My Fabulous Disease: A Video Blog by Mark S. King

Mark S. King
September 24, 2008

My Fabulous Disease
A Video Blog

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11:34 a.m.

I'm tempted to begin with, "I'm Mark, and I'm a drug addict," because so much of my life is caught up in repairing the damage of many years of addiction. If you don't have experience with addicts, never fear. I can easily convince you how functional I am and have been: Years of leading an AIDS agency; long term relationships with well adjusted, handsome men; and a fairly successful vocation as a writer and columnist.

I wish I could tell you what to expect from this blog, but will guarantee only that it will be an honest account of my life living with HIV and as an addict in recovery. Beyond that, life is unpredictable so hopefully the blog will reflect that.

As you may have noticed, I'll be video blogging as well, which I'm really excited about because so much can get lost in translation -- humor, sarcasm, and other such tools I often call upon -- in the written word. Check out the video blog if you are able.

Episode One

You may have seen my columns on The Body, archived here, or seen excerpts from my book A Place Like This or various interviews. I'm going to try and keep this blog much more casual than that, and definitely more up to date, so that my worries or rumination on life's ongoing wonders, jokes and ironies don't seem stale or overly written.

But these days it's the addict side of my identity that I spend the most time both addressing and running from. It's my personal bit of irony. Everyone should have one. But addict or not, I'm susceptible to the same anxieties as everyone else.

I'm worried, for instance, that Obama will implode and we'll wish we'd given Hillary "her chance." I'm worried crystal meth will bring all the same shameful baggage to gay men that AIDS once did. I'm scared of another relapse.

Thank God I still can find balance in my emotions, because I'm also grateful. That the country is gripped with interest and excitement over the elections. That HIV disease continues to become manageable in a way I never dreamt possible when I was diagnosed 25 years ago. And that today I didn't have to use drugs to change the way I feel.

So my feelings -- worry and gratitude -- are also fraught with contradictions, it would seem. Stick around. I'm filled with them.

I believe just as certainly as Eliot Spitzer -- the heroic New York crime fighter -- banged a prostitute, that the light and the dark are drawn to one another. Maybe that's why dawn and dusk are the most beautiful times of day.

In this blog I'll try and sort out my feelings on what's going on in the world. In the meantime, you can get a good background of who I am by taking a look at what's already available here on The Body.

Meanwhile, please be well.

To contact Mark, click here.

Reader Comments:

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Comment by: Husker (Nebraska) Mon., Jul. 20, 2009 at 9:34 am EDT
Greetings Mark! I have to start by saying how awkward it felt to sit down and buckle in for viewings of a gay man's blogs. Now, I'll explain. I am truly not a "gay basher" of any sort and I even had a childhood buddy who I was certain was gay. When he finally did come out, he would no longer come around to the "old scene" and we talk seldom. I guess I could be considered a "homophobe" by some. The reason I felt it is necessary to tell you this is so that you will understand how AMAZING your blogs are! Not only did you potentially and probably single handedly allow me to overcome my "fears" of "THE GAY MAN", but more importantly, you helped me cope with my first days of finding out I'm HIV+. I've indulged myself with your blogs and love your video blogs. I pulled a pistol from my mouth yesterday morning for one reason (at the time)- my will. I need to designate my personal belongings to my loved ones. I felt such regret that I more than likely have infected my girlfriend and don't know how to tell her and didn't want to face this issue (still have to tell her). I got on-line with a sobbing face and empty heart to fill out "will forms" and figured I would look at some HIV related stuff before I figured out a good way to end my sorrows. It was at that moment that I came across TheBody and "Mark's Blogs". Mark, my friend (Hope you allow me to call you friend), you have done wonders for me and I hope to have your enthusiasm! Please keep up the spiritual work you do because it brings life back to those in need! Literally! Your friend in Corn Country!

Comment by: Mark King (Atlanta) Tue., Mar. 31, 2009 at 11:04 am EDT
Nope, Sherry, there are many more video blog posts -- check the right side column on this page to see a listing of them all.

Comment by: Sherry (Denver) Sun., Mar. 15, 2009 at 9:16 pm EDT
is Sept 08 the most recent video? Written anything since "A Place like This? Sequal desired!

Comment by: dina (staten island) Thu., Nov. 13, 2008 at 12:03 pm EST
I have been subscribed to The Body for over a year now. Your blog is what I have been looking for. It gives me hope and makes me laugh. I have been in the field of substance abuse for 27 years. I have counseled many -- from adolescents to adults who ar HIV + -- but nothing prepared me to hear my child was positive. I gather all my strength and a lot of prayer for him and all who are infected as well as affected by HIV/Aids. Today my son is engaged to be married and is the greatest single father on earth, raising his son as such. My grandