourself. Also, encourage your friends to take the test, you dont have to tell them your status.
And always wear protection. All it takes is one time.

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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Wed., Dec. 29, 2010 at 8:51 am UTC
Good luck Max, and well wishes. The advice was right on target.

Comment by: Brian H. (Memphis, TN) Wed., Jul. 14, 2010 at 7:06 pm UTC
I'm a 24 year old gay male who found out I was positive May of 2008. There were lots of emotions at first, anger, worry, fear, doubt, but above all I had hope. The doctors office loved when I came in because I had a smile on my face and a happy demeanor. My numbers were really off what they should be at first, and I started a medicine treatment immediately, then they found a mutation and had to put me on a 3 pill a day regimen that I continue to this day. A few months later, I was undetectable and my CD4 has slowly been going up (around 400 now). Having a support system is key, and having hope and living your life. You will come across people who reject you and who just don't understand, but it will be worth it when you have those people who truly care and want to know you for you, forgetting about that one piece of information about you being positive. Chin up, keep smiling, and make sure others are being educated on what you have and are going through, and that it is alright.
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Comment by: john (london) Tue., Jul. 13, 2010 at 5:04 pm UTC
i found out i was hiv the day i layed my mums ashs to rest may2009 ,ive not told my family because the familey fell apart when my mum died,ive had to tell work because i had to go on mediction and the side affect ,at frist wasnt very supportd ,after serval letter off compaint
and the threat off court action and doctors letters they backed off,my close friends at work have been a rock
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Tue., Jul. 6, 2010 at 7:31 am UTC
YANDI- I know this is a terrible time for you and I know how scared and alone you feel. It is very important that you tell your boyfriend about your HIV. I know that seems like the hardest thing you will ever have to do, but if you don't tell him and he is pos. then he could unknowingly infect someone else. A year and a half ago, I was diagnosed as being HIV pos. and I had to call my husband at work and tell him to come home so I could tell him. At the time..I didn't want to tell anyone, I was so afraid of being alone,especially then. After the main shock wore off, he got tested a day or so later and found out he was neg. Thankfully, I told him and it wasn't to late. We are still together and living a normal life,having safe sex and he remains to be HIV neg.
I am not sure if the same thing will happen with you, but you will be surprised at how things may turn out.
Things do get better and easier, it is not a death sentence and with the medications that are there to can live healthy and happy just like the rest of the world. You do not have to tell anyone about you status, except the ones you are intimate with. I have been taking my meds for a year or so now and my HIV is undetectable, which means the amount of infection in my blood is so low it does not show up in my blood work. which is almost as good as being HIV neg. although I still have to be careful, and tell anyone that I may be intimate with or people who may come in contact with my bodily fluids,because even though it is undetectable..I can still infect other people.
Just do as much research as you can..ask the doctors plenty of questions( no matter how stupid or small you may think the questions are), and do what they tell to, and you will see...everything will turn out fine. Keep you head up and keep yourself healthy and happy...You will live a long life.
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Comment by: Yandi (durban SA) Mon., Jul. 5, 2010 at 5:53 pm UTC
hi guys im 26yrs jst found out a week ago that im positive honeslty speaking i dnt know how i feel about it. I have thought about what next but i can seem to find a answer i havent told any1 about my status not even my boyfreind of 2months coz i dnt even knw whethr i have infected him or not im scared to tell any1. but it nice to see there is people like your'll outside hoping staying in this site will help me. Thanks alots guys
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Comment by: Mpho (limpopo) Tue., Jan. 25, 2011 at 3:55 pm UTC
How are doing Yandi? I will be with you in my prayers,take care

Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Wed., Jun. 23, 2010 at 5:03 pm UTC
Well it looks as if no one posts much anymore, but I will continue to check in regularly to see the stories and progress of everyone when they do post. I hope this day is finding everyone healthy and in good spirits. I know everyday that I wake up is a blessing and an adventure all in one. Life has been like a roller coaster for me this past year or so, and I know for most of the ones who are just finding out they are positive, it will be a bumpy road ahead . I just want you all to keep your head up, tomorrow has a lot to offer and everyday is a new day. When you come to a dead end street, you can either stop and give up or make a new road. Turning back would only take you where you have already been and thats not worth going through again. So begin the new road with you head held high and make it the best road you have traveled.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Tue., Jun. 8, 2010 at 8:37 am UTC
A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses.-
Hippocrates (460 BC - 377 BC)
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Comment by: Dreamer (France) Sun., Jun. 6, 2010 at 8:53 pm UTC
@ Dreamer,

Just over 1 year pos , have also been stuck in a rut... drink and cigs!!! but now going to the gym more, challenges like 4 or 5 days without any alcohol or cigs... with the aim of keeping it socialable, i`m feeling better for it... you`ll get there too,

Good luck,

Dreamer (FR)

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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Wed., Jun. 2, 2010 at 9:37 am UTC
Hello everyone,again,lol. You should go to Youtube and look for JUSTINS HIV JOURNAL..He is vey inspiring and it helped me alot to know what to expect. His video journal is a great way to understand alot of what goes on with meds and evrything that comes with them. If you feel like it, just check it out.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Wed., Jun. 2, 2010 at 9:01 am UTC
Well, I am back today.
DEAR lol- I have read your post and I hope everything is going good for you. I also hope you have found the strength to carry on with your life as we all have done. As for your son, I also hope you have decided to have him tested. The world is a different place since the 80's when HIV and AIDS were first discovered, and the science has came a long way. The earlier the virus is detected and treated, the better the chance of survival. I believe that no one should be afraid to get tested or even afraid of the results, only they should be afraid of not finding out in enough time to successfully treat it and get on with their lives. I know that the first thing that you think when you hear the news is ," Oh my God...What am I going to do now?" But I have come to learn in this past year that life goes on and the only difference between me and the rest of the world is my outlook on life. I am here to tell you that you are special and just because you are HIV pos. does not mean you have to change your life, just maybe your lifestyle. I hope you and your family will grow stronger and find the time to be happy and love yourselves no matter what.I thank you for the posts and I hope you continue to post on here as you learn, so that other may be able to cope with their new diagnoses. We are all some people have sometimes, and it helps, not only the people who read our posts but ourselves as well.Therapeutic, kinda I would say. And to everybody else...hang in there and stay strong...tomorrow is a brand new day!
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Tue., Jun. 1, 2010 at 10:18 am UTC
Hello everyone. It has been a while since I was able to post. I lost internet and cannot post on my cell. I hope evryone has been doing great. As for me well all has been good. I take my meds everyday as I am supposed to, VERY IMPORTANT! As I do not want to become resistant. I have came a long way with my new life. I have been able to tell more people that I am positive, and surprisingly...they are all so supportive. Nothing like I thought it would be. When I was first diagnosed, I was so sick,alone and afraid. As the year and a half has passed, I have embraced the new life I got and I just try to keep a good outlook on things. I have found that the people who do not hang around when they found out, that they were never really there in the first place. To anyone who was just diagnosed...please love yourself, no matter what. When and if you are put on meds, Do not be afraid of the side effects, have been on my meds for a year or so and I have had very few, and hardly noticable side effects. I hope you all keep your heads up. I will post again tomorrow.
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Comment by: marie (Philadelphia) Wed., May. 19, 2010 at 10:01 pm UTC
You guys keep your heads up and may God Bless you.
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Comment by: CE (London UK) Fri., May. 7, 2010 at 11:55 am UTC
I came across this site when researching after (thank God) my negative screen came back. I find it so inspiring that there was so much support out there, and the courage and will that everyone has brought me to tears. I absolutely wish the best for all of you, and I hope that we find a cure and eradicate this virus. My very best, and prayers to all of you living with it, and keep doing exactly that--LIVING with it. Its not a death sentence, and you can still live a good life. My heart goes out to you, and God bless this site, and the activists that provide this much needed support network.
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Comment by: Dreamer (UK) Mon., Apr. 26, 2010 at 6:47 pm UTC
Thom Reiser, thank you for such an inspiring post, i really admire your attitude, i`m 1 year poz and have turned to alcohol and smoking for most of the past year... really trying to get myself out of this and get to and get to where you are
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Comment by: Thom Rieser (Providence, Rhode Island) Sun., Apr. 25, 2010 at 6:09 pm UTC
As challenging as this experience has been, I would not give it up or trade it for anything in the world. Being HIV+ has really taught me about living and what I need to do to charge of my life; to follow my goals and pursuits, and to embrace fear in every context. I was in recovery when I was diagnosed in 1994 and, based on risk behavior, I am fairly certain that I have been infected since the last 1980's. My recovery from alcohol abuse has only gotten stronger, and my life has continued to get better. It just means settling in to do the deeper work around your fears and learning to be comfortable with who you really are; to let go of shame and guilt. I doubt if I would have pursued my deeper growth and potential if I had not been diagnosed. Life really is a process of letting go and embracing only that which nurtures and challenges us. My goal is to help anyone out there who is struggling with this disease.
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Comment by: eric b (new york, ny) Sat., Jan. 7, 2012 at 8:45 am UTC
i would give this up faster than the speed of light. glad that you are working your problems out, though.

Comment by: bell (jamaica) Mon., Apr. 19, 2010 at 1:15 am UTC
If I were to be diagnose, not sure what I would do. Happy to know though that people are living long and productive life with this disease. God bless u all.
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Comment by: worried one (united states) Thu., Apr. 15, 2010 at 10:24 pm UTC
Hello everyone, I just want to say that people with this terrible disease have amazing courage and will to live and I hope that they find a cure soon! I am just online doing a lot of research and recently had a complete std screening and tested negative for hiv and it was after the window period but I am still showing symptoms. I was just curious if any of you guys who are positive believe that the window period is true by saying that 97% of people test positive if infected by 3 months and 99.9% by 6 months. Thanks so much to anyone who replies and god bless you all.
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Comment by: Sinaran Arjuna (Malaysia) Tue., Mar. 30, 2010 at 9:48 pm UTC
Believe that there is still a brightening life after been dianosed with HIV positif. Please get educated and fully supports from many sourses.
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Comment by: francis (seattle,wa) Fri., Mar. 12, 2010 at 9:46 pm UTC
i did get tested 3 times for hiv and rt-pcr test after 90 days. now im awaiting for my elisa test again. i have these rashes and feeling of discomfort for the last three weeks. i have courage to face my diagnosis, at least for now. do i hope its negative of course i do. im married and i told my wife , this is not gonna stop us for being happy, whatever it is. if it is hiv, then all the things i read here will help me. thank to everyone.
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Comment by: Winkidory (JHB South Africa) Fri., Mar. 5, 2010 at 8:39 am UTC
Hi, Tested + last year August and it was very very difficult for me and my partner but now we coping a bit, I hardly slept last year after the news...At the moment we are using revivo, anyone ever used this madicine please giveus your thoughts on it. Does it help or anyone suggesting some medicine please help, will buy it! Thanks all.
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Comment by: miriam m. mutunga (kwale.) Thu., Mar. 4, 2010 at 4:32 am UTC
My advice to those diagnised with HIV is that, iT Is a disease like any other and one with it can live longer than those without regardless of their protection. Relax, do what is required, stay under medication, improve your diet and be happier than before.
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Comment by: takesha (syracuse NY) Sat., Feb. 27, 2010 at 12:14 am UTC
my and my boyfriend just found out june 2009. Its been kind of hard and it is just hitting my boyfriend hard. help have no one to talk to.
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Comment by: akinyi j. (silverspring, MD) Fri., Feb. 26, 2010 at 6:08 pm UTC
Testing HIV+ was the most devastating moment in my life.I stayed in denial for almost 5years ,then i lived on like any healthy person would and ignored anything to do with HIV . Occasionally I looked at my self in the mirror over and over again thought i was beautiful.Today I have accepted my status and living and moving on.when you accept you actually move on.
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Comment by: rachelle (maryland) Wed., Feb. 24, 2010 at 3:45 pm UTC
diagnosed in 2004 is was a shock and i went in coma for while in my coma i heard a voice tell me to go back and everythings wil be good, this voice give a chance to came back and i think God love me and now i m waiting for the promise
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Comment by: josie doe (nc) Mon., Feb. 1, 2010 at 10:47 am UTC
I had sex with someone don,t the if they positive or not in 2006 had a hiv test done in 07,08,09 came back negative black female is possibe that the test could be wrong
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Comment by: Chicano in Tampa 2 (Tampa, FL) Thu., Jan. 28, 2010 at 2:40 pm UTC
Chicano in Tampa??? Wow - good to know - would love to connect with you. I was very active in the HIV Latino and Black communities in Miami, LA, SD, and NYC but haven't had the willingness/motivation to connect locally in Tampa. Still trying to motivate myself and get back into the gym - if u wouldn't mind I would love to grab coffee sometime.
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Comment by: herpes dating (seattle,WA) Wed., Jan. 27, 2010 at 4:05 am UTC
I don't have HIV, I have Herpes. But this page is useful for me. I think you can set up some category for herpes people meet such as do
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Comment by: Dandy Sunken (NY) Sat., Jan. 23, 2010 at 2:15 pm UTC
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Comment by: hurt but not yet wounded (sc) Sat., Mar. 16, 2013 at 6:26 pm UTC
just trust and have faith in god the devil was busy with this virus but he's a liar

Comment by: looking for a hiv++ BRIDE (india,mumbai) Fri., Jan. 22, 2010 at 4:57 am UTC
I have been living with HIV for about three years. I can't seem to find the right regimen. I have no support from my family or friends. What can I do to make my life better?
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Comment by: Lol (Lesotho) Wed., Jan. 20, 2010 at 3:42 am UTC
Hi Lisa! I only got this website on the 19th January 2010. As u can see my two comments, I was stilll devastated of my status. but believe me people like u inspired me. I woke up today knowing that I have a life to still live to the fullest. People like you really inspired me. It is always encouraging to realise that you are not alone and it is not bad to grief over ur hurting. In time we all get healed. I just wanna thank you all guyz. Im looking forward to the next 20+ year of living. God Bless you all!!!!
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Comment by: Leonardo (Calexico, CA) Wed., Jan. 20, 2010 at 3:31 am UTC
I've had the worst time of my life ever. I had sex with a stripper girl by about 5 weeks ago, losing my virginity at the same time, and during the sexual act she felt that the condom broke, which made me pull my penis off immediately. I was in panic and couldn?t really tell if the condom was broke. We also kissed. I started to get really bad symptoms after 3 weeks, like strong nausea which made me to almost puke, also high fever and high temperature. The next day, same symptoms but also I developed one bump of that specific rash that you get when you get the virus during the ARS period. Next day I got diagnosed Typhoid Fever after a blood test and I started taking antibiotics again (last time I was taking the same antibiotic was during the Christmas holidays, ranging from the 22nd to the 28th or something) And my nausea seemed to decrease, but my lack of appetite was remaining still. Its been a week since I started with the medication and I still suffer from light headaches and muscle pains, and some stomach issues. The bump of rash hasn't gone away yet and I fear this is due because of HIV more than because of Typhoid Fever, and I haven't fully recovered from the so called "Typhoid Fever" that I got diagnosed 1 week ago. My question is: Am I really going through the ARS period and not really suffering from the Typhoid Fever? I have that same rash that people develop during the ARS, but only one bump, I don't really know if this is related to Typhoid Fever, but I know is more related to ARS, that's why I'm really petrified.
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Comment by: stan (Nairobi, Kenya) Wed., Jan. 20, 2010 at 3:21 am UTC
My comment goes to Archie (Kenya). Please be strong, and make sure you seek medical assistance to keep your baby you expecting safe. it is the one thing you have to hold onto. you need the baby even when your Bf abandon you. Again how sure is he that he is not HIV+? Forget about him and think about yourself, and the baby first. Good luck dear.
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Comment by: hope lives (Buffalo, NY) Tue., Jan. 19, 2010 at 3:52 pm UTC

I just want to thank everyone for their encouraging words. When I first noticed the symptoms of hiv I was absolutely terrified. My thoughts consumed me and I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep... I'd lay awake at night staring at the clock wondering how this could have happened? What about my boyfriend? What if he has it and it's my fault? I was devistated and seriously contemplating suicide. I know this is a cleche but really I never thought it would be me. Thank god for resources like this. You all are so wonderfully candid and compassionate. Reading these comments makes me feel human again and no words could ever express how much that means to me. Thank you, I love each and every one of you.
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Comment by: flo (kenya) Tue., Jan. 19, 2010 at 8:19 am UTC
hi guyz ,been poz since 2005, as usual gone thru several hurdles here n there. Thank God th ewhol eordea of testing courage and now am living my life to the worry is i haven't gathered enough courage to disclose to my family,i've only disclosed to a friend of mine who is a counsellor,she's helped me alot coz those first days i got tested, i wanted to die, but now am hopefull for a better tommorow, i'm looking for friends in nairobi who are poz so that we can share and be there for @ other,I pray that God gives us strength to survive all our difficult times
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Comment by: Lol (Lesotho) Tue., Jan. 19, 2010 at 6:55 am UTC
It has been three months since I have tested hiv-positive. it just feels like it has been three years for me. I have a 10-month old boy. i am even afraid to go test him because by the time I was diagnosed with the disease, I was still breastfeeding him. I had tested negative three times prior to the one which revealed i was positive. Everydayb I wonder how i got the virus. That's what is really killing me. my husband tested negative & i have been faithful to him, we dated 5 years back. The only reson I feel like i need to live is my only son, otherwise I woud wish for some eternal rest with Almighty! the fact that my husband tested negative makes it difficult for me to discuss my health status with him openly! Please Pray for me that I feel alive again bcoz rigght now I don't wanna live1
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Comment by: Lol (Lesotho) Tue., Jan. 19, 2010 at 6:02 am UTC
I am married and have a 10 month old baby boy.I got diagnosed in October 2009. I could not believe this. It's because I had tested negative in all three tests I had earlier. My husband never got tested. After I tested positive, my husband took the test and surprisingly, it was negative. I was devastated because I had always been faithful to him all this time. To tell you guys the truth, I don't know how & where I got the disease. That is another reason why it is so difficult for me to get on with life as usual. i had not even gone to the doctor to check my viral load. It is even worse because I know my colleague's feeling about Hiv/Aids. I cannot talk to anyone except my husband, which is still not easy because he tested negative and there are so many questions which remain unanswered. I feel like the whole world could crash over me and die right now. Please put some sense into me.
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Comment by: Shawn (Olathe, KS) Sun., Jan. 17, 2010 at 2:17 am UTC
You all inspire me so much, I could not even begin to comprehend what you have gone through, your physical, mental and spiritual strength make me re exam the priorities in my own life.. God bless you all..
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Comment by: grateful (Harare, Zimbabwe) Fri., Jan. 15, 2010 at 5:03 am UTC
I was diagnosed on 9th of Dec 2005. I can never forget the day. I felt like my life was all shuttered. But somehow I had to accept it since i couldnt wish it away. Im still afraid to get my daughter tested. I obviously got the it from my husband and it has never been easy to forgive him, even though he is late. im still quite bitter and i miss being in love again. i feel so alone and unattractive. I cant stop envying those who are negative!
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Comment by: pelo (pretoria, South Africa) Thu., Jan. 14, 2010 at 6:59 am UTC
Can some one pls give information on where can i find a good hiv doctor around Pretoria, i will also like to share views with other hiv positive people around PTA e-mail me at
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Comment by: Si (Namibia ) Wed., Jan. 13, 2010 at 2:16 am UTC
In 4 hours time we will be receiving the results of our hiv test which we did late last year , 'm so scared for I cant even take anything, but when I walked in my office this morning I decided to google issue on hiv, and this site came to my comfort, to you people testifying on this site , my thank you word goes to you because you gave me hope for life after diagonisis , 'm strong now will go and pick my wife and go wait to receive the results . lets all keep trusting in our God.
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Comment by: Buyie (Gaborone, Botswana) Mon., Jan. 11, 2010 at 3:36 am UTC
I havent felt this reassurred in a while... thanks for the inspiration;
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Comment by: Shanida (newport news/hampton) Fri., Jan. 8, 2010 at 6:27 am UTC
I was diagnosed in 2008.When the doctor walked in the room already knew in my heart that he was gonna say I was HIV positive.All I could do was cry, but crying didn't help. I haven't been taking my meds like I should. I've been depressed. I want to share my story but I'm afraid of how people will look at me. I don't know who I contracted this virus from I was having unprotected sex with serveral different guys and some girls too. I never thought this would happen to me.Well now I know this disease doesn't discriminate. I want to live but not like this. Sometimes I feel like killing myself, but I have to think about my children. They need me and I need them.All I can say is if you are going to have sex please please use a condom. I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy.
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Comment by: Alex (UK) Fri., Jan. 1, 2010 at 7:35 pm UTC
I am paranoid, I sound pathetic thinking that I might have caught HIV off a friend at UNI through simply having oral sex. I had a test result, which was negative, but it was only 3 weeks after the incident. The risk is low I know, in fact I have more chance of dying in a car crash from this. It's just I'm only 18 and this would completely destroy my future.

