September 17, 2008
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11:34 a.m.
I'm tempted to begin with, "I'm Mark, and I'm a drug addict," because so much of my life is caught up in repairing the damage of many years of addiction. If you don't have experience with addicts, never fear. I can easily convince you how functional I am and have been: Years of leading an AIDS agency; long term relationships with well adjusted, handsome men; and a fairly successful vocation as a writer and columnist.
I wish I could tell you what to expect from this blog, but will guarantee only that it will be an honest account of my life living with HIV and as an addict in recovery. Beyond that, life is unpredictable so hopefully the blog will reflect that.
As you may have noticed, I'll be video blogging as well, which I'm really excited about because so much can get lost in translation -- humor, sarcasm, and other such tools I often call upon -- in the written word. Check out the video blog if you are able.
You may have seen my columns on The Body, archived here, or seen excerpts from my book A Place Like This or various interviews. I'm going to try and keep this blog much more casual than that, and definitely more up to date, so that my worries or rumination on life's ongoing wonders, jokes and ironies don't seem stale or overly written.
But these days it's the addict side of my identity that I spend the most time both addressing and running from. It's my personal bit of irony. Everyone should have one. But addict or not, I'm susceptible to the same anxieties as everyone else.
I'm worried, for instance, that Obama will implode and we'll wish we'd given Hillary "her chance." I'm worried crystal meth will bring all the same shameful baggage to gay men that AIDS once did. I'm scared of another relapse.
Thank God I still can find balance in my emotions, because I'm also grateful. That the country is gripped with interest and excitement over the elections. That HIV disease continues to become manageable in a way I never dreamt possible when I was diagnosed 25 years ago. And that today I didn't have to use drugs to change the way I feel.
So my feelings -- worry and gratitude -- are also fraught with contradictions, it would seem. Stick around. I'm filled with them.
I believe just as certainly as Eliot Spitzer -- the heroic New York crime fighter -- banged a prostitute, that the light and the dark are drawn to one another. Maybe that's why dawn and dusk are the most beautiful times of day.
In this blog I'll try and sort out my feelings on what's going on in the world. In the meantime, you can get a good background of who I am by taking a look at what's already available here on The Body.
Meanwhile, please be well.
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