Hey everybody. At the beginning of June I volunteered for THRIVE! -- a one-day educational and empowerment workshop in Atlanta for people living with HIV. I love doing this workshop and think that it is a valuable guide for people on living a long life with HIV.

I started this workshop a couple of years ago. It was based on research in 1987 by Dr. George Solomon and Dr. Lydia Temoshok on how the mind and emotions impact the immune system. The purpose of their study was to understand how "long-term survivors" of HIV are different from people who follow the expected course of HIV disease. Through their research they were able to identify eight characteristics among long-term survivors of HIV.

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I was on my spring break and felt like I should do something "wild" since historically, spring break is the week that college students are supposed to "let loose." Since I am a 41-year-old student and not 18 anymore, I felt like making a visit to the New York City Museum of Sex was about as wild as I was going to get during spring break. So, for the price of $11.50 ($3.00 coupon deducted from the original price), I spent two hours roaming the exhibit halls of the Museum of Sex fantasizing about the life I wish I had.

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My heart is breaking. It is not breaking over a guy rejecting me or not paying attention to me but from the end of something amazing. I just found out that the AIDS organization I used to work for is closing. Although I have not worked at this organization in over seven years, some of the happiest days of my life were spent at that place and I'm feeling a little sad about its demise. I had such joy working for that agency. Working with and for people with HIV was a privilege and I felt grateful to have had that opportunity.

I started out working in the agency's outreach program, was later transferred to special events, and then ended up managing a two day education and empowerment program for people newly diagnosed with HIV. I was proud to be part of this incredible program -- it saved people's lives and it was inspiring to watch it happen right before my eyes. The program was founded by a person living with HIV and maintained its reputation as a quality peer-based program through the hard work and dedication of hundreds of volunteers living with and affected by HIV.

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Dating sucks. I hate it and wish I didn't have to participate in it. I realize that no one is forcing me to date, but does it have to be so complicated? Can't we just go out, like each other, find each other attractive, have great safer sex, get tested, get married, have kids, live happily ever after and avoid all the BS that comes with dating?

I guess I don't have to participate in the dating world, but I do enjoy a cute boy's company and if I'm lucky enough to be asked out, I usually take the guy up on his offer. The problem starts when we realize that we are attracted to each other. Of course, the guy knows from the very beginning that I work in HIV because I talk about it and am really proud of all the things that I've done. But I can't tell you how many times people have tried to talk me out of using latex condoms -- it's amazing. Do they think this prevention song and dance is only for the office? Am I going to throw everything I know out the window and act like I'm too good to become infected with HIV?

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"We must now do better at delivering prevention: less than 20 percent of those at risk of HIV infection are currently receiving such help."
--Anthony S. Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (Nature, May 15, 2008)

World AIDS Day has come and gone. The theme for World AIDS Day 2007 was "leadership." The commentary on the World AIDS Day webpage (http://www.worldaidscampaign.info) noted that this theme can be "as flexible as possible to accommodate a range of campaigning needs."

Isn't this type of "flexible" attitude around HIV part of the problem -- and the reason that we don't have the resources to get rid of this epidemic?

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March 10th was National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. Out of curiosity, I went to the awareness day website to see what events were going on -- what posters they had available, fact sheets, etc. I was shocked! The poster actually had a white female on it, but ... there were no fact sheets on white women and HIV.

Before you accuse me of being something that I am not, hear me out. I am sick of seeing posters that associate this disease with one race. Are we not all at risk for this disease? Why do the majority of HIV prevention posters, videos, etc. only target one race?

Yes, I know what the statistics say, and that we should target our messages to specific communities so that we are being culturally sensitive. However, no one ever targets my community (read: white, straight, female). Personally, I think we are doing a disservice to everyone by constructing posters that represent/target one race. Creating posters that represent EVERYONE seems to be the most logical way to get the message out that EVERYONE is at risk for HIV regardless of skin color, gender, sexual orientation, etc. I mean ... isn't that what we tell people? It is not who you are, it is what you do. Everyone is at risk for HIV, you can't tell who is "sick" by looking at them, etc., etc.

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eulogia, (Greek): meaning praise or blessing. This is the time to give thanks for a person's life and to honor his or her memory. This is not the time to bring up painful or difficult memories but to emphasize the good we can find in all people.

It has been well over a year since my friend Dan Dunable died. We think he died on October 4th ... but we are really not sure ... we don't know, we are guessing. What we do know is that he was dead when we found him on Wednesday, October 4, 2006. "We" included me, Butch, Jon, the Atlanta Police Department and the Atlanta Fire Department. It was a circus and a nightmare.

This is how it all happened: My friend Saul called me. He called while I was in my qualitative research class and left me a message. When I called him back, he asked me if I had talked to Dan. I asked him why and he told me that Dan's mother had been calling everyone, asking if they had heard from Dan, because she could not get in touch with him. I told Saul that I would swing by Dan's apartment on the way to pick up some Mexican food. If he was home, I was going to tell him that I thought it was mean to make his mommy worry and that he should call her back ASAP.

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"It is well established that language, in the context of HIV, is not neutral." -- UNAIDS

"It is well established that language, in the context of e-mails, is not neutral." -- Terri Wilder

"The AIDS epidemic has produced a parallel epidemic of meaning -- an epidemic of signification. The AIDS epidemic is cultural and linguistic as well as biological and biomedical." -- Paula A. Treichler

Have you ever thought about how we come to believe what we believe or why some people think what they think? Let me give you an example; or, actually, let me share an e-mail exchange between me and one of my not-to-be-named cousins.

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Hi. My name is Terri Wilder. I am a person ... a weird, opinionated, compassionate person who has worked in HIV for 18 years. I didn't start out in the field because I was personally affected. That came later. I started in the field because I was walking through the School of Social Work at the University of Georgia and found a brochure ... one brochure, announcing an AIDS-related workshop.

One brochure changed my life. I was so scared to go to this event by myself that I asked my dad to go with me. My grandfather had just died and I felt like I wanted to do something, anything to make a difference. Attending an AIDS-related workshop scared me a bit and I needed support.

After attending the workshop, I started volunteering at an HIV/AIDS service organization ... and 18 years later I can say that I have been a buddy to a PWA [person with AIDS], a buddy captain, a discharge planner, a support group facilitator, an activist, a writer, a case-manager, an STD hotline information specialist, an HIV program manager, an outreach volunteer, an HIV workshop volunteer, a Red Cross HIV employee, and a friend to many people living with HIV.

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