I wish the best to all those diagnosed, and those awaiting results. Even though I most likely don't have HIV, living a few weeks as if I did (building up courage to go for a test), it has severely reduced any stigma I had for HIV & Aids people.

Happy New Year and all the best!
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Comment by: Chris (central Flordia) Mon., Dec. 28, 2009 at 12:13 pm UTC
My advise to people is to life life to the fullest . I have been living with Hiv for 23yrs,since 1984 and if i could turn back the hands of time i would of been more careful with the use of my body being so freely. young black and very attractive i had no idea, what i was putting my self out there for.Ive had 4 long term realationship and they were bad news, looking for that special sugar daddy. Now living in a 4 bedroom home with lover for 20yrs. iam pos and he the man with all my heart but we havent had sex for 5 yrs. because he afraid it might rub off. this should be wake up call to anyone out there who thinks being gay is so grand and along with friends in the limelight.thank God iam udtectable or i wouldn't know what to do. I have the best doctors that money could buy and as far as love and understand what i go thru every day living with rock on my back for the rest of my life, think before you even think about having unprotect sex . the thing wish they did have is group session for young adults to show them the path that choose to go down isnt all that .54yrs old now and was told at the age of 23yrs that you have Aids and all your friends around you are droping like flys maks you want wake everyday and thank the lord above. these woman have no idea what there husbands are doing and then they bring this desease home to you , check man and tell him to stop creeping out at night , on the down low.
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Comment by: P03T (SALT LAKE CITY, UT) Thu., Dec. 24, 2009 at 1:08 pm UTC
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Comment by: Henry (Utah) Wed., Dec. 23, 2009 at 12:04 pm UTC
Thank you so much, I was just diagnosticated in September, it has been really hard since I am 22 and I live here by myself. I am latino, i have black hair, black eyes, i have hiv... thank you!
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Comment by: Rochelle (Florida) Sun., Dec. 20, 2009 at 1:20 pm UTC
Thanks so much for the many postings. They have been helpful.

I have made it my mission to continually praying for everyone infected with HIV/AIDS. God is a healer. He did not say what disease or affliction he will heal from, therefore, I am to believe that He can heal from all!

May God keep us all during these trying times.
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Comment by: hopeful (Los Angeles) Wed., Dec. 16, 2009 at 2:36 am UTC
I'm very afraid that I might have HIV. I took a rapid oral test on thursday and it came out negative. Yet its done nothing to calm my nerves. I also took a blood test that day. I hope day and night that I don't have HIV, I'm 19 and my whole life lies ahead of me. My test results will be back next week hopefully and all I want for christmas is to be free of this doubt. I was stupid for what I did and now I'm paying the price. Wish me a negative result!
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Comment by: mpho (polokwane ( south africa )) Mon., Dec. 14, 2009 at 6:35 am UTC
Hey people, to all those who just found out they are hiv+, please go seek medical advice before you do anything and those who are pregnant and +, please ask people like Helen as they went through the same situation and i believe they will be able to help you. My son is 8 months and negative and growing up fast and i thank the meds that my fiance took while she was pregnant. Hang in there friends
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Comment by: Archie (Kenya) Sun., Dec. 13, 2009 at 5:51 pm UTC
I got tested a few days ago. i went to hospital with a cold and thought i would just get antibiotics. i had to do a blood test and it came out positive. i am still devastated. i haven't started on any medication yet. the 1st person i told a few hours after i found out was my fiance. a day later he broke up with me, saying he doesn't want anything to do with me again. he is the first and only person i have told and i told him coz i was in shock and didn't know who else to talk to. but now i have discovered this site. the worst part is that i found out i am pregnant too. i told my fiance and he said he will send me money for an abortion. that was not only insulting but heartbreaking too. i have decided to keep my baby coz that's my reason for living now. and i was really down but reading ur comments is giving me hope and am just so glad to know that i can actually have a healthy baby.
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Comment by: JC (Las Vegas) Sat., Dec. 12, 2009 at 3:30 pm UTC
I found out that I was HIV positive just about 36 hours ago. In the past day I have gone through almost every emotion that I could imagine and some. I had to work the next morning and I think I was still in shock until I got there and had a complete breakdown when someone said Good Morning. I worked for a few hours, or at least tried before I just couldn't do it anymore and went home. Now I have to figure out how to face the facts and get myself off the couch and go live my life. I'm going to try to find a support group and a doctor and figure out what next. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Hopefully in the coming weeks I will figure this out and be much more myslef then I am right now. I want to be able to smile again, and right now I am finding that very hard to do.
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Comment by: Stans (Nairobi) Tue., Dec. 8, 2009 at 9:16 am UTC
It has been nearly half an year since I was diagnosed HIV+, and immediately put on ARVs due to my low CD4 count. The good news is that i have had no SIDE EFFECTS from the drug, apart from the normal nausea feeling after taking med on an empty stomach. I asked my doctor if my CD4 was rising, and he informed me that they can only repeat the count after full six month, ie in Jan. He further told me that by the fact that i have had no serious ailment related to low CD4 is a good indication already that my CD4 has improved. I will however go for the count in Jan. the secret of living positively is good diet, seeking medical attention whenever need be; do not treat yourself. Disclose to a medical doctor anytime you visit a different practitioner.
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Comment by: Hellen (SA/JHB) Thu., Dec. 3, 2009 at 5:36 am UTC
Hi Anon first concratz on the baby..........i found out about my status when i was pregnat,was very scary but he is 6 months and neg. Go with someone that will support you whatever the outcome. wishing you all the best. please let us know if you're ok. :)
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Comment by: anon (south africa pretoria) Tue., Dec. 1, 2009 at 9:29 am UTC
i have just found out that i am pregnant and the next thing to do is go for the HIV test, i got tested last year and it was negative, the father of the baby just told me he tested negative, i never bothered to go together with him to see the results myself, i am soooooooooooooo scared to go for tests now, just thinking about the test makes my heart to skip a bit, what went through everyone's mind when you were waiting for your results? how can i counsel myself before going for the test.
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Comment by: Sue (Cleve OH) Mon., Nov. 30, 2009 at 12:45 am UTC
I was first diagnosed in May of 2009 as positive so I did the second test in Sept with the same results, not on any meds yet will be in two weeks but I try and make the best of each day the creator gives me with much praise I have set goals for myself and my immediate family and the biggest goal is to make tomorrow better than yesterday. Although some doors have closed new ones will always with help of the creator. My older brother died in the early 90`s, and since then I have learned as much as I can. The reason a lot of people are so cruel and mean with us having this virus which has been around long before some of us were even born, is because they are closed minded and don`t want to accept or learn, and more so afraid of the things they don`t know how to accept. God bless all of you each and everyday and continue to spread the LOVE.
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Comment by: chelsea (alb, NM) Thu., Nov. 26, 2009 at 11:13 pm UTC
today is a good day i spent holiday with my family and i have forgotten alot about the stuff i am going thru i am so happy i found this web sitE you all have changed my life i want to LIVE and you have all given me the courage and strength to believe in myself and the people around me i will never forget some of the comments that i have read it has changed my life. THANK YOU ALL OF YOU,FOR PUTTING A NEW OUTLOOK ON MY LIFE AND MAKING ME REALIZE THAT MY DEATH WOULD MAKE EVERYONE AROUND ME MORE HORRIFIED THAN WHAT I EVER COULD HAVE IMAGINED LIVING WITH HIV VIRUS I AM 21 YEARS OLD AND I HAVE JUST NOW BEEN WILLING TO DECIDE THAT I AM HIV POSITIVE ALL MY FAMILY KNOWS AND THEY ARE SO SUPPORTIVE OF ME I HAVE NEVER FELT SO AT PEACE MY FAMILY DOESNT JUDGE ME AND IT TURNS OUT ONE OF MY SISTERS FRIENDS IS A HIV COUNSELOR AND I NOW KNOW HER NUMBER. You know what feels good is to know that your family no matter how much you piss them off they will always still love you no matter how much they are mad at u and how much you have dissapointed them you all on this web site make me whole besides my mom and dad i have learned so much from each of yall that i know i want to live please my name is Chelsea and i really need somebody to write me back just so that i know how i feel i am not alone PLEASE! i have been so much stronger from this site and just want to let everyone know who is HIV positive that have been dealing with this disease for a long tome you are my heros and i just want to fit in and be respected not looked at as something or someone who just is a hoe i messed with the wrong man and i paid the price for it i want now to be a speaker for young african american women to let them know how much it affects your life and the people who love and care about me. I COULD HAVE NEVER DONR THIS WITHOUT YOU BRAVE MEN AMD WOMEN OUT THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH CHELSEA
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Comment by: CHELSEA (ALB,NM) Wed., Nov. 25, 2009 at 9:06 pm UTC
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Comment by: Chelsea (albuquerque,NM) Wed., Nov. 25, 2009 at 5:58 pm UTC
i have had a really hard time. i feel like nobody will except me and that i am all alone. i had almost given up until my mom showed me this web site. i have had a diff look and i want to live and be a good person. i just want to be happy and im really confused i need support and help and feel like i have nobody to go to.
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Comment by: anonymous (North Carolina) Wed., Nov. 25, 2009 at 10:51 am UTC
I just wanted to tell everyone who is newly diagnosed to stay hopeful. My husband found out 7 months ago that he is positive and we got his test results back today for his current viral load. He has been on medication for 3 months now and his viral load is now undetectable. Before the meds it was 60,000, we are so excited. I just wanted to share some good news, because when we found out he was positive every little bit of good news helped.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Tue., Nov. 24, 2009 at 9:10 am UTC
Hello everyone, I hope this day finds you all healthy and happy.
LAGEN: Your point is so on target.
DIMPLES(LONDON):You really need to be honest with anyone you plan to have intimate encounters with...the old saying,"What they don't know wont hurt them." is so very untrue when it comes to H.I.V. and AIDS. If you are being honest and the person runs away, then they are only under the assumption that all people will be honest, and they will eventually come across someone that doesn't care, and wont tell them,then they will understand.When someone truly loves a person, then they will stick around no matter what, and educate themselves enough to be with that person...if not then it would have never worked anyway and they didn't truly care.
STDSLOVE-I too believe that more education is needed, I think education is the key to eventually getting HIV, AIDS under control.It is almost like people think that if they don't talk about it then it will just go away. Wow do we need more education.
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Comment by: Hellen (jhb south africa) Tue., Nov. 24, 2009 at 6:12 am UTC
hi Pam i was diagnosed last year, the day befor x-mas and i was 3 months pregnant with my son. My family still don't know anything and i know i have to tell them i need the support. My son is neg and i thank God everyday. I'm a single mother had to go thru everything alone, but im getting there. There is no short cuts in life,everything happens for a reason. I pray to God every day, asking him to hold me and keep me until my son grows up and i know i will be here the day he goes to school. hang in there, it's not so bad.
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Comment by: Sat., Nov. 21, 2009 at 6:42 pm UTC
My ex-boyfriend disclosed to me he may be HIV positive. He is having all the symptoms of HIV. He went for his initial test and it was negative he was told that it may be too soon and he has to come back in 3 months. Him and I have not had sex in over a year and he stated that I am fine because he test came back negative and he just had an unprotected encounter 4 months ago. I still want to get tested just in case. I really respect him for telling me this information. He disclosed this information to me when stating he would like for his to get ack together. If his test does come back positive I will still be here for him. I just want to say many blessings to all of you out there dealing with this. You are my hero's
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Comment by: stdslove (CA) Tue., Nov. 17, 2009 at 8:22 pm UTC
We need HIV/AIDS education. It's very important!! CDC has granted CSU $1.9M for HIV/AIDS education.
The number of members on the largest HIV dating&support site == has reached 500,000 members
OMG! Why so many guys and girls on the site are very sexy? Why so many people are infected by HIV? There is no
doubt that we need SEX-ED
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Comment by: jo (london, united kingdom) Tue., Nov. 17, 2009 at 1:58 pm UTC
My partner was diagnosed in 1999 when she was pregnant for our daughter. She never told me until 2007. This destroyed me and I am afraid to go and take a test. I never had many relationships in the past.
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Comment by: lagin (CR) Mon., Nov. 16, 2009 at 1:17 pm UTC
To Dimples, Just go on being honest and no matter the reactions. Just see it this way that HIV is got to stop with you. Your honesty is not about crazy people but about making the world a better place and free of HIV. And make no mistake, anyone who runs away from an honest person is bound to meet the dishonest one. You cannot have it both ways. I do not wish those people HIV but they seem to be looking for one. As for me, I do not have HIV but I encourage HIV positive people to disclose and wear condoms before sex to prevent more harm from this crazy virus. Anyone who has HIV and has never infected anyone deliberately is my Hero and a very special Hero.
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Comment by: Dimples (London) Fri., Nov. 13, 2009 at 7:35 pm UTC
I was diagnosed a year ago. Is it worth telling people who want to get involved with you? I have had 2 rejections from those who claim to love me.
I am fearful of the news of this spreading. I now feel i should carry on as normal, but only insist on the use of condoms. Would i be justified? i feel awful, and want to leave a near normal life as possible, but people seem to crucify you when you are honest. I don't feel comfortable not being honest, but .......i hate the repercussions of my honesty.
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Comment by: dimples225 (louisiana) Wed., Nov. 11, 2009 at 6:30 am UTC
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Comment by: dee (u.k.) Mon., Nov. 9, 2009 at 10:18 am UTC
hi all, hope you are all doing good! was going thru the forum, something l do every so often. l am fine and feel blessed to be able to interact with others affected, whether directly or indirectly. take care all, xxx
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Comment by: mpho (polokwane ( south africa )) Wed., Nov. 4, 2009 at 5:14 am UTC
Hey people, I am proud of you all for being so strong and trying to cope with the fact that we are infected and affected by this Virus. I am negative, but my wife is positive and she does not like to talk about it, but i try to encourage her to be open about everything to me so I can be there for her every step of the way. We have a baby who is also negative and this proves that life really does go on. HIV is no longer a death sentence and to all recently found out that you are positive please don't be afraid to talk about as it helps. If you want to share at anytime please email me here:
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Comment by: akl (shreveport,la) Tue., Nov. 3, 2009 at 4:00 pm UTC
I just found out about a month ago the I am positive. The stress and burden of knowing this is way to much to handle sometimes. I really don't know how to do it. My boyfriend has been pretty good about all of this but we really don't talk much about it because he is neg. How do I deal
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Comment by: HIV Tester Online Tue., Nov. 3, 2009 at 12:10 am UTC
The definite diagnosis of HIV is a blood test. First an eliza test is run and then if it is positive it is confirmed with the western blot. Neither of those test produce the viral load, only a reactive or non-reactive result. The viral load comes from a viral load test and from what I understand it is the counting of the virus seen in a certain amount of blood...I believe they use an electron microscope for it but Im not sure about that.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Fri., Oct. 30, 2009 at 10:31 am UTC
The main strength you will find to stop self destructing is your own inner strength, You will have to first realize your own self worth. I know the feeling of wondering if you will end up alone, but I have come to find that everyone who matters and truly cares will always be there,no matter what. I have come to realize that taking care off myself and not locking myself up inside my own world with my thoughts and fears was the only way I could deal with the diagnosis. I think we all deal differently and we have to eventually find a middle ground to knowing who we are and what life means to us. HIV is no longer a disease we die from it is a disease we live with. And when you know that there are people who will listen and respond to your thoughts then you can begin to learn how to cope.
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Comment by: BubbaKIA (UT) Thu., Oct. 29, 2009 at 10:18 am UTC
Its been just over a year since I found out. I'm sure there are others who go through a time of self-destruct. but when does it stop. when do you realize its going to be alright and your not going to end up alone.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Tue., Oct. 27, 2009 at 9:51 am UTC
I havent had any problems with my meds,although as with the news about being HIV + they are a little hard to swollow,lol. I was feeling a little nausea at first, but that wasnt the meds. I had a stomach virus that was causing it. I hope everyone is doing well today.
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Comment by: mj (jhb,sa) Tue., Oct. 27, 2009 at 7:55 am UTC
i have tested hiv+ on 29/08/2009. ever since then i have been so stressed and terrified even though i get all the support from my mom,she is my pillar of strength. thank you mom for being there for me when i need you the most
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Comment by: siara (South Africa) Fri., Oct. 23, 2009 at 4:41 am UTC
The most painful day of my life is the day I found out that I am HIV+, after years and years of being faithful and loyal, at the HIV+ is what i got, I found out when I was pregnant with my first child. It was in December last year yet it still hurts so much. The scars in my heart are so deep I don't even feel the joys of motherhood. Regrets is all I have and the burden that I carried with me before disclosing to my mother last week is still there, I have diappointed my mother in the worst order and i can never forgive myself for me. It's not easy to be me.......
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Comment by: Nicole (MI) Thu., Oct. 22, 2009 at 8:28 pm UTC
Just wondering does anyone ever feel really really tired? Some days I am so tired I can hardly make it,and my stomach seems to be getting bigger to me. I am knew to my meds just 90 day almost.
My CD4 level has risen 200+ and my viral load is undetectable, Thank God.
I am just waiting for the day I will know longer have to take this medicine I am trusting God to heal me of all of this. My soon to be husband of 4 years is still negative. I am going to start exercising and eating healthy I am recently diagnosed 6 months and I am going to live.
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Comment by: Chicano in Tampa (Tampa, FL.) Tue., Oct. 13, 2009 at 8:14 pm UTC
N.Hixson (Cleveland, TN.) I know you are but to you and everyone else who are + just keep your head up and don't let no one put you down. They are people out here who care about you even if they don't know you personally.
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Comment by: Chicano in Tampa (Tampa, FL.) Tue., Oct. 13, 2009 at 8:08 pm UTC
Everyone stay strong....xavier (argentina)I read your note please stay strong and be safe and healthy. Marcus (Tampa, FL.) Metropolitian Charities on Florida Ave. does FREE HIV Testing...Call 813-234-3075 email: confusedinFL (Tampa) I will email you. Just for everyone on here and out there that are HIV+ just stay strong and be with your head up high on your shoulders.
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Comment by: Calvaria (Canada) Thu., Oct. 8, 2009 at 10:18 pm UTC
Hi all. I just wanted to say how much it touches my heart to read all the stories here. After nine years of not being tested and practicing safer sex, I tested HIV negative this past August. However, the mental hell on Earth I put myself through while waiting for all my test results to come back was far above and beyond excruciating. The reason that prompted me to go and get tested is that I was having a few HIV constitutional symptoms, and being that I'm a nursing degree student I knew the laundry list of possible explanations for my symptoms. It was a very scary list. In any case, those few months, looking inside myself for the courage to do the responsible thing and go and get tested before pursing other more expensive genetic tests was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. In light of that experience I now have so much compassion for those living with HIV/AIDS. You are all an inspiration. May you find the strength to make the peace with your situation that will only serve to help your health. God bless.
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Comment by: tana (United Kingdom) Thu., Oct. 8, 2009 at 1:05 pm UTC
Thanks everyone for sharing your thoughts. I have recently plucked the courage to get tested after years of being in denial. I tested positive and cd4 count is 186. I am seeing the specialist for the first time in the next few days and I am sure he will start me on treatment immediately. I am scared but I am mostly angry with myself for not having done this sooner while my cd4 levels were still reasonable. I am not sure how I feel now as I have not shared this information with anyone as yet apart from my boyfriend of 4 years-thankfully he has tested negative!!! Now my request is I wish people could leave email addresses here as I am desparate to talk to someone on a one to one basis to get moral support. I am getting a lot of insight and comfort from here but I need one to one time with someone who has been there already.
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Comment by: Ovayo (Cape Town,SA) Thu., Oct. 8, 2009 at 10:41 am UTC
Hey, just wanted to let you know how grateful I am to have found this site. I only started yesterday but my life has changed completely. It is always good to hear from people who understand what you going through. I do not have friends that I can talk to about my situation as I find it too difficult to trust. I have started with my meds 2 months ago. The first 2 weeks was a nightmare I thought I was losing my mind. I developed bloodlike round paches around my legs. I can only thank God it was not on my face. I am learning to accept my situation but trust me it is not easy. Once again thank you for your stories.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Thu., Oct. 8, 2009 at 8:26 am UTC
The meds are doing fine, and I hope these posts will help some people just starting to know what to expect.
To people who are newly diagnosed, I would just like to say... this virus does not define the person you are , look deep inside yourself and try to remember who you are. People are programmed to criticize things they fear or do not fully understand and if you believe in yourself and know who you truly are , you can conquer anything that comes your way. At first it may seem as if you have fallen into a deep hole that has no way out, but you will eventually come to realize you have a way out, you just have to look deep inside yourself and realize this is not the end, it is the beginning ..of a new way of life, a second chance to treat yourself right, and it will be o.k.
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Comment by: andrea (colombia) Tue., Oct. 6, 2009 at 6:59 pm UTC
Hola no hablo ni escribo el ingles pero he estado traduciendo estas historia y solo les digo algo , no se rindan por esta emfermedad ustedes valen muchisimo talvez ahora sus corazones esten llenos de rencor o rabia con la vida o con Dios mismo pero les digo algo Dios los ama muchos ustedes no estan solos, por un instante clamen a Dios el es el mejor amigo no es una teoria , no hay problema ni circustancia que el no pueda resolver ni mas grande que el, vuelvan a el derritan su corazon el es el unico que hara que sus vidas tomen sentido, que su corazon este lleno de paz sin importar las circustancia por favor animo abrazos y mil bendiciones , cuando esten triste vean algo lindo de la naturaleza no se centren en ver el prblema , respiren el aire, no se encierren , Dios siempre nos cuida y nos protege, besos y abrazos
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Comment by: Nicole (Detroit, MI) Tue., Oct. 6, 2009 at 1:20 pm UTC
Well I started my meds last month and I am now on my 2nd set of meds. I haven't had any real side effects. Heartburn and diarrhea but nothing real serious. I eat breakfast and take my meds every morning at work.
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Comment by: sithembile (jhb) Tue., Oct. 6, 2009 at 6:44 am UTC
I waz diagnosed on da 1 oct 2009. thank god my sista she's so supportive to me. i thought of commiting surcide but she really helped and thanx 2 u guys it shows that i can live longer thanx for the motivation.
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Comment by: collette (jamaica) Mon., Oct. 5, 2009 at 10:52 pm UTC
hi i'm positive 4 yrs now, i was scared at first next to suicide. I'm trying to cope now. here in jamaica there is a lot of stigma & discrimination.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Mon., Oct. 5, 2009 at 1:47 pm UTC
Nadan...your welcome, I hope your meds are not so bad. Cats can be pretty funny sometimes, be careful with the litter box, I have been told that cats put off a chemical that is unhealthy to HIV+ people.
Days----5,6,and7. Theses past few days have been fine. I have had a little upset stomach at times, but everything is o.k. I was so afraid before starting my meds that everything would be so horrible,and I have found that everything will be just fine, no terrible side effects and I am still able to get up and do the things I need to.
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Comment by: nadan (Delaware ( USA)) Sat., Oct. 3, 2009 at 11:56 am UTC
Thank you Lisa for your posts , I started my meds last nite , other than tiresome I was fine, but my cat kept waking me up all night
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Fri., Oct. 2, 2009 at 2:59 pm UTC
Day4- --Today I am feeling a little sick to my stomache, I have been drinking Ginger Ale to ease the nausea a little and it helps. Hopefuly this is a temp side effect because I hate this feeling. Other than that all is good.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Thu., Oct. 1, 2009 at 9:49 am UTC
Day 3--Today is day 3 on meds, still no side effects. No more rumbling belly. I have never liked pills so taking them is a little hard, but other then that all is well.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Wed., Sep. 30, 2009 at 8:39 am UTC
DAY 2--Last night was day 2 in taking my meds. I had very faint growling in my stomach, other than that there was no real side effects, I feel fine. Yesterday I was a little tired, but I think I made myself tired from worrying about the meds, so far today I feel good. Not even an upset stomache.
I think anytime you are prscribed meds...they have to give you all the side effects and the worst case scenario, which can cause a little anxiety, but when you take the meds and have very little side effects, you become relieved and at least you were prepared for the worst. I know that today is the first day of the rest of my life and I plan on making this life a woderful, funfilled, and most lived life as I possibly can.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Tue., Sep. 29, 2009 at 9:08 am UTC
I started my meds last night 09/28/09 at 8:28 p.m. My meds say to take with food so I at some crakers and drank a glass of milk and 2 glasses of water, and then I ate a slice of bread. I didnt have any side effects. I went to bed at 10:30, but I couldn't sleep,not sure if that was a side effect or just me being anxious. I finally got to sleep at around 1:30 a.m., I had a little gurgle in my stomache, slight heartburn. Through the night my eyes watered and my mouth was dry and I had a strange taste in my mouth,and was sweating but nothing bad at all. I woke up at 8:00 a.m. and still had a little gurgle in my stomache.. kinda like when your stomache growls from being hungry.That was all. I think I was afraid because I have only heard of bad side effects, and it was far... much ado about nothing. So far so good. I will continue to post on my reactions. I hope everyone is having a good day.
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Comment by: noks sibanda (jhb south africa) Fri., Sep. 25, 2009 at 12:52 pm UTC
it is diffulcult when u first find out but stay postive and souround urself with pple who love u
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Fri., Sep. 25, 2009 at 12:23 pm UTC
Lizie---I hope your bloodwork comes back o.k.
I hope everyone is in good health and spirits. I have been put on meds, although my viral load is only 7600, my cd4 count is down to 204..which is pretty low. I was givin Norvir,Reyataz, and Truvada, I will start taking these Sunday night and I will try to post about what side affects I am having and how it is feeling, I will try to do this everyday in order to give everyone an idea of what to expect if you are put on this combo. I am doing this because of how hard it has been for me to find info on how these meds are affecting people who take them..maybe this will help everyone from being as scared as I am to start,and it will give a general idea of what to expect,general idea..because it will affect everyone different, but at least it will be a reference of some sort for them. I have an e-mail adress if anyone wants to talk or needs o friend, I know we all do at some point. It is Again I hope you are all in good spirits, and remember you are not alone.
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Comment by: KD (CO) Wed., Sep. 23, 2009 at 9:09 am UTC
Hi all. I am not sure if i am HIV positive yet but i will find out here within the next 2 weeks. I am scared to DEATH to find out if i am. I have had a cough for about a month and i read that's one of the signs. I am 18 and been married for a year. When my hubby and i first got married, he went to basic training, we had found out i was pregnant 4 days before he left. While he was gone, he was sooo mean to me. I dealt with it by going to another man for the support that only a man could bring and i ended up sleeping with him when i was 5 and a half months pregnant. I regret it with all of my heart. Now i have a 7 month old son who is beautiful and i am terrified that if i did contract it, i also gave it to him. They did test me while i was pregnant but it can take up to six months to show. I recently told my husband that i am worried about having it. He said that if we do they will make him get out of the service. If i do have it, I'm not sure that i will be able to cope. I feel i have ruined my whole family. I'm so scared. How would we explain to people how he got out of his contract? I couldn't live with myself knowing what i have done. Sorry to ramble on. Please pray for me that the results are negative. I am so proud of all of you on here who are so brave and strong to deal with something like this, and if I'm positive, i hope i can be that strong too.
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Comment by: lizie (kokstad) Tue., Sep. 22, 2009 at 2:08 am UTC
im jst diagnosed with h.i.v positive im stil waiting the cd4 count resul i need a friend
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Comment by: k (albuquerque, nm) Tue., Sep. 22, 2009 at 12:45 am UTC
I tested years ago and was negative, and since did not as other things in my life were complicated...I just tested positive one month ago, and am dealing with it and finding out my stats were low as in 160 cd-4, and 140,000 viral load...I feel healthy, and went in just with swollen glands...I wish I had tested all along and might not have let my numbers go so low, but that is how it is, and I have very supportive friends, and co-workers so I am lucky, just started my meds, and am going on the best I dj lo, don't give up, and hang in there you are not alone, and there are so many drugs, and opportunities out there that were not there even a few years ago...
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Comment by: St Lucian (Trinidad & Tobago) Mon., Sep. 21, 2009 at 3:46 pm UTC
This site is really great and just reminded me a college student of how precious life is, and how taking chances is soo uncool
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Comment by: Student (Trinidad & Tobago) Mon., Sep. 21, 2009 at 3:42 pm UTC
Boy, I love this website!. I am a university student and during recent summer holidays, for the first time ever i cheated on my girlfriend. I suppose its always the macho thing to do it, and i always fantasized about doing it. I met this girl who i always had a crush on ( She has the finest pair of legs and the sweetest body). On a friday night we split the motel bill and shared a room overnight. I gave her great sex (multiple times) that night but I didnt enjoy it. Going home the next morning I felt really ashamed at myself, just knowing that I placed all my future dreams, of being, rich and successful, with a family over this one pair of fine legs. If i contracted HIV, how would i tell my parents, my friends, I really cannot afford HIV drugs, far less my tuition.
I realized that all the hype about sleeping around during your college days is REALLY overrated.

Within a months time, I got tested and both tests were negative. The rapid results and Unigold tests both came back negative, and awaiting those results were the longest 15 mins of my life.

Now whenever I see a fine looking pair of ass, I always leverage my future dreams to see which one is more satisfying!
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Comment by: alex hunter (northeast england) Fri., Sep. 18, 2009 at 6:48 pm UTC
Hi all i was diagnosed in january this year,The whole thing was a huge shock for me as my symptoms pointed to lymphomas (cancer)anyway after numerous tests i was found to be hiv positive, I'm fine now, though i regularly attend the hiv clinic and i'm getting on with life. I have a great partner and things are going great. what i would like to say is don't panic, it's a virus that can be treated very good and life expectancy these days is great. Just take it 1 step at a time. If anybody would like to chat, please add me to msn or email me at
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Fri., Sep. 18, 2009 at 2:28 pm UTC
Nadan:-- I really do not think there is a way to know how long you have been infected. You do not have to tell your ex personally, just let your doctors know the names of your sex partners and they will contact them without giving your name and let them know to get tested. There is also no way of knowing where you may have gotten infected. Just remember to keep a good outlook on life.
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Comment by: nadan (Delaware( usa)) Thu., Sep. 17, 2009 at 10:52 am UTC
I am writing this to get some insights from you people. I was diagnosed on august 22nd 09.after having a body rash which i had it since march 09 and had got wrost in june. dematologist orderd some tests and asked to get HIV too at that time. It was August 22nd when I found out i was positive , my t-cell is 297 and viral loan if 99,000.00. My question is WHEN exactly i was infected. please post your comments I am so worried if i have to tell my ex-boyfriend who i broke up in July 08.
thank you all and thanks for your answers in advance
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Comment by: Dave (Jacksonville, FL) Tue., Sep. 15, 2009 at 9:23 pm UTC
I found out 5 days ago that I'm poz and my world seems to be crashing. my love is still neg and has chosen to stay. I can't stop crying at the drop of the hat. I'm trying to stand up but keep getting knocked back down. Concentration is gone and I feel out of control and so lost.
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Comment by: Sam (London (UK)) Tue., Sep. 15, 2009 at 11:07 am UTC
Hi, I am still unsure to my symptoms, but after having a contact with a prostitute two months ago, I started having weird symptoms. These were weird feeling in lymph nodes, muscles and weakness. Strange, but weakness came on suddenly and heavily allready on the second or third day. I've also been vomiting just 5 hours after the contact! Maybe the virus started so early since I was tired anyway as I haven't slept the night before the intercoarse. Didn't have a sore throat, but had a runny nose one month after. Tried some tests: standard STI - negative(based on swab and urine), standard blood infection(nonHIV) - negative, just two days ago did test for HIV, now waiting for results...
Do these symptoms sound similar to you?
thanks you
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Comment by: miss beauty (austria) Mon., Sep. 14, 2009 at 3:48 pm UTC
july 24th was d worst day of my life... couldnt believe i was fresh infected, i was angry with my boyfrd cos i never cheated on him even though i had d chanced to but he did.. several times and now look at what i ve put in self into. im so weak but he sometimes encourage me. im a beauty of all my frds and family and im my mums only hope, thats was why i was always care. im just 20 and now i think my life has end. i was miss beauty people love but now im just nothing, i mean nothing, i hate my life now but i know 1 day i will get over it all but when? the only guy i ve ever loved did this to me, why me lord i keep asking but i do know there is a reason for everything. ve read alot about this virus and i believe with Gods power we all shall be negative again. i feel like giving up sometimes when he dont call me a day and i hate that i love him still after all he has done to me. if u see me and my boy friend now u wont believe we re hiv positive, cos we re both looking very good. so pls poeple advice friends and family around u to always get tested and their partner too. sorry my english is not that good. im half nigerian and austrian...

i love u all
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Comment by: AC (Kenya) Sun., Sep. 13, 2009 at 8:25 am UTC
I thank God for having found this site, I am a lady aged 27 years, diagonised with HIV/AIDS in sept 2008. I am trying to cope with the situation, still strong and working but i have never revealed this to anyone. My CD4 was found to be 470 and so i was not started on ARVS the doctor advised i take septrin and supplements. My main worry is that i feel so lonely, i need someone to marry me and have kids but i dont know how to go about it because i dont want to infect anyone or spread news about my status(i am avoiding stigma and discrimination). another question is, is it possible to travel to other countries when one is positive? my email address is
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Comment by: Serious man (Hong Kong) Thu., Sep. 10, 2009 at 2:16 am UTC
I suspect I may have HIV.... Panic, a little bit stressful, regret and do not feel well is what I felt now.

I feel better after reading all these testimonies because I knew I am not alone.

I draw my power by praying to God everyday. I also repented the things that I have done wrong and ask for his forgiveness and mercy.

I knew that God will forgive my Sin, and therefore I can stand up and have a new start everyday.

One day if I see God face to face, I will say although I have this tragedy decease, but I do not give up and I have done a good testimony to you.

Live well, and do your best everyday.

I love the phase that "you are living with HIV. You're not dying of HIV or AIDS. "
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Wed., Sep. 9, 2009 at 10:13 am UTC
To all of you who are thinking of ending your lives...Now is the time to start Living. To be HIV pos is not a death sentence, your life does not have to change drastically. Imagine being told instead that you have cancer and you only have a few months to live? With a diagnosis of HIV.. you have still a whole life ahead of you, the only difference is you have to take care of yourself, and maybe take can't have unprotected sex, but other than that you still have your life. You cannot let this virus defeat you. You are worth your weight in gold and silver, every breath you take is meaningful. Don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. I believe that the overreaction to this disease in the 80's has caused everyone to believe that there is no future for HIV positive people. Well that is farthest from the truth. There is hope and things have came along way, including the meds. You can live a long life and be as normal as anyone else in the world. Just keep on going and never look back, do not let this get you down. Please... Just come on here every now and then to read and give input, and you will find a great support group. Please never give up!!!!
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Wed., Sep. 9, 2009 at 8:33 am UTC
Hello everyone, I have read all of your stories and I hope everyone stays healthy, I am glad this site is here to give everyone a place to go to hear everyone's stories and tell their own. I haven't been here for a while because I lost my internet. I just want everyone to know that it does get easier..although there are times it will still hit you hard, just keep a positive attitude and it will all be o.k. I hope you all have a good day.
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Comment by: Nelly (Namibia) Tue., Sep. 8, 2009 at 3:51 am UTC
I learnt of my HIV status 10 years ago just after giving birth to my handsome baby boy. I m 26 years of age now, and you can imagine i was a toddler by then. It was shocking and scary when i was told i have a killer disease and had few years to live but today i m still alive and healthy. I developed a peaceful relationship with the virus inside me.
I hardly complain about life, i however pray to GOD to send me an ANGEL. I need a caring and loving man beside me. Someone who understand what its like to be positve.
And should you be that someone, email
Being HIV+ is the begining of a new life.
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Comment by: DJ Lo (Lesotho) Sat., Sep. 5, 2009 at 5:58 am UTC
I was diagnosed 5-2008, my CD4 was then 602. I got a terrible headache in Sep. 2008 and was diagnosed with menegitis. I survived it but my CD4 went down to 54. I was immediately put on ARVs, i had some few side effects, but after sometime they dissappeared. Now it has improved about 164.

I'm married with 2 kids, at first my husband was not very pleased with my status even though he does not know his. The last time he tested was in 2003, and he was neg. he keeps on postponing about getting tested again. He did not even want to have sex with me in the begining, but now he is better. I do in-house exercises due to lack of infrastructure in my country, i have also stopped drinking.

I do not have any support group. I would like to share my feelings with someone who will be able to understand my situation and some advice on issues relating to my illness. Please come to my rescue.
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Comment by: mpho (polokwane ( south africa )) Fri., Sep. 4, 2009 at 8:55 am UTC, Those who want to talk about anything, please contact me on the email address above. I am negative, but have a girlfriend who is positive and PAM you can also contact me and i tell you there is still hope after being diagnosed. I am happy that no one has committed suicide because life is important and no one knows the future. Let's try to speak out to avoid thinking that we are alone in this world. Know that there are people like us who are living their lives like nobody's business. MY
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Comment by: pam (pretoria(sa)) Wed., Sep. 2, 2009 at 6:01 am UTC
diagnosed on the 14-08-09 as HIV positive. My partner in negative. I feel like death working. Is there anyone in pta who is positive that I can speak to? Misery likes company.
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Comment by: nadan (Delaware, USA) Tue., Sep. 1, 2009 at 8:24 pm UTC
I was diagnosed on 21st and my doctor told me over the phone and I begged him if I could come over and see him in person, apparently he was too busy calling other patients. I left work and came home and OD with sleeping pills, My roommate found me sleeping after two days and warned me to go to ER or he will call the police on me, I told him I don?t want to live anymore and I would rather die than live this life with hiv status. My roommate gave me immense hope and came out that he was hiv positive for last 4 years and it's not the end of the world. Later from ER I was taken to psychiatric unit and spent 5 days getting treatment, I have doctor appointment on 09/04/09 and I am scared to death?? I am still not over with the shock and perhaps I would never be over. I am thinking a lot these days and crying time to time.. I don't want to hurt my family. I know when my brother died we were desperate and I know my family loves me whole a lot more because I take care of them. Any emotional help out there? writing here on the wall will give me some comfort and the first step towards acceptance.
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Comment by: stanley (Nairobi) Tue., Sep. 1, 2009 at 10:23 am UTC
Am writing to inform you guys that I have been coping so well with my HIV+ status. I have been on ARVs now for two month, and so far so good; NO side effect at all, no loss of appetite, nothing, in fact sometimes I forget that am on medication.

For all those newly diagnosed as HIV+, there are a few things you need to know. Do not spend much time wondering why people aren’t accepting you. Remember as much as stigmatizing HIV+ people is discouraged; remember there is little we can do about those who choose to do it. Do not disclose your status to anyone who cannot be of any help.
• Accept the status
• Love yourself, and give yourself a second chance
• Take doctors advice seriously – No alcohol, smoking, good diet, exercise etc
• Avoid stress all the time – this helps to the first line of medication
• Don’t focus or even try to think and hate the way/person who infected you
• Take your medicine religiously. No missing or even delay. If you select 8am and 8pm please take the medicine on the dot, never more than 10minutes earlier or later
• Avoid developing “Resistance strains”- it is key to long life
• Please, please, protect others hence protecting yourself from re-infection too – only safe sex or No sex at all
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Comment by: Stans (Kenya) Tue., Sep. 1, 2009 at 9:55 am UTC
I was diagnosed HIV+ with a CD4 count of 74. I was so scared cos the doctor told me that they always start a patient on ARVs at the count of 400. I am on ARVS for two months. Will my CD4 count ever rise??

surprisingly I have never had any serious ailment to idicate this very low CD4 count. Am now very scared and wondering if my CD4 count will ever rise! please encourage me.
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Comment by: Madida (Johannesburg South Africa) Tue., Sep. 1, 2009 at 4:11 am UTC
hi, all thanks for a good site..eish i was diagnosed on 8th 08 2009..the stress is still too much for me, I sometimes think of taking my life, any advice will help at this time..please mail thanks all.
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Comment by: MS (Johannesburg) Mon., Aug. 31, 2009 at 6:28 am UTC
hi, guys..eish, was diagnosed on the 8th 08 2009, the stress is too much I even think of taking my life at times...but it seems I get better every day, anyone who knows a very good doctor in Johannesburg South Africa please provide me with the contact details. Thanks to everyone who comments on this site!
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Comment by: faith (washington) Fri., Aug. 28, 2009 at 1:43 am UTC
There is hope in Jesus, people are been healed of HIV. visit a lady was healed. i believe that God is God of possibilities.
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Comment by: ConfusedinFL (Tampa) Thu., Aug. 27, 2009 at 5:37 pm UTC
I was just diagnosed on August 12th and have been fortunate enough to have already been started on a medication schedule. I'm struggling-- not with the one pill a day, not because I feel ill or I'm afraid of dying -- I'm more afraid of the living. I am ashamed, confused, sad, and depressed (all thoughts that brought me to my current state). I am new to my area, new to my job and recently separated. I feel desperately alone and isolated. I thought my family would always be there and when my wife walked away, I fell apart. I didn't create the necessary coping skills (after 39 years of life) to deal with the lonliness I experienced. I have finally self-destructed with my recent diagnosis. I'm reaching out and would love to correspond with others searching for a higher meaning to this
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Comment by: kk (Malaysia) Thu., Aug. 27, 2009 at 3:00 am UTC
Those horrifying deadly thoughts were at randomly bouncing in and out of my mind, as I still remember those early days when I just found out about my positive status. Mood swings were just intolerable, and I didn't feel like talking to anyone. At good times, I had extreme ecstasy level at enjoying myself over small things but, however, when the unpleasant reminder of a short life crept in, I was trapped in it again. In time, I could see the consistency and rythmic pattern of the emotional swing. I told myself, either I take control of it or allow it control me. And what's more, I am not going to die without a reason. So, I surrounded myself with lots of motivational books and health magazines. To tell you frankly, fears were subsided and I learnt to tame my thoughts.

At 27, I learnt about my positive status and after a few months of struggle in accepting the truth, I take heed to do better or remain sulker.

I then turned to my dreams and goals for attention and now, 28, a journalist, I have achieved half of my goals and healthier than before. I told myself, I believe in myself more than anything else in the world.

As soon as I learnt about this website, it once again strengthened belief and encouraged others to take control of their life. It is a strong and powerful message. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you guys for this enormous, heartful drive and spread this positive message to those who are less enlightened.

Thank you
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Comment by: (Sydney) Wed., Aug. 26, 2009 at 7:13 am UTC
I just want to share the story of my last year. I got diagnosed HIV+ in August 2008. It was the hardest time in my life. I think I never cried so much and felt so bad. I had an amazing person in my life who helped me to build more confidence in myself, and in the future. If someone had told me a year ago that I was going to feel this way now and see things so different in a year time, I would have though it was a lie.
To all the new diagnosed people out there who get to read this. Believe it, things will get better and this is not the end of your life, it certainly is the beginning.
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Comment by: mpho (south africa - polokwane) Wed., Aug. 26, 2009 at 6:28 am UTC
I am happy to see that people are opening up to this site and i urge you guys to visit this site often. Advice to Oyebog and Vang is just hang in there as hiv nowadays in no longer a death sentence and i know you will all be fine with time. Vang keep on taking this pills for your health and your baby's health. Oyebog please just take a deep breath and accept that you have the virus in your blood and start living a healthy life style. Vang i advice you to stop blaming yourself as that how life is and sometimes we make mistakes and what we can do is to accept and move on. I am negative, but i know relatives and friends that are living healthy with the virus. My email.
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Comment by: Vang (south africa) Tue., Aug. 25, 2009 at 4:54 pm UTC
i am so glad to have found this side, i found out that i was hiv positive in july this year. I tried to accept the news but the problem is that i am pregnant and had fears that i might infect my unborn child. I now feel better because i am on arv"s. My CD4 count was 268 and went down to 236 in just two weeks. i was very scared. I used to think i know a lot about HIV until i found out that i am positive. My concern is what will happen to me after i have given birth because i have to stop taking arv"s.I have not told anyone about my status except the father of my child and i would like to keep it that way until i completley come to terms with my condition. A part of me has accepted but another part is very angry because i am not sure where did i get the virus from but i suspect an ex of mine whom i was told a couple of weeks after we went out that he is positive. i asked him and he denied it and then i went to the clinic to get tested and the results were negetive but i made a mistake for not going back for a retest after three months. i also blame him for not protecting me and i think he did it on purpose because whenever we were having sex the condom would burst, and that happened more than five times and i could not understand why. i left him because he wanted a baby and wanted to stop using condoms completely and i was not ready for a child. i wish i could turn back the hands of time. I have fears that i might not be able to see my child go to varcity....the site is very helping because i manage to say some of the things that were worrying me
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Comment by: oyebog (cameroon) Tue., Aug. 25, 2009 at 12:06 pm UTC
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Comment by: Zinhle (South Africa mpumalanga) Mon., Aug. 24, 2009 at 9:38 am UTC
Hi I was diagnosed 2004 which makes it six years now. I was devastated at first, but I got used to it. It was not easy though, but I am hanging in there. The only problem I have is dating. I am not yet ready to explain my self to men cause I have heard some women complaining about being rejected. What advice can you give me?
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Comment by: Stanley (Nairobi kenya) Thu., Aug. 20, 2009 at 3:38 am UTC
I have just been diagnosed HIV+. The whole world fell on me, and i felt the weight. Surprisingly, it took two days to get composed, and visit a comprehensive care and support center. many people would take even months, if not years to accept. This quick positive attitude has helped me to deal with the situation. I am already on ARV's, and so far so good. Living positively is crucial to one's future. Don't be angry, protect others as you protect yourself.
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Comment by: dee (united kingdom) Wed., Aug. 19, 2009 at 11:36 am UTC
I discovered that I was HIV+ nearly eight years ago. It was a traumatic time for me, but I had support from various members of my family. Not long after, my partner was diagnosed as well. We had been together before the illness and supported one another. God is wonderful as we have a healthy toddler now. So, to all of us on this forum -- let's reach for the sky as it's the only limit!!!!!! Long life and good health to you all!!!!
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Comment by: xavier (argentina) Sun., Aug. 16, 2009 at 4:44 am UTC
Please don't discriminate against people with HIV, we are human beings too.
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Comment by: Tony smiles (washington, dc) Sat., Aug. 15, 2009 at 6:30 pm UTC
Ok so I live in DC which has the highest HIV rate in the nation. I had sex with an ex and came down with a GBS like neurological disorder within three days. I've cried for three months dealing with the affects of the possibility of having HIV and the pains I am having trying to get well. I'M POSITIVE, I told him and he didn't seem stress at all and told me no matter what I will be fine, he will be fine. I'm not dead I can still walk on the beach, find someone who loves me, go to a movie and laugh, make new friends, watch a sunrise, go to church, eat a holiday meal etc. H said his mom worried about everything under the sun cancer, etc and died in a car accident. My point is this -- after talking with him I do feel better. Of course i don't want to be sick, but this is not the end of your life -- just look at taking your meds like vitamins, stay stress free, eat plenty of veggies, start yoga (if you can't afford that look up breathing techniques to do everyday for meditation. Look, two months ago I could not even walk in a straight line, my hand had tremors, hot flashes etc. but now I'm typing to you. Our bodies are strong, just give it the tools to fight. I've started LDN treatment just to get the ball moving. God bless, stay positive, don't tell to many people too soon. This is about YOU right now -- you have to come a healthy term. YOU ARE AND WILL BE FINE. BTW he tested positive and he booked a flight for us to go Florida and chill for a week. We researched our options that week, cried, expressed concerns over the potential side effects and health risk we are facing and vowed to leave the worries, the research of illness the pity in florida and I never looked back---Leave the baggage at your door each day, always know if you're sick you can and will get better. You must believe this, STOP crying. i love you even if you haven't heard it in awhile, I truly do. You will and have to believe in your recovery. Love ya!
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Comment by: nono (south africa ) Sat., Aug. 15, 2009 at 9:24 am UTC
i was diagnosed with hepatitis b last year. i need to know the difference between hiv and hep b? and how dangerous it is?
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Comment by: Mystery girl (Malaysia) Thu., Aug. 13, 2009 at 3:52 am UTC
Let me share with you my life stories...

I am 29 year old single mom with 13 year old daughter. Life has been very hard for me since I was very young. I got raped by my own uncle when I was 16, got pregnant and before I got raped I got bright future ahead of me.

I left the house to be independent, I work 3 jobs to support my self and my new born baby. I also did finish until Degree with my own money. I was in UK for few years and got raped the second time by 4 men.

Back to Malaysia I have to start life once again, got great job, meet great men, and be able to support Trisha. Bought second car this year and got promoted by my company.

Unfortunately I got bad news after coming back from holiday, I was tested positive HIV and at that time I feel the world is shut for me permanenetly. I start thinking no one will ever be with me because of my condition, I can't have babies with the men I loved ever...

I even think that God very cruel to me for giving all this after so much struggling I have been through. I was down for few month and then I realize that God will never give something u can handle and if God give you a lemonade, I would love to amke a lemon cake out of it..

I start writing my blog and took I am more positive than before.

Take it easy life is too short to dwell over what happen....
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Comment by: mpho (south africa - polokwane) Mon., Aug. 10, 2009 at 9:37 am UTC
MMAA - I was in a similar situation that you are facing. My girlfriend tested positive while pregnant and i tested negative and was shocked becauses i concluded that i was also positive. I was also told to do a retest after 3 months and waited for another 5 months before i could do another test and found i was negative and my son was born and the first test came back negative and he is healthy and we will do the final test i think after a year or so. My advice is just for you to be sure go and do a retest together with your partner so you can move on with your lives knowing your status. There is medication that prevents mother's to child transmission and with the help of the prayers a i believe all will be alright. take care
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Comment by: Tracy (Greenville, MS) Sat., Aug. 8, 2009 at 8:00 pm UTC
This is a wonderful site and just by reading you all stories I know everything will be alright. Frist of all, I'm joining this group to receive information on how to cope with my friend guy's news of being postive. I was tsted a week after him and I was negative. I'm married but my friend and I has been seeing one another for almost 2 years. I still plan on being with him and truthfully i'm the only one who knows about his health. I need information about having safe sex and the do's and do nots. Thanks Tracy
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Comment by: Leia C (Oakland, CA) Sat., Aug. 8, 2009 at 12:26 am UTC
I am deathly afraid of getting tested. I was in a relationship with a man who turned out to be a dog. He gave a STD to a girl that I know, but hers came out HIV negative and she waited about 2 months before she took the test. It's been over a year since I've been with this guy, yet it seems that symptoms are showing up in my body. I have small granulas in my mouth on my gums. They're not open sores but they're small little nodules in my gums. I went to the thrush...nothing of the sort...He just said I needed my teeth cleaned (which I do). I am soo afraid of getting tested. I've had back aches and headaches but the dentist says this is from my wisdom teeth. But I feel ill and sooo fatigued. Maybe it's my anxiety. I can't rest my nerves. I'm always jittery and nervous throughout the day. The thought of it has consumed my ENTIRE LIFE!! If I tested positive, I just feel that my life would stop. I want to live to see 70 at least. That would never happen. I'd like to 60 max...the thought makes me completely overwhelmed. Please help me!
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Comment by: Mmaa (USA) Fri., Aug. 7, 2009 at 4:12 pm UTC
Thanks all for sharing your moving stories regarding HIV/AIDS which is no longer a death sentence. I have had a very difficult summer since my girlfriend conceived early this year. We went for prenatals in April and she was called and informed that her HIV came back positive. I went to a health clinic the following week and I was negative although I was told to go for a re-test after three months. Four months since the call that my girl recieved she insistss she is not sick but she will have the test done soon. Now the initial hospital has transferred the paperwork to another hospital and I got called and a new appointment was made. I have heard of false-positives and other stuff but am now so so worried of our unborn daughter might be affected. I appreciate your listening.
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Comment by: john (uk) Wed., Aug. 5, 2009 at 6:39 pm UTC
Hi Fernando Brazil,

Thank you for your kindness.. wish you all the best and will try like you to make an effoert with cigs and alcohol!!!
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Comment by: mysister (LA) Mon., Aug. 3, 2009 at 10:39 pm UTC
My little sister was diagnosed about a year ago, I thought she would have, by now, slowed down. She has not I feel that she gotten worser. My family really don't talk about it and she acts like it never happened. She fronts like it don't bother her but when she don't get her way about thing, she gets all crazy saying she wants to die because she's going to die anyway. She's only 21 and my niece is 4. I fear that she's not going to change soon enough, and it will be too late. I don't want my niece to have only bad memories of her mother, all she do is fight and keep up mess and go clubbin every weekend. I thought her having my niece would slow her down, and now she's been diagnosed I thought that would surely do it but I was wrong.
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Comment by: mpho (south africa - polokwane) Fri., Jul. 31, 2009 at 9:28 am UTC
THULI; I am sorry to hear that, but it is normal for you to be depressed, especially just after finding such bad news, but i promise that if you can give it time you will learn to accept your status and move on like everybody else, and grow old to see your children going to university. I am negative, but i guess i was lucky because the mother of my first child is positive and i tested twice already. please hang in there and know that i am with you in my prayers and want to say to you that you are a brave women and the step you took to talk about you status was the best decision you made. Be strong.
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Comment by: Thuli (South Africa ) Wed., Jul. 29, 2009 at 1:21 pm UTC
I have just tested HIV Positive - I'm confused and angry at my husband because I think he is the one who infected me - we have 2 small kids I luv my kids and I ask God why? I'm trying to be positive at all times. I'm losing weight because of shock and not on ARV'S yet.
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Comment by: Baby Thu., Jul. 23, 2009 at 6:02 pm UTC
i love ma husband but he is infected and i found out when i was pregnant and the sad part is he still thinks he's negative nd sleepin around i really need help as im still comin 2 terms wth this disease i don knw where 2 start ma email is
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Comment by: Pandambili Kobogoji (Atlanta) Wed., Jul. 22, 2009 at 9:32 am UTC
I am very frustrated with the fact that, many departments of health in the USA will have information about the newly hiv diagnosed people and do not try to track them down so that they can also know their status. We know for sure that early diagnosis for hiv leads to better prognosis and good results in treatment. In addition, it has been proven through vaious research reports that people who know that they infected with hiv use extra protection to protect their partner. I wonder why the departments of health in many cities in America, especially those cities that have high prevalent rates of not do enough to track down newly diagnosed people who do not return to receive their hiv results. I understand the complexity and money involved in doing that, but the fact of the matter is that we will save more lives and money in the long run. It should be mandatory for each department of health to make sure that all newly infected hiv individual....are tracked and contacted to let them know of their statuses. If they can do that for syphilis and TB, i think the time has come for them to do the same hiv infected individuals. I will appreciate any comments people may have on this issue?
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Comment by: Steve (Pittsburgh, Pa.) Tue., Jul. 21, 2009 at 3:05 am UTC
I am a 50 year old male. My first 39 years I was on top of the world. Beautiful family, just a care free good life. At 40 I lost my good job. I couldn't find a job near what I was making. Thank God for my beautiful parents. Trying to make up the cash flow difference I invested in property. We all know what happened to the housing market. I lost my lives savings, credit and mentally beat. I am thinking how can someone with a great up-bringing, wonderful life just spiral downward so fast. I kept thinking its been nothing but 8 years of bad luck when is it going to change. This stuff just doesn't happen to me. Then at 49 I land a good job, great girlfriend and think things might be heading in the right direction. I wake up a couple of weeks ago feeling sick. I had all the symptoms of HIV. It must have been dormant in my system for awhile because it was a long time ago since I slept with another partner. I was tested and waiting for the results but the symptoms are an exact match. I am numb. I have been walking all through my old neighborhoods remember the good days. I can't imagine telling my parents because I don't think they are going to be able to take it. I love them so much and they rely on me. Then there is my girlfriend. She didn't deserve this. Most likely she will be positive also. While walking through my old neighborhood I kept thinking that if I could just go back to those days again. I just can't believe this is happening. I keep thinking of whats ahead of me and I just cringe. I just worry that my parents, us being such a close family, will not be able to handle this health wise. I am trying to figure out how to financially take care of them if something happens to me. I love them so much. I just can't believe how life was so great for so long and then I hit the bottom, hard. Sorry for the book but this is like therapy and I need something right now. God Bless everyone out there and I am part of your family now.
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Comment by: Pandambili K. (Atlanta) Mon., Jul. 20, 2009 at 12:25 pm UTC
I first wrote my concerns about being infected with the hiv virus in this page on july, 6th 2009. I was very scared after receiving a phone call from a prior girlfriend(2005-6) that I had mostly protected sex with, and about 3-5 condoms breaks. She called me last month to let me know that she test positive for hiv-1. I went to test to the department of health clinic and received my reults today saying that I am negative. I thank everyone in this website for their encouragement and support. For those who have the virus, don't be ashamed and live a health and productive lives. It could easily be anyone of us who are still negative. I understand that, it is a disease that comes with a lot of stigma from shallow minded people. Keep living, stay negative if you're and if you're not.....good bless you and be strong.
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Comment by: Daniel (Thailand) Mon., Jul. 20, 2009 at 10:41 am UTC
I am currently regretting a trip to a sex establishment, although i only received fellatio and i was wearing a condom i am still suffering with the thought of testing positive. I will have to wait for the 3 months which is going to be hell as i am not feeling mentally stable. I have used this site to try and easy my worries and learn about HIV, this site is truly a credit and has increased my awareness of HIV. I am overwhelmed with emotion reading some of your stories, i have never know such strong people, you are living life to the full without any problems, your truly amazing people.

I wish all of you the best in life, have a wonderful life full of happiness and joy, do well to educate the rest of us and help us understand and not be blind and falsely guided.
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Comment by: nadine (LONDON) Thu., Jul. 16, 2009 at 4:06 pm UTC
PLEASE don't give up the Lord will cure you one day...tell your girlfriend so that she can get the help she need before it's too late,remember no-one buy sickness on them self and it does sell in a shop so it nothing to be afraid.
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Comment by: Dale (Nebraska) Thu., Jul. 16, 2009 at 9:24 am UTC
I just found out yesterday that I am Positive. I am typing this message in auto pilot as I can't seem to get a grip on my emotions. I only got the test as a result to an option while being treated for a work injury. The Doc asked me if I wanted to test for HIV and HepC since I did have an encounter with a local resident while working in Africa. I went to Africa to try and lend my hand in medical treatments and after a local amputated his thumb, I realized after I provided assistance that my medical glove was punctured by some debris I was removing to get to the patient. I was tested at the time (almost 2 years ago) and I never checked back with the clinic as I assumed they would contact me if the test were positive (ignorant, I know). I realize that this encounter may just be coincidental and the virus may have come from any of my past partners. I have always been a faithful guy to my significant others and I truly believe the girl I have now is "the one". How can I possibly tell her? I feel that I am thinking clearly enough- considering. That being said, thoughts of ending my life are present. Not because of a pitty party for me. Because I can't stand the thought of letting anyone down or god forbid, infecting a loved one! Can anyone offer words of wisdom, advice, comfort? Thank you all!
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Comment by: Terrance (Pittsburgh, PA) Tue., Jul. 14, 2009 at 9:56 am UTC
I recently tested positive with HIV. I never realized how three letters can change my life. I was numb when I was told and scared. The guy told me, who was very cold and gave me some information and said "good luck". I didn't know where to begin. I just went home and cried, not knowing what the future had in store for me. I had seen others who were HIV+, die a horriable death and I coulnd't believe that this was happening to me. The next day I read some of the information and contacted a couple of clinics, afraid to use my health insurance, for fear that my job would find out. Finally I found a clinic, which wasn't the best but it was a start. I got tested to chart my T-cell count and viral load. Results weren't good,,, T-cell was 52 and viral load was 150t. Doc put me on meds right away. I was started on Atripla, very expensive medication, which I couldn't afford, out of pocket. I finally choose to use my health insurance, hoping that my employer wouldn't find out. Three months later I have found a doctor who is concerned with my treatment. A really great guy, Peter Veldkamp. The staff and all the resources are outstanding. It's known as the PACT clinic. I'm in this for the long haul and a speedy recovery.
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Comment by: stephanie (fl) Sat., Jul. 11, 2009 at 11:49 pm UTC
hi everyone i tested pos in may 08 at age 29. i was totally shocked. i was not a person who slept around. I had 4 partners my whole life so i knew where i got it from since i was tested every year do to my job in the health field. i wake up every day and think god for another day i swallow my atripla every night at 11 cause i plan to c my 60th birthday. Learning to deal with this was hard at first but i got the best support group -- my family and one of the world's best friends who texts me every night, not missing one night. know that god loves u and go one with life as a normal person who loves your self u will make it. i love me i'm letting no virus take me out im undetected so stay strong love god and live life!
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Comment by: jr (jamaica) Sat., Jul. 11, 2009 at 9:45 am UTC
found out a month ago that i have hiv. my husband is overseas, i don't know how to tell him. in fear of losing my husband. i am so stressed don't know what first step to take. i need help. i feel like i am going crazy.
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Comment by: Jack (Florida) Fri., Jul. 10, 2009 at 7:19 pm UTC
I'm not sure if I'M positive or not. My tongue is fissured and I'M sick It's been less than 2 months since I had oral sex with someone I didn't really know. My life is upside down. But I did find something that helps talk to THE JEHOVAH WITNESSES. Their teaching will inspire you. please listen to me it will be the best thing you ever did.
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Comment by: mpho (south africa - polokwane) Fri., Jul. 10, 2009 at 10:02 am UTC
Hey PK, I was in the same situation as you, and to tell the truth, it was scary and it was when i found out that my girlfriend was hiv positive and we have not been using condoms for more than two months, and she was pregnant and i was so scared and immediately i went to the doctor the following day, and i found i was negative, but i had to wait for another 3 months to test again, that is when i discovered this site, and the people here are so wonderful, i tested last month and was negative and i waited for six months before i took another test. i just want to tell you that whatever the outcome life still go on, and you can do that only if you have faith in the almighty. come to this site on weekly basis for advice and you will be ok. my advice is wait for the results and come and tell us how you feel. bye for now.
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Comment by: P K (Atlanta,GA) Wed., Jul. 8, 2009 at 12:59 pm UTC
I received a phone call from a previous sex partner last month. She told me that, she tested positive for HIV in March, 2009. We had an on and off relationship with condom and maybe 3-4 times, condoms broke or malfunctioned. This was in 2005-6. I went to test for HIV last october, 2008 with the Baltimore Mobile Van clinic. I forgot to call them for results until after I heard from this previous partner. My questions are: If I tested positive in my last years test, would the Baltimore City Deaprtment of Health call me to let me know of my status?
I just went on Monday to test for HIV and I am waiting for my results, which should be in in 2 weeks. Iam scared.....very scared. Help me with any suggestions to cope with this debilitating news.
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Comment by: c Sun., Jul. 5, 2009 at 5:16 pm UTC
i could not sleep tonite and i just read michael's message. i am sorry to hear about your fear.... our situations are very similar in a way.. i am also always the healthy and strong one.. i never feel ill... i found out i felt the same way too... i am lucky to have a very loving bf who is very supportive of my situation. i really must thank him for loving me unconditionally... it is a real challenge when it comes to this but now i know what love really is...please be brave and look into the future as i am also trying to tell myself this when i am down..
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Comment by: Brownie (Australia ) Sat., Jul. 4, 2009 at 11:38 am UTC
I tested positive 8 months ago my cd4 was 28, viral load 459,000. I was on my out when I started ARVs last Oct. My viral load is now undetectable. i just stopped working for one week so that i could start my ARVs and see whether i didn't have an adverse reaction to drugs. It's only the first two weeks when your body gets used to the drugs, but otherwise it's not a big deal. I'm 100% healthy now. I have taught myself not to worry about things that I can't control like when I will die. The only thing that reminds me that I'm pos are my tablets that i have to take and it has become so normal to me that it's more like the tea i have to drink each morning. if you just tested positive treat it or take it like you have diagnosed with diabetes and you to take tablets to control your blood sugar level. i have been given a second chance in life, I don't want to waste it worrying of when I'm going to die. With these dugs i will be here for some good 2 to 3 decades.

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Comment by: Michael (Los Angeles) Fri., Jul. 3, 2009 at 12:44 am UTC
For most of my life I have dealt with serious illness of my family members. I was always the healthy one. But I was just diagnosed with HIV a few hours ago. I can barely sit still. I can't help but beat myself up. I was so terribly careless. I knew I should have been having safer sex, but I kept doing it anyway. I keep hoping that it's some mistake, that the results are wrong. I heard sometimes that happens. I was trying to get my life on track was on a roll, met a guy, had made the decision to be exclusive, safe. I don't know how to tell him, but I know I have to and I'm afraid I'll lose him. I just turned 36yo on Tuesday. Now I can't shake this feeling of hopelessness.
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Comment by: Karl (Phoenix) Sun., Jun. 28, 2009 at 12:46 am UTC
I was diagnosed back in 07. I kept on getting sick. It was 11-25-07 I remember just like it happened yesterday. For a while, I just wanted to stay at home, not do anything, you know? But God made a way out of nowhere for me so that has to mean He has a purpose for my life. My t cells were at 3 and now their massing into the 1,000's. My partner says that he bets my tcell count is higher than his and he is negative. I don't know why God spared me, but I would have never made it this far without Him.
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Comment by: yolanda (South Africa) Sat., Jun. 27, 2009 at 4:04 am UTC
Hi Mal(UK)im in that same boat. I got tested 26/06/2009. Waiting for my results. Have little hope of being neg. Don't know how I'm going to tell my family i had unprotected sex with someone a year back. Got tested in May, came back neg. I'm married and don't know what I'm going to say to my husband what if i infected him. Don't even wanna think about it. It's driving me insane. I can't sleep or eat. I just stay at home and avoid people. Thanks to all for there wonderful stories.
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Comment by: Arie (Jakarta,Indonesia) Fri., Jun. 26, 2009 at 6:00 am UTC
Hello everyone,i have test myself two times this year n the result is negative,but doctor said that i should take the test again after 6 months. i'm having my own paranoia about being positive cause last year i did many unprotected sex with different partner.. but after reading this testimonial here it helps me a lot not to drown in fear for too long and try to always be positive thinking n make myself ready if one day i was diagnosed +. i'd love to have chat with all of you, everyone is welcome just add my messenger : thx n keep ur spirit high always.
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Comment by: Thandi (UK) Tue., Jun. 23, 2009 at 5:36 pm UTC
I am HIV positive, was diagnosed 6 years ago while i was pregnant. I took medication during my pregnacy to protect my son, who has remained negative on all tests. However, i developed skin rashes (itchy) during use of nevaramune which i did not associate with HIV medication. I stopped taking meds after birth because my immune system was in the right levels. However last year, my immune system dropped significantly, and my doctor put me on neramune and truvada. I reacted with itch rash all over my body on the second day of taking the dose, which i stopped taking on doctors advise. The rash was unbearable and has since made me petrified of starting any HIV course. I want to start taking meds because my CD count is said to be low about 250 . Could the rash be related to these drugs? I am really scared of trying again.
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Comment by: mike (anon) Tue., Jun. 23, 2009 at 6:30 am UTC
I was diagnosed 4 months ago have been taking my norvir/truvada/reyataz combination now for a little over a month and my vision seems to become "double." Has anyone else had this problem? I can't afford to see a specialist, and the health dept referral is not available till mid august.
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Comment by: Mal (UK) Mon., Jun. 22, 2009 at 9:54 am UTC
Going through this website and reading all of the personal experiences has been inspiring and had made me feel a little more positive. I am going to be tested tomorrow and I am TERRIFIED, to say the least. I have been putting it off for a few weeks now and I cannot eat or sleep, cry all of the time, have strong panic attacks. I am 33 yrs old, I have been married for 2 years and did not get tested before we married. Things have been happening with my body lately that have me genuinely worried. I know this could all be manifestations of my emotional state, but I would imagine I am not the only one who has driven themselves to the point of near insanity. My main worry is my husband, and worrying about what I may have unknowingly done to him fills me full of grief. I am very, very afraid and the next two days of testing and waiting are going to be hell...but I just want to say thanks to everyone who has shared their stories. I feel a little stronger when I read all of the positive stories. God bless all of you.
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Comment by: Ekua Azagsibono (Ghana) Fri., Jun. 19, 2009 at 9:18 am UTC
Thank God I read this site. I found out about it a year now and I am 30 yrs old. I have been on treatment till date and I think I'm as healthy as any human being. Finding this site has given me hope to live my life each day. But there's a problem here, I think I still need a responsible partner who is also positive to share my life with. I don't know who has and who doesn't have so I don't want to infect innocent people with it. So any one interested in meeting another positive person should e-mail me on this Any interested person should mail and maybe we can get married and live a happy life.

Thank you and keep your hopes very high for God loves us too.
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Comment by: mpho (polokwane ( south africa )) Wed., Jun. 17, 2009 at 10:43 am UTC
Anthony - The only way you can know you are infected is when you test and get your results, and my advice is, you get tested and if the result come positive, don't tell your mother yet, as considering your situation, but stay healthy and if you are negative, then tell your mother and stay negative.
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Comment by: marcus (tampa fl) Tue., Jun. 16, 2009 at 11:16 am UTC
i want to get tested but don't know how much it cost or if a regular clinic can do it or i remember in school there said some clinic did it for free, i had some body fluid on hand and wipe my mouth by accident and now i am am afraid i might have hiv. it was body fluid of 2 bi people. do u know ur postive the same day or i read on some post about a time window or 2nd test if any knows i appreciate the info but i'll keep looking the net for more info thanks
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Comment by: anthony (australia) Mon., Jun. 15, 2009 at 10:35 pm UTC
i am afraid I may be infected with HIV long time ago. My last -ve test result was done 15 years ago.I always practised safe sex, however few times condom broke. I did have 3 blood testings in the last 2 years, but never went back to get a final result.
I am currently unemployed, depressed, and living wih my mum, who told me I would have to leave her house if I am HIV +ve. However, I am aware of the fact that I can live longer and healthier if I started treatment earlier. But that would mean I will have to go on the street. What I should do?
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Comment by: rick (portland) Mon., Jun. 15, 2009 at 7:01 pm UTC
During a routine physical last week I agreed to an HIV test. It came back HIV+. My partner then tested immediately and his results came back as HIV+ as well. We're taking one day at a time and haven't told anyone. My CD4 count came in at 183 - not too good. I feel healthy and have no signs of infection or effects from the virus other than I have lost some weight. [I think just fat which is kinda cool! :-) ] My partner has had some swelling in his glands and a sore, yet his CD4s are over 450. I feel fortunate that I have my loving husband, health insurance, a safe home and a few close friends and family I know will be supportive when I do decide to share the details of my condition.

We are now waiting for our viral loads and genotypes which will determine treatment. I have a positive attitude and continue to work, despite the pain I feel in my heart. We have 2 young kids to complicate things and my partner has been diagnosed for depression from all of this. He is on meds now for depression and I have started Bactrim to combat opportunistic infections due to my low CD4 count. I'm meeting with a nutritionist on Wed, my therapist on thurs and expect our viral load counts later this week. [Fingers crossed]

I wanted to add that I suspect that I was the one who first contracted the virus via unprotected oral sex over 4 years ago. The partner I was with told me sheepishly he was HIV+ a day after our encounter. If my partner passes before me, I will NEVER do the same to another partner. And if people think they only get this via intercourse and shared needles, think again!

I am not angry. I accept this as my path and intend to hold my grand children one day - if that's not my destiny, God will decide. All I can do is do everything I can to stay healthy, take one day at a time, and live life to its fullest...much differently than I have up to this point, but full in a different, more spiritual and meaningful way.

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Comment by: Phefo (SA polokane) Mon., Jun. 15, 2009 at 9:07 am UTC
Hi guys, I was diagnosed 2004 feb, and am on arv's. This web site helped me a lot especially when i was so stressed without any support. But now am a healthy individual living a normal life like any other person. I am a health worker and never disclosed to my colleques because of the way they talk about people who are infected. I say to everyone who is infected; be positive this is not the end of the world it is just the beginning of a new lifestyle. Keep well
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Comment by: fb (st lucia) Sun., Jun. 14, 2009 at 4:56 pm UTC
i was listening to a biography on this lady who met her husband in college and got married soon after. Two years after she became pregnant never found out she was positive untill the baby was born and three months after the baby became sick' her husband could not deal with it and he died, the baby died also, but she always kept faith and kept a positive attitude towards life. she went and read her bible and she stumbled upon a scripture and it said al that was lost shall be restored' and she believed' now she has a new husband who accepts her for who she is and not what disease she is carrying and she has a second child who is the joy of her life. what am trying to say here is that there is always hope at the end of the tunnel' you have to be in control of your life.' life doesn't stop when u are hiv positive I am not hiv positive but my heart goes out to each and everyone of you who are. Remember it doesn"t there' find peace with your self always remember there is a god and he can fix anything. stay closer to him. god bless you all
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Thu., Jun. 11, 2009 at 11:34 am UTC
This morning was a little bit hard, so I slept til 10, got up, drank my coffee, took a deep breath and realized I am alive. I come to this site almost daily to read the stories and to try to help lift spirits, in return my own spirits get lifted. I have only known I am positive, for almost 3 months, and at first it was like walking around outside myself, trying to figure it all out. I have learned that life with any problem is a rollercoaster of sorts and has to be taken day by day. I am still unsure of all the terms and meanings of bloodwork and counts, all I know is that mine is good so far. When I first found out, I wanted to tell no one, then tell the whole world, then I realized I had to tell someone, but it is not necessary to tell everyone. My biggest support group is this site, and all the comforting stories and thoughts I have read. Thank you all. It is now 11 A.M. and I think today will be a good day. Wishing you all good health and happiness.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Thu., Jun. 11, 2009 at 11:19 am UTC
HEATHER---First of all please get tested, Second, unfortunately the doctors have no way of knowing who infects a person. The doctors can only take the names of all of your partners and inform them that someone they have been with has tested positive,(of course without giving any names). The HIPPA ACT protects the rights of people so that only the person infected has the right to tell who they want. Even if the doctors could know, they would not be allowed to tell. Keep your head up, and if you do test positive, don't beat yourself up trying to find out how, put all your strength into taking care of yourself. Good luck and best wishes.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Thu., Jun. 11, 2009 at 11:03 am UTC
SCOT---I have my fingers crossed that it will all be o.k. for you and you will be NEG on your tests, I am also keeping my fingers crossed that this is a "wake-up" call on your lifestyle. I know it is a headache trying to figure out where you may have come into contact with these problems, but the reality is.. even the richest, sexiest, high paid people get these diseases and a lot of people are sexually active without protection and don't even know they are infected, most of whom believe these are diseases of the poor and unfortunate. If you recieved a call from the CDC or Dept. of Health, it may be a follow up on your results to find out who you have been with, so they can notify all of them. Try not to stress to much, and just be prepared to change your life, no matter the outcome.
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Comment by: Scot (FL.) Wed., Jun. 10, 2009 at 2:38 pm UTC
I am a straight w/m in Florida. I donated plasma to help the community and figured a few extra dollars couldn't hurt in this economy. I haven't been with a man ever, and have had several female partners over the years...I was a bit promiscuous to say the least. However, I haven't been with a woman sexually in over two years. I have been busy working, school, and taking care of my six year old daughter.
Well, I was shocked when the plasma center called me aside and I was told I may have syphilis! What?!! I am supposed to go back for the 2nd results to see if it was false-positive. At the time I was told the Hep and HIV tests were negative, but today I received a call from the health department and am freaking out. I am waiting a call-back right now. I immediately searched the web and found this site. I am a bit of a hypochondriac, but I am scared to death.
Reading these comments has helped to calm me a bit, but I am still in shock. The plasma center said they would not contact me re: the syphilis results, so I am thinking the Hep or HIV tests may have been positive. I unfortunately lead a life of promiscuity and fear I may be "paying for it" now.
I have never been with a prostitute, but have dated several strippers. I suppose placing the blame doesn't help a whole lot.
I am expecting the call any moment and will be back on here regardless of the outcome. God bless you all.
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Comment by: JACK (South Africa) Wed., Jun. 10, 2009 at 7:44 am UTC
My wife has just tested positive 2 days ago, we are still waiting 4 her second test which i did with her. We are getting both results on Friday. I am terrified 2 say the least. We have 2 very young kids both negative and when I look at them I feel angry at GOD. The last 2 days have been hell, but descovering this site has lifted my spirits. Keep-up the good work.
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Comment by: heather (South Africa) Wed., Jun. 10, 2009 at 3:53 am UTC
I would like to know if it's possible that doctors can tell you who infected you? I have not been tested yet, but believe I'm HIV pos.
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Comment by: Frank (New Orleans) Tue., Jun. 9, 2009 at 8:10 pm UTC
I was diagnosed with HIV a month ago. I had no idea I was sick until I got tested. My viral load is high and my CD4 count is 70. I will begin my HAART medication when the lab tests return with what drugs I am resistant to. I am already taking medication to prevent any infection, of which I will have to continue taking until my CD4 count rises. Does anyone know how long it will take?
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Comment by: mpho (south africa - polokwane) Tue., Jun. 9, 2009 at 9:50 am UTC
Mary- I am from polokwane too and it is good to hear how much this site helps us to deal with the hiv virus. My girlfriend is also positive, but i tested negative and i will support, love her all the way and she is not on ARV'S yet and her CD4'S are above 500 and she just gave birth to a healthy baby, and it's my first child, and life is normal and to you my fellow citizen, be strong and know that your mother loves you.
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Comment by: mpho (south africa) Mon., Jun. 8, 2009 at 8:10 am UTC
LISA- I like the way you see things, and i am with you 100%, it is no longer a death sentence and you can be whatever you want even if you are positive. I am glad I found this website and i open it every day just to read your comments. keep going strong.
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Comment by: mpho (south africa) Mon., Jun. 8, 2009 at 8:06 am UTC
I just wish people could stop this discrimination against people who are infected and affected by HIV, because people still believe it will not happen to them and they treat others like they are not human. I am from south africa and people here are dying a silent death, because they are afraid of discrimination and rejection from members of the public. Let's raise our voices people and let's help those who need help.
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Comment by: mary (polokwane, south africa) Mon., Jun. 8, 2009 at 2:06 am UTC
my mother was recently diagnosed, she has been a faithful wife her whole life. My father passed away 10 yrs ago from a heart condition n only disclosed 2 his sister n not his wife. I'm very angry at him 4 that because if he had disclosed 2 my mom, she would hv tested sooner. She's on art now n i believe she's doing well. She's only disclosed 2 me n i'm very supportive. I've registered on 2 this site n pass the information 2 her. She's actually doing well n i think it's partly because i've accepted her status with no judgement n i love her still. I'm angry that my dad is not here 2 answer why he didn't tell her when he found out, but she has forgiven him. She's now in her 60's, all she wishes is 2 see my 8 months old child go 2 school but i believe she'll be there 2 see her through high school. It's been tough 4 me not 2 tell anyone so this site helps share with someone. Thank u n God bless. N one day i'll probably forgive my father.
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Comment by: c Sun., Jun. 7, 2009 at 6:31 pm UTC
it has been over three weeks since i found out that i am poz. it was really hard to accept it at the beginning, but i have learnt to deal with it slowly day-by-day. Thank you for all the comments and advice posted on this site. I sometimes have bad days and will read some comments posted on here.. I understand that I am not alone... please keep your chin up... it is not the end of the world.. i don't feel any different than before ...i am still the same person... so please stay strong, live well and enjoy life...
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Fri., Jun. 5, 2009 at 1:50 pm UTC
HEP BER---THANK YOU..I just want to say that you are absolutely correct, When I found out I was HIV+ I thought the world was going to crash in around me, then I realized that it is not as bad as I thought, As you is a virus, and today it is not a death sentence. I watched a show about people surviving the most horrible things like being stranded in deserts and ending up losing half their faces, I have realized that HIV is not all that bad, I cannot sit around and feel sorry for myself, someone out there has got it worse and I can either lay down and let this concour me or I can get out there and fight back,spread hope and keep myself involved with positive things. I hope you are doing well, and I am glad you posted.I believe we all go through alot of the same emotions, no matter what the diagnosis.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl) Fri., Jun. 5, 2009 at 1:39 pm UTC
MPHO---I am glad to hear that you are negative, and I hope you will continue to be healthy. You are right...this site is a place to go and not feel so scared about things, I enjoy everyone here and would have probably went crazy without their stories.
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Fri., Jun. 5, 2009 at 1:33 pm UTC
Milka---I am doing fine and thank you, My husband tested negetive, and he has got to test again in 3 months, but all is well. I am glad to hear you are doing good,and that there are ads in your area about AIDS/HIV. It is hard to find anything here, even at the CDC clinic, I don't see very many ads, or anything. I am sorry to hear about your troubled past and am very happy to see you have overcome it all. I wish you all the best of life and health from here on.
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Comment by: MPHO (south africa) Fri., Jun. 5, 2009 at 10:13 am UTC
Guys i told you last time, that i was going to test for hiv, guess what i am negative and to tell you the truth i was not scared because of you guys and i did not even need counseling because by reading your comments i was already ready for anything and also my baby is fine. i love you guys, please keep the spirit high. all south africans out there, please don't be afraid, come out because there are people out there who are willing to listen, one thing that i have learned is that we must accept each other, no matter our status. bye for now
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Comment by: milka (holland) Thu., Jun. 4, 2009 at 4:30 am UTC
(lisa) i hope you are doing well. i just happened to stumble upon this website. Right now there are a lot of ads in my city about aids and hiv. they are all anti discriminatory ads. I read your story and i asked myself how did it go with ur husband. you said he was being tested.
I used to be a very promiscuous teen, i was raped at age 9 and decided to get back at the world by having sex with the whole world to forget my pains. i have been lucky now to no longer be in that path.
i was lucky that i never got an std. until i had sex with my current partner. (chlamydia) still very lucky. i know it's hard. i got sick and they did all these tests. i couldn't sleep for a whole week. luckily, i am better now. i hope you are all doing well.
may faith always smile upon you and favor you with the gift of love, happiness and succes.
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Comment by: Hep Ber (Boston, MA) Tue., Jun. 2, 2009 at 3:34 pm UTC
Well, I know this is an HIV forum, but I just wanted to say that I appreciate all your wonderful thoughts and sentiments on this site. While I am HIV-, I am a Hep B inactive carrier, and when I was diagnosed a few years ago, I thought my life was doomed. But, somehow I've come to realize that a virus is simply a virus. It's the way that I was thinking about it that was causing the vast majority of my heart ache, pain and suffering. Somehow, I've gained some mental clarity around the whole thing. I think I got so scared that there was essentially no where for me to go but inward -- I went into all that nasty fear, which was far worse than the virus, I tell you Do what our doctors tell us to do, got second/third opinions when necessary, but all the while, I went inward, into all of my fear, and somehow came out the other side of it. It's the best way I can explain what's happened for me, and the vast freedom I'm beginning to experience in my life, even while co-existing with a virus. It's funny how something I perceived to be so awful is what's actually brought me into the most beautiful time of my life. I'm thankful... forevermore!
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Tue., Jun. 2, 2009 at 11:40 am UTC
William M.
Congradulations on being sober!!, I know how hard it is to get sober and harder to stay that way. I want you to know that there are people out here to talk to, even if it is hard to talk to people you know. I hope you continue to stay sober and learn as much as you can about HIV, and you will see your life is worth more than any drink od drug and you can live a long full life with HIV if you take care of your body. I hope you are doing good today and remember, keep your head up, take it day by day and I am proud of your sobriety.
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Comment by: (nicaragua ) Mon., Jun. 1, 2009 at 1:25 pm UTC
hola soy de nicaragua me gustaria y me mandaran informacion en espaol hace cutro meses sostube relacion sexual me hice la prueba a los dos mese pero salio negativa aun sigo inquieto ya tengo cuatro meses no conocia a la persona y yo creo que me engao soy de escasos recursos y en mi pais no se sobrevive mucho tiempo e sentido sensaciones raras en mi cuerpo como dolor en las manos o huesos hormigueo pinchazos en diferentes partes del cuerpo dolor en el cuello y aveces en la cabeza me guataria y me ayudaran fue mi primera relacion sexual y me siento frustrado
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Comment by: Alexander (Maldives) Sun., May. 31, 2009 at 7:20 pm UTC
God bless all of u!!
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Thu., May. 28, 2009 at 3:24 pm UTC
Hello again everyone, I hope you all are doing well.I am doing o.k. All of you who post your stories..thank you. I come here to read and know that I am not alone,as many people around me do not know my status, and I am unable to tell them right now. I wish you all the best,and hopefully your days are going well. Keep your heads up,and keep fighting.
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Comment by: William M (Fort Lauderdale, FL) Thu., May. 28, 2009 at 3:02 pm UTC
I am twenty-two, 4 months sober and just found out I was positive 48 hours ago. I'm in a state of shock, thanks to supportive people in my life I haven't had to drink or use drugs. I'm trying to practice acceptance and know that I will still be able to lead a happy,healthy and free life regardless of my HIV status. This website is a beautiful resource!
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Comment by: Beauty (Johannesburg) Wed., May. 27, 2009 at 7:20 pm UTC
I tested positive 2004 when was pregnant with my son but thank god he tested negative. Can anyone who's in south Africa Johannesburg refer me to good Doctor who knows about HIV
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Comment by: Romeo (partugal) Wed., May. 27, 2009 at 4:39 pm UTC
I was tested hiv+ 1 month ago. but now i am still asking my self: In how many years am I going to die?

Does anyone have been hiv+ for long time? please tell me: how many years have been diagnosed? If it is more than 30 years i will be happy as I will be expecting to live at least for more 20years.

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Comment by: Shane (Australia...) Mon., May. 25, 2009 at 11:59 pm UTC
i just got a call today saying that someone i have slept with has been diagnosed as positive...and now i am waiting for my result. Never in my life have i been this scared... and it really makes you think. My main concern is that i have unknowingly infected others, because i have been foolish with safe sex practices... so now i'm just praying my dr calls with good news.. :( keep on keepin on peeps.
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Comment by: Al (China) Fri., May. 22, 2009 at 10:42 pm UTC
Dears;I no it is much more advanced treating HIV or AIDS in your country. you have experienced doctors, you have best medicines which may not be available in China. I was noticed HIV+ after donating my blood. I was in shock, hope to keep in contact with kind hearted doctor or friends in same status over there. Now I appear normal, I have a good health. I will look forward and be positive mentally. Thank you all for sharing your stories.
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Comment by: c Tue., May. 19, 2009 at 8:59 am UTC
i was really scared when i found out.. but now i accepted the fact and i am feeling better.. thank you for all these comments posted on here for giving me the courage to stand up again... thanks for my partner (who turned out to be neg) for his support and love.. i look at it as a breakthrough with life also.. now i cherish everyone and everything much more esp. the relationship with my partner.. he is the best man one can ever find in this world .. i am so lucky... coping with it, of course, is not easy.. but i think i am learning to deal with it more day-by-day..
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Comment by: Peter (Los Angeles) Mon., May. 18, 2009 at 9:27 pm UTC
I have been diagnosed HIV+. I am dealing with it just fine. Not freaking out or anything. Having a good mental and spiritual attitude is very important. I will be starting Atripla soon, but am a little concerned about the side effects. If anyone out there has been on Atripla, I would appreciate hearing from them about their experience with it. Be good and be well to all. My email is :o)
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Comment by: Lesego (South Africa) Mon., May. 18, 2009 at 8:47 am UTC
I have been diagnosed HIV positive 2 years ago, when i was pregnant. Starting there i was more positive with my status. Start counseling yourself before seeking advice. Try to accept yourself and stop blaming others. Walk tall guys! Don't give up!
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Comment by: John (uk) Sat., May. 16, 2009 at 6:05 pm UTC
Fernando (Brazil) , THANK YOU for your kind words, Take Care!
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Comment by: Alonzo (Los Angeles ,CA.) Thu., May. 14, 2009 at 3:11 pm UTC
I was diagnosed HIV/Aids in Aug.2008, I thought my life was over. I've lost a cousin and several friends 15 years ago and earlier, most of which did hard drugs and wouldn't quit until it was too late. Also this was before the breakthrough medications that are available today. It is very important to pay attenion to your body and be regularly tested. I tested neg. in 89 and changed my lifestyle. But in 2008 tested positive
after my tongue began to be supersensitive to hot foods, and the corners of my mouth had little sores that would not heal, both caused by thrush which I later found out is common in newborns and people with HIV. It's actually caused by yeast. I also began to feel very weak and caught a lot of colds. I thought my life was ending, but after my doctor put me on Atripila, my mouth and tongue healed up and I feel Better than ever. My T-cells were very low and viral load was extremely high before the medication. Now approaching a year everything has turned around and my doctor said that the virus is now undetectable just like Magic Johnson's situation and it is all due to taking my meds everyday, no hard drugs or heavy drinking,rest, and eating healthy. My doctor says I can lead a long healthy life. Also it helps to exercise and thank God or whatever you believe in for the blessing. And remember HIV/Aids is no longer the death sentence it once was.
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Comment by: pamela (dublin) Mon., May. 11, 2009 at 4:57 pm UTC
Great comments, everyone looks healthy and happy. Just trying to educate myself about hiv and it's good to see it's not all doom and gloom. All the best to everyone who had the courage to put their photo and info on site. It is encouraging that there is a good support network worldwide.
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Comment by: Ethan (Malaysia) Mon., May. 11, 2009 at 4:24 am UTC
I went for a testing days ago found that i am +ve. Of cause i feel scare hopeless. But i tell myself, my journey of life is not the end, its actually just started. Now is the time for me to stop my step redefine the following time i want to have. Life may become more meaningful and aggressive.
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Comment by: Toni (jamaica) Sat., May. 9, 2009 at 3:18 pm UTC
I want to say I am negative , but i put myself in harms way by not always using condoms, so many of your stories could be mine. I want to say all of you are strong and i want to wish you all the best and know that God loves you....
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Comment by: mpho (south africa) Thu., May. 7, 2009 at 7:10 am UTC
my girlfriend and i went for hiv test while she was pregnant and she was positive and i was negative and next week i am going again to test, i just need your support people to accept what ever the outcome. i love this site
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Comment by: sexy slim (port-of-spain) Wed., May. 6, 2009 at 7:43 pm UTC
i get so depressed sometimes i want to crawl under a rock and die. i joined a support group but my husband moved us from the area and where we are it's too far to go. i've stopped taking my meds cause of depression. i don't know what esle to do. No support from friends or family because i haven't told them only my husband knows and the friends i made at the group. it gets so lonely
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Comment by: Mitaluma (Malawi) Mon., May. 4, 2009 at 4:43 am UTC
We shall live for some time. Whether our dying shall be due to HIV or not, we shall all go to the waiting grave. The worst thing that may erode us away is losing hope. I encourage all of us who have tested positive to take courage and look up to heaven for He knows our tomorrow.
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Comment by: barbara (baltimore, MD) Sat., May. 2, 2009 at 10:59 pm UTC
Hey May: I just saw your message and thought I'd pipe up! It's horrible to feel so alone. But really the key to your survival is get support. You need to try and get out and get support. Even if you feel discouraged, you have to do this! There are people you can call. But it really is up to you to feel you DESERVE the best. Do you have a case manager? CALL HERO (Health Education Resource Organization).They have CASE MANAGEMENT
for people with HIV. Call--roberta sailer 410.685.1180 or write to her
There is also a women's organization in baltimore you can go to STAR (Sisters Together and Reaching)
1505 Eutaw Place
Baltimore, MD 21217 call
Tiffany Koontz, at (410) 383-1903, Finally to find a regimen, talk to project inform for free about your treatment problems....they are in california National HIV/AIDS Treatment Hotline:
800-822-7422 (toll-free)
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Comment by: May (Baltimore, MD) Sat., May. 2, 2009 at 2:51 am UTC
I have been living with HIV for about nine years. I can't seem to find the right regimen. I have no support from my family or friends. What can I do to make my life better?

May West-Thanks
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Comment by: Fernando (Rio, Brazil) Fri., May. 1, 2009 at 7:17 pm UTC
Hello, John (London,UK). By no means think I took your comment as an offense. Not at all. I totally understand what you are going through, and it's true, sometimes we feel lost, and we can feel angry, sad, happy, all within a few days, sometimes even hours! The way you were infected was quite unfair indeed, and as you said, you agreed on having unprotected sex, just like I have, while being drunk so many times. Try not to blame anyone, or yourself, just live life as it is. See what makes you happy and go for it! I know, easier said than done, I also have my moments, but am living a pretty happy life and going for different goals now. There's life after we test + after all! Try to gradually stop with alcohol and cigarettes, it's going to have a very positive effect on you. I feel so much better. But then as I said, I stopped with that before learning I am +, and that made the whole process easier. All the best, and be happy!!!
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Comment by: Lisa (Fl.) Mon., Apr. 27, 2009 at 3:43 pm UTC
Hello everyone, I stop in every now and again to see what's written, and how everyone is doing. I hope all of you are doing well. Since I was diagnosed, I have been on my computer everyday trying to check out all the info I can on this virus, I am amazed at how little you hear about it on the news or talk shows. I am also amazed that there isn't any commercials about the facts of this infection. I believe that the world needs to wake up and start talking about it or it is never going to get under control. People need to learn about this and know all the facts. I always thought I knew, but I really only knew a little...Any way...I hope all of you are staying in good health. Keep your head up, live everyday to its fullest, and hopefully one day people will get educated and the spread of this will end, and a cure will be found.
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Comment by: john (london uk) Mon., Apr. 27, 2009 at 2:53 pm UTC
Hello Fernando,( Brazil ) i apologise if my comments were offensive.... i think i misunderstood your story! As this is relatively new for me (diagnosed Mar 20 ) i'm still coping with lots of emotions... sadness, anger etc.. but in general doing ok ... i think... however I haven't stopped cigarettes and alcohol yet!! All the best to you!!
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Comment by: Fernando (Rio, Brazil) Thu., Apr. 23, 2009 at 3:44 pm UTC
Hello, John (UK, London).No, I did not engage in unprotected sex with the guy I mentioned in my comment. We once had protected sex, and all other times there was no penetration involved, and that would never happen, now that I know my status.
It's very ironic, but half a year before I learnt I was +, I stopped drinking and eventually smoking, just because I felt I'd feel better, healthier. And then I found out I was +. The whole thing was so ironic.
Please, don't you think someone would do such a thing because of their nationality. That happened to one of my best friends, he is American and the person that infected him was also American, and he should not blame Americans for that. This is something anyone, from anywhere, would do for a number of reasons only the person herself would know.
Now that we are + and we can go back in time to change anything we have done, we just have to live life as it is, take good care of ourselves and be happy! All the best for you too!!!
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Comment by: Risper Oteke (kenya) Wed., Apr. 22, 2009 at 1:30 pm UTC
Hey, life doesn't stop there until u stop it! Keep your head up. Hope is the last thing one should lose in life.
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Comment by: jaz (ramada) Sat., Apr. 18, 2009 at 11:46 am UTC
I am planning on getting tested on tuesday... the reason for this post is to acknowledge the strength and courage of those that have been Diagnosed. I Have HPV and i thought it was the end of the world for me. I WAS MAD BECAUSE "STUFF LIKE THIS DOESNT HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE", BUT IT DID....You don't have to be promiscuous to get a positive diagnosis, it only takes that ONE time. there are people going through waaaaaaay more than what i can even imagine. I would like to apologize to all of you out there, for my selfishness, YOUR STRENGTH HAS INSPIRED ME. THANKS SOO MUCH AND IM PRAYING FOR ALL OF YOU OUT THERE. GOD BLESS
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Comment by: john (uk, london) Wed., Apr. 15, 2009 at 7:11 pm UTC
Fernando, (Brazil)

I`m very happy to hear that you're doing well.. but let me get this right ... after being tested positive you continued alcohol, sex, etc... and put others at risk??? i was tested pos recently and, as it happens i know that i was infected by a brazilian guy (fit and gorgeous) but he knew he had it!! Did you have risky sex knowing that you were positive???
If so that`s so unfair and nothing to be proud of!! That person infected me.. knowing he had it.. i`m not ignoring the fact that i'm responsible for having unprotected sex... but now i know that i am H.I.V pos, i don`t think i`d even kiss someone without letting them know!!
Like i said, i don`t hold this guy who infected me responsible because i engaged in unprotected sex... i made a huge mistake... now it`s time to grow up...
in any case, i wish all the best for the future... it`s a pity.. if we didn`t make mistakes .. we wouldn't find ourselves here!! Wishing you the best in this difficult time!!
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Comment by: YourFriend (NYC) Mon., Apr. 13, 2009 at 7:52 pm UTC
My very best friend was diagnosed positive in November 2008, at 37 yo. He was always the big brother taking me and other friends to get tested, and he would get tested routinely every 3 or 6 months. We got tested together when he found out to be positive, and me his best friend negative. A safe-sex advocate, my friend was never at risk, or so he thought...and we are both still puzzled about his infection. It has a been a traumatic experience, i never left him alone for a single minute day and night for months, and i am the only one person in the world who knows and since that day i am the guardian of his nightmares, the nurse and the confidant. But i know now that taking the meds he will be my beloved best friend as long as i always thought he would be. It is all about this awful stigma, and it is up to us, the lucky ones who are still negative, to help eradicate it. Today's treatments are amazing, doctors are incredible, and my friend never felt any side effect as he feared. He is handsome, athletic and successful and i will make sure he ll stay the same for ever. But it is important he has my love, my help, my laughs. Being positive is nothing else that T-cells a bit low...if we called this condition with a different name instead of HIV or AIDS, which reminds everyone of the sad times when the epidemic was new and unknown, probably it would all be different. You guys are not alone and no different than anyone else, and we love you all. Thanks for going through this for us.
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Comment by: Fernando (Rio, Brazil) Mon., Apr. 13, 2009 at 6:30 pm UTC
I was tested + in Jan. 08. I was then living abroad and despite the fact that I was worried and simply could not believe what was going on, only a couple of months ago, being back home, I finally found a doctor and did all the necessary tests to see how I am doing. I don't need any medicines and am doing well.
I don't feel depressed or too worried. Sometimes I think about it and get confused, but I should say I am dealing with it alright.
I do feel stupid, though. I few years ago I engaged in some HIV/AIDS prevention programs at home and then in Africa, teaching youngsters how to prevent acquiring the virus. And then due to a couple of years of depression, I decided I'd have as much fun as possible, with a lot of alcohol and sex. I did have fun and HIV, since many times being drunk I'd just not be careful at all. I am not blaming alcohol or anything, but myself for doing exactly what I taught so many people they should be careful with. Ironic. Right now am living an interesting moment: I broke up with my boyfriend, and just met someone, and things were going fine till I said I was positive. He was nice and supportive, but things changed and now I can see he's not interested anymore. It's his right and I am not angry, but it does feel weird. More than ever, I now feel I do have to disclose my status to people, and I know it will be hard at times, but at the same time I know I have to do that.
I have grown a lot since I found out am +, and reading the stories on this site it does feel good to know life goes on, and actually pretty normal. Thanks for sharing your stories.
The funny thing is that I feel happier than ever, and depression -- which is a problem I faced for so long -- is simply gone, no signs of it, when I could use my status as a perfect excuse. Life is beautiful!

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Comment by: Lynn (Georgia) Sun., Apr. 12, 2009 at 1:17 pm UTC
I just found out my son is HIV positive and it took the wind right out of my sails. He's staying positive bless his heart, and so I am worrying about him more as he lives in California and I'm not right there to where I can be a constant source of moral support. I, like all of you I'm sure, never expected this to be an issue in our lives. God Bless and sustain you all.
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Comment by: Andres (London. UK) Fri., Apr. 10, 2009 at 9:31 am UTC
I was diagnosed just 3 days ago. I went to the sex clinic a week or something ago for an outbreak of what I thought was herpes. I have always had safe sex so it was a big shock when my HIV test came positive. I still cannot understand how I got it but I won't loose my time thinking about that. Luckily I live with my ex boyfriend with whom I have never really departed completely we are close to each other and he is supporting me 100%. I have to say, I feel very fortunate to have him and his support. He is away now for a few days on holiday but has called me constantly to make sure I am dealing with this. Everytime he says, "don't worry we'll get through this". There will be big changes in my life for sure but I am not afraid -- I have all the support I need from you guys all around the world and also here at home. I have already made plans about all the things I want to do and the places I want to go. Life goes on. Thanks for all your stories -- I feel so much more positive whenever I read them.
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Comment by: Happy (California) Thu., Apr. 9, 2009 at 6:23 pm UTC
What a scorge. My son tested + a view years ago. I read sites like this to stay hopeful. I am a prayerful person with strong faith, but life is what it is. Those who are +...enjoy everyday and do whatever you need to to stay positive. Life must be lived one day, one step at a time.
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Comment by: Lisa (Florida) Mon., Apr. 6, 2009 at 12:55 pm UTC
Hello everyone, I am 37 years old and I just found out on March 24,2009 that I am HIV+. I am so very afraid, and I am trying to learn as much as possible about this virus. I think I got it from my ex about 7 years ago we ended a 8 year relationship and I found out that he was an I.V. drug user, and so I think that's where it started, I have not been in a lot of relationships, and I try to be real careful, I have been married to my husband now for 4 years and we have been together 5 years. I stumbled on to this site and I must admit, these stories have givin me a lot of hope. I always assumed that when I went to my DR. for regular check ups and bloodwork, that they were doing HIV test automatically, so every time I had blood work and they told me it was all good,I thought I didn't have any problems, man was I wrong. I have had some medical problems that should have been a sign to most doctors that my immune system was compramised, but no one every said anything, so here I sit today,scared and waiting to go have the viral load test and to see just how sick I am, although I feel great, I am afraid. I do have the support of my husband who has just had to get tested this week, but I remain feeling lonely. I pray that he is negative and then we will only have to deal with me. I do have mood minute I am adjusting well...the next minute I am worrying crazy. I want to thank you all for your stories, and for all of you who are at risk, get tested regularly and spread the word of how important it is to use protection, or better yet abstain until you know there is no risk. I wish you all the best and thank you again for your stories....I don't feel so isolated knowing that I am not alone and not everyone will judge me for being sick. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
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Comment by: Laura (Salt Lake City, Utah) Wed., Apr. 1, 2009 at 12:31 am UTC
I just got tested today. Thankfully I was negative. My heart goes out to everyone on this site and everyone who is infected and also those who are not infected but take the time to care and educate others about this horrible disease. I vowed to myself today that I am going to help educate others on this. I swear to God that I will. I wish everyone the best and reading these stories def. changed my life forever. God bless!!
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Comment by: all alone (atlanta) Tue., Mar. 31, 2009 at 1:46 pm UTC
May God bless all of us.

I've been depressed and lost since Dec 08 when I was diagnosed positive. The iniial thouught was how to tell my crazy family/ Jan 09 I was displaced to add to my fears.

To date I'm still waiting for my meds. After 4 centers, testings and spilling my guts to the wrong people, the seclusion seems more peaceful.

I know people here in Atlanta but no friends. They as well as my family will only make it worst.

I'm no longer mad at myself, I just crave the outside world. I want to feel like my life counts.

Oh yeah, thanks for this site and testimonies. You all have no idea what sharing does to the soul.

God bless you all.
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Replies to this comment:
Comment by: hurt but not yet wounded (sc) Sat., Mar. 16, 2013 at 6:49 pm UTC
I no how you feel and what your going through but trust and believe in god and keep your prayers up

Comment by: adam mohamed (nj ) Mon., Mar. 30, 2009 at 10:06 pm UTC
monday mars 30 at 9.49 pm .
i was diagnosed 06/28/2007 i did receive mail from D.H.L i did opened the envelope i did find out from my blood work i'm hiv possitif and I was extremely shocked and think it's a death sentence. i was thinking my life is definitely over. i get very emotional and upset angry about my life and i was thinking -- just kill my self i felt alone. i could not speak to any buddy about that. after 3 days i called a friend to let him know and he did support me, helped me emotionally. then i did go to doctor. He educated me about it to know more steps. then i did get comfortable. Then i did start taking my medication and i felt so much better. I'm doing well even today my doctor told me: you will live to 78 to 80 years but you have to do exercize and eat heathily and do not give up, life could turn happy. i want to give this message to every buddy HIV positif -- please do not give up to any buddy. i do know hiv can make you angry, but it is not fair to infect innocent people. I'm sorry, my english it not that good, but i'm trying .
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Comment by: jay (jhb) Sun., Mar. 29, 2009 at 7:17 pm UTC
I'm 23 yrs old, and I had intercourse for the first time with my boyfriend of 3 yrs, it was on occasion unprotected. Both of us tested negative at the beginning of the relationship, we were monogomous. Last year he got into a physical fight with a guy that we later found out was HIV positive. My boyfriend got a call from his insurance broker last week saying he was HIV positive and in that moment our world just crumbled. It's as though a a knife rips into your soul and cuts every moment of happiness that was there. I went for a test soon after and it came back negative, I'm still in my window period though. My boyfriend is depressed and I am heartbroken. We overcame so many difficulties to be together, and now he feels his endangering my life if we stay together. I love him, his diagnosis doesn't change how I feel about us, and I'm so grateful to this website for giving me a glimer of hope about serodiscordant couples. I mail the info to my boyfriend and it helps us work through this, it's difficult but not impossible. I'm taking it as a challenge, that we are going to tackle head on. With God on our side, I have to believe everything is going to be ok.
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Comment by: John (Paris, France) Sun., Mar. 22, 2009 at 10:01 am UTC
I can really identify with comments by "Lee, San Fran"! I received my diagnosis two days ago... i`ve spent most of my last 2 days in bed..crying!! i can`t eat , i feel numb and sick! i stumbled on this site last night and reading some of your comments gave me a glimmer of hope... however, i`m a long way from being strong about it at the moment... i hope i`ll get there!!
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Comment by: renee t (Pitt, NC) Mon., Mar. 16, 2009 at 1:32 am UTC
On 04/2009 I will be going to find out if I am HIV positive. I have been selfish with life itself. This will be eye awakening event. I have done so much reasearch on HIV that I have scared myself and I encourgaged my self at the same time. If poz. I will take the bull by the horns and ride forever. If neg, I will double the saddle.
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Comment by: Drew (SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA) Sat., Mar. 14, 2009 at 9:03 pm UTC
Hi I'm Drew, I found out that I was Positive on 20/6/07...It was a shock! How did I deal with it ??? I went out and drank and did a lot of recreational drugs in the gay bars (DENIAL), this lasted about 1 yr then I thought it's time to deal with the fact that i'm poz. I now go to the gym 5 days a week, only have a few drinks on the w/ends and have stopped taking recreational drugs all together. Being HIV+ has in a way changed my life for the better in reagards to my health and lifestyle. I'm in better shape than ever.

Drew xxoo
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Comment by: c (austin, tx) Tue., Mar. 10, 2009 at 3:39 pm UTC
I've been sitting around feeling sorry cuz my boyfriend left..later I found out he'd been cheating on me..So I got tested, my sister was in an accident so she figured test me too. My results came back negative, hers are positive. It was like a slap upside the made me realize that life is too damn short to be crying over a man, and she has REAL it's my job to be strong for her..Gonna be spending a lot of time here cuz right now we're both lost
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Comment by: bERNARD (mephis, tn) Mon., Mar. 9, 2009 at 11:18 pm UTC
I went to our local health department feb 2009 and got tested. I was glad when I found out I was negative. I don't want to imagine what life would be like for me if the test results were anything else but. I wish the best for all the ones who were not so lucky. I tell you one thing, just reading yours stories has open my eyes. May God Bless.
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Comment by: Joni (San Luis Obispo, Ca) Thu., Mar. 5, 2009 at 1:33 pm UTC
Thank you for your stories -- my best friend was diagnosed two weeks ago. . .and I have been completely distraught since he told me; I have no idea what I would do without him. He has lived with me since we were 20 and single, and now he is like a second father to my daughter and a brother to my partner. I can't sleep at night worrying about the money his medications will cost and whether he'll get sick. I found this post late last night and it really made me feel better. Knowing I will likely get plenty more years with my best friend, that there is a great deal to be happy about still and that this "grieving" period will pass. . .that is invaluable. Thank you everyone for sharing!
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Comment by: Kristine (Canada) Tue., Mar. 3, 2009 at 7:47 pm UTC
I would like to know why you people decided to get tested? Was it random blood-tests or did you have problems?
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Comment by: Sergei (Concord, NH) Sat., Feb. 28, 2009 at 12:14 pm UTC
Thanks everybody for encouragement. I found I was Poz one month ago. The week before my 59th birthday. While I am handling things well and I have the first official doctor's appt on March 5th to get started on meds etc. I agree with all that say to allow yourself time to grieve. How freakin' true. Either I am one cold hearted SOB or I am in denial, but I have accepted my status in a positive manner - no pun intended. I think the final acceptance was the Monday after being told when I was sitting on the couch feeling sorry for myself and my dog - a toy linghaired daschund - came and jumped up beside me then gave me THE look and put his head on my thigh and closed his eyes and slept. That did it for me - I thought what a jerk I was being. I am not much different than before. I'm healthy enough to handle this both mentally and physically. Attitude is a big part of accepting and as my co-workers will attest I have enough attitude to handle this and anything else that is thrown at me. Again thanks everybody for just being there for all of us. As my closet friend told me when I told him - You are never handed anything you cannot and willnot handle. You will live to be 100 and probably die from work-related stress.
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Comment by: l. harris (north carolina) Wed., Feb. 25, 2009 at 4:52 pm UTC
i found out two years ago my mother was hiv positive....she has been since 1981...i really don't know why i am posting except to say that as someone who ironically works in the healthcare field, i feel so helpless...
currently, she is "healthy" but she has so many doctors appointments and it saddens me because i can't go with her to them... i feel like she needs her eldest child, to be strong for her but i can't right now...i love the comment you posted mark stack about "hiv/aids being a life sentence not a death sentence" but right know,honestly...i look at her and wonder how much time (crying now)i have left...god bless!!!

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Comment by: V (Williamsport, PA ) Thu., Feb. 19, 2009 at 3:18 am UTC
I am so happy that people are reading the testimonials.. Our stories are unique but in a lot of ways the same, we have this disease that has affected our lives and everyone in them. I had high expectations of myself before I found out, but now my main goal is to live long enough to see each one of my children graduate college and live their own lives. When that happens then I can go peacefully. I don't worry about what I will become anymore, I just worry I won't see my kids grow and acheive their dreams.... My emotions are up and down, some days I feel like I am super woman and there isn't anything I can't do. Then there are other times where I just don't have the energy to want to be super woman. This disease weighs heavily on your mind, all the "what ifs", it can be tiring at times. And then there are days that I don't even think about it and just live my life like I did before? I tell the people I love that I do love them all the time so they know and won't ever question it when I am not here to tell them...I do joke that when I am 110 years old that my kids are gonna say ok mom you proved everyone wrong go ahead and die now...LOL. I am finding that the internet has been great therapy for me. Its so nice to know that there are other people out there that are going through this and have the same fears and the same ups and downs. I have enjoyed being able to meet new people and I am thankful for this site. I am also happy that people who are negative want to be more educated about HIV/AIDS and finding this site is making things a little clearer for them, that we are people that have families and bigger concerns sometimes goes beyond the meds and doctors...
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Comment by: trinidadian girl (trinidad) Wed., Feb. 18, 2009 at 1:24 pm UTC
I am HIV NEGATIVE. I love to come on this site because my aunt and cousin died from AIDS and the reason is the stigma attatched to having an illness such as HIV. In my country it is not accepted because it is asssociated with gay sex and sex in general. They did not seek treatment and died horribly. I come here to strengthen my resolve that I would protect my self against the disease. Any time i think about doing something foolish, I remember the stories that I read here. I would like you guys to know that what you are going through is heavy and a lot to deal with. But your stories are making a difference in this world. I would never show stigma to someone with HIV. NEVER, because i feel that the individual is already going through enough. Beause I went through this with two family members, I can usually spot someone with HIV. There was once some one where I worked with HIV,I was the only person that would speak and interact with him. His story was really tragic, he passed on now. He was on medication, but he suffered horrible side effects until he stop taking the medications. The medicine helped, but his quality of life was not good at all. I am GLAD he died because it hurt too much to see him in pain and in and out of the hospital.
Positive people stay positive! Even if you don't know it you are helping A LOT of us out here!
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Comment by: Ngwane (Zambia) Sat., Feb. 14, 2009 at 6:26 am UTC
It is a most horrifying thing on earth but when you learn to put your trust in God and know that he is the author and finisher then you will find rest.
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Comment by: karl (rio de janeiro- brasil) Thu., Feb. 12, 2009 at 8:37 am UTC
i have been positive since 2005, but i had the worst experience to be positive in the USA when I traveled to new york for the holiday, and they found my medication in my luggage, and they send back to brazil with no reason just because i was positive, and they offended me, because he told me that i went to usa the pass the disease to american people i love us ,and i no lott people in your country ,but i felt discrimination very badlly now i am going to therapy because off that. He make fell like a lepra. i was in your country many times before and was one american g who give this, but i am not gonna blame any one, and i am not gonna pass this, i believe in GOD and one day this is going to be pass, but until then you have to be happy, have the freedom to go anywere. i am sorry for this discrimination in usa.
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Comment by: james brown (tacoma,wa) Tue., Feb. 10, 2009 at 12:52 am UTC
I was diagnosed the day after Christmas 2008. When I first found out, I was in complete shock, since I only have safe sex. At first I wanted to kill myself because I had so many goals that I wanted to achieve. I wanted to have kids. Having HIV really puts my life in a different perspective, I am the type of person who stresses over every little thing so that definitely has been my main issue since finding out. My CD4 count is 396 which my doctor says is not bad but not good and my viral load is 3,180 which my doctor states is very low. I have spoken with my entire family and received full support without question. I was recently in two relationships, my most recent one is where I believe I contracted HIV due to the fact that I was informed that my current boyfriend had it which is why i got tested before my usual six month date. I guess what I'm asking is if anyone has any advice in how I can force my ex to get tested due to the fact that I believe he knew he had HIV and did not inform me?
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Comment by: Natalie (UK) Mon., Feb. 9, 2009 at 2:02 pm UTC
Hi! I came across this site as I was looking for information on HIV because I am a medical student. A big part of our teaching on HIV is about reducing stigma and being more open, something which is definitely not happening at the moment. I think a big part of that is because people aren't educated and they are frightened. I just wanted to say that I think this site is wonderful for reaching out to everyone, HIV positive or not, to answer questions and make communication easier. Reading testimonies I have definitely understood a lot more about HIV/AIDS, beyond the medical facts. I'm very grateful for this opportunity because it is hard to know what someone is going through, especially if you are too afraid to ask. Without knowing, you can't be compassionate or you can even be hurtful -- something which doctors, like all people, sometimes are. I was probably just as ignorant before I saw this site. I may have known what CD4 counts are, but I didn't know any of the other, more important stuff. Thank you for putting so much effort into helping the rest of us understand and good luck with everything!
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Comment by: V (Williamsport, PA ) Fri., Feb. 6, 2009 at 12:28 am UTC
I tested positive in September 2007. I am the mother of 3 kids (17, 14 & 7)and I have 1 grandchild.I hated telling my kids that I was positive (the older ones have known since 07) my youngest child I have just recently told her that "mommies blood is sick." I keep thinking to myself that one day I am going to make a difference and help other people that are going through the same thing and maybe my childen will also make a difference in someones life because they have seen the ugly side of HIV too. Its just I don't know where to begin, or if I really could make a difference. HIV is not only hard physically and mentally on the individual but also on the families. My kids worry about me from the first sniffle or cough that I am getting sick and I try to stay (for a lack of better words) positive and reassure them that I am going to be fine but sometimes I get scared myself. I just try not to let it show. In my "neck of the woods" it is a very hush hush subject and no one talks about "it" so there is no support groups, no one admits to having it (except for me I think) and either I get the cold shoulder or a very accepting response it just depends on the type of person I tell "younger" generation (very accepting) "older" generation.... well lets just say I dont tell everyone. I am amased at some responses though when someone finds out that I am positive and how ignorant some people are about HIV.... example: Can you kiss your children? Things like that is what frustrates me at times. I could go on and on but I will stop now, to all that have been positive for a long time... I look up to you for your guidence, and to all that are just finding out, it is a road that will have many bumps but you will find your way and stay strong.
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Comment by: LiveHopeLiveHope (Miami, FL) Thu., Feb. 5, 2009 at 8:32 pm UTC
I just found out that I am positive about 3 weeks ago. Last summer I was dating this guy whom I was very much into. Eventually we had unprotected sex several times. When things didn't work out, we went our separate ways.

I don't regret meeting him and I take full responsibility for my condition. However, I am not going to fall down because of this. I am getting my Masters in Literature and Writing this upcoming May and I'm already getting the help I need.

Thank you for your stories and if you have just found out, please don't falter. My life is not over, my life is about to begin.
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Comment by: lee (san francisco ca) Wed., Feb. 4, 2009 at 3:15 pm UTC
im lee, im only 24 years old and i was diagnosed just over 2 months back.. ive never really thought about it, till now. i havent told anybody, in fact im still in denial. as im writing this, im in tears because i had so many dreams for myself and now they all just seem to be so far away. in a way , i feel that i deserve it, because of the reckless life i lived. im actually from south africa and im terrified!! my mom is absolutely going to die when she hears, my sister is a doctor but i cant tell her... i know they are going to judge me, so i just walk around as if nothings happened.i keep thinking, maybe it was a false positive.. i keep hoping. i dont know when i'll be ready to deal with this
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Comment by: Dave (Yorkshire, UK) Wed., Feb. 4, 2009 at 10:52 am UTC
I was infected about 6 years ago and have been on medication for a year. Initially, I was very shocked, but at my first visit to my specialist I was told that the one thing I had to realise is that HIV, though chronic, is very treatable and that I should expect a normal life-span. Being told that was amazing. My advice:

1 Seek knowledge; don't worry because of ignorance. If you have access to the drugs, the treatment of HIV is one of the greatest medical successes ever.

2 Tell a couple of people whom you trust about your status. You don't have to tell everyone, but being able to talk to friends from time-to-time is useful - even if just to share good news about how your treatment is going.

Now remember. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life. Live it and all the others to the full!
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Comment by: Joel Schroer (Dayton, Ohio) Mon., Feb. 2, 2009 at 6:28 am UTC
I tested positive for HIV on Jan 12, 2009. I'm terrified! Today is my first appointment with a infectious disease doctor to determine my infection rate.
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Comment by: LH (Orlando,FL) Mon., Feb. 2, 2009 at 12:09 am UTC
I am a 28 year old male who have been struggling in life with emotional issues and recently finance issues. I have been diagnosed with HIV since the middle of December of 2008. I haven't fully accepted or comprehended any of this. I feel that I was infected intentionally, I beliee there are HIV positive people out there who don't care anymore. I haven't told any of my family , I have only told 1 friend and he was surprised but I have his support. I would like to take this opportunity to say" that "hope is the last thing to lose in this life". Yes life goes on, but for how long, when there is a lot of hatred, racism, bigotry, etc. I have not lost hope but i'm afraid of what's ahead.
I have comtemplated an exit strategy, but things happen for a reason.
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Comment by: ramzysgirl (nyc, ny) Fri., Jan. 30, 2009 at 8:56 pm UTC
i have not been diagnosed, but started a relationship with someone and had unprotected sex. I would never have done that, but now I've been dreading what I amy have done. I don't have any reason to suspect him of knowing and not telling me and I have only been with 1 person in the last 3 years. Still I have been so paranoid, I am thinking of ending the relationship because I am angry at myself. I am waiting another week to get tested and pray that it's negative. However, reading the above posts help to calm me down just a bit and I appreciate that. The lesson for me is that is can take just 1 time and it's really not worth the tormoil that follows even thinking 'what if.' I will come back to let everyone know what happened with me.
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Comment by: Alex Hunter (Hartlepool.England) Sun., Jan. 25, 2009 at 5:31 pm UTC
I'm alex. I'm a 23 year old male from the northeast of england and i was diagnosed on the 12/01/2009. It was a big shock to me, but i guess i'm just getting on with it. I got a great group of friends around me and i'm sure things are going to be fine. My advice is don't freak out. Try and relax. See a doctor and just go from there. This ain't the death sentence it used to be. if anybody would like to chat about things, please add me to msn it's
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Comment by: blessed one (Atlanta, GA) Thu., Jan. 22, 2009 at 2:25 pm UTC
I would really like to thank paronya for her comments. God provides hope for all situations!! HIV can be very devastating, but life does go on. You still have the same needs:to be loved and supported. Indeed God is good and his word is true. Thank you for reminding me of that this morning. Your words spoke life to my body and soul!!
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Comment by: paronya (sheffields,uk) Wed., Jan. 21, 2009 at 6:40 pm UTC
I was diagnosed in 2000 august when i was 23 and full of life. It was devastating and I could not think it could happen to me. My CD4 count was only 4, and the viral load over 60,000. i had TB, lost weight, the doc gave up and one junior doctor wanted to experiment on me after fighting with other doctors. It's been 9 yrs now and i live normal -- better than those not infected and am working towards achieving my goals i have wished when i was young. I am married to my lovely negative husband and we have been practising safe sex and we enjoy. but what surprised me is when i was diagnosed i was having unprotected sex. God is amazing, I am serving God because he picked me up from the dead. God has given me another chance. I don't mix up with the hiv patients, i have tried but some of them will stress you out, because some has symptoms, and some only speak about hiv. Take your meds, and the most healing is acting on the word of God, surely God is going to heal you. We also need to pray for our children healing. Hiv is only a disease. read your bible and build more faith to help yourself.
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Comment by: Happy (South Africa) Tue., Jan. 20, 2009 at 7:13 am UTC
I was diagnosed on the 27th of March '08. I do not know when I was infected. I was very shocked and scared. I did not sleep properly for days. After self loath and hate I decided to take control of my life. The only people who know are my boyfriend, who is HIV negative, my personal trainer, financial advisor and my 2 doctors.I read all the inspiring stories in my body and I really realised that HIV is not a death sentence. I pray, eat healthy and exercise. I want to thank you all for the wonderfull inspiring stories.
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Comment by: Nancy Santiago (Phila, Penna) Mon., Jan. 19, 2009 at 4:07 pm UTC
I was diagnosed in 2002. Was infected by someone who I trust and believe in. It was hard at first, try to take my life. It's almost 7 years later. I'm dealing with other health isssues that I find harder to cope with than H.I.V.. I have diabetes and as the years past it's getting worst. While H.I.V. is alright. No problems. There is other illness that can take you faster than H.I.V. My doctor tells me that the diabetes is going to take me before H.I.V. It's so hard to control the diabetes. Sometimes I'm under a lot stress. Money issues.Not able to work so I'm fighting with disabitily. H.I.V. oh you are dead, not true there is so many new meds and new ones coming out every year. Think positive, see your doctor, take your meds. Positive attitude, Family members are very important. Friends, support group. Think positive.Live each day like it was your last day.
Want to talk? This is my
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Comment by: N. Hixson (Cleveland, TN) Sat., Jan. 17, 2009 at 9:31 pm UTC
I was diagnosed 2 weeks after my 21st birthday in 2002. In my mind I was expecting to be gone by 30. Over the years you really do learn that it is not a death sentence. You will get over the initial shock, and life amazingly goes on. You will have your ups and downs, and the "why me" questions. You will learn just how precious life is and in my case have a competely different outlook on life. You will make it!! You start taking it day by day and appreciating everything you have and everyone you have in your life. Keep your head held high and know that you are not alone and you will make it.
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Comment by: kayongo Norah (kampala, Uganda) Fri., Jan. 16, 2009 at 9:30 am UTC
First of all be strong and make friends with medical personnel like med laboratory technicians,nurses doctors & nutritionists. Pray to God and live your live normally. But don't drink alcohol or smoke any more if you have been. The rest -- cross the bridge when you reach it.
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Comment by: Mark Stack (Atlanta, GA ) Fri., Jan. 16, 2009 at 6:55 am UTC
I would tell them that I am a survivor of 26 years with HIV/AIDS (April '83) and that they should listen to their Doctor. Play Safe, Don't be afraid, and love life, Also that this is a sign that they were living on the edge and going out of control. Step back and look at the way they were going really look at it and see if changes can be made ? If there is then make the changes to live a better life. HIV/AIDS is not a death sentance but a life sentence, and how they should change their way of thinking. I do not like taking pills for the rest of my life, but that is the path that I took. But if I can plant just one seed (of knowledge) then I just might have saved just one life. I only have one voice in this world, and if I can make that voice be heard, then my voice can become a million strong. I can not say I can help the whole world; all it takes is the one, then the world will follow. For the needs of the one weight heavy for the needs of the many. look at my web site that is my mission in life now. Help the one to help the many. Stop the spread of HIV/AIDS in our young people, for they are our future.
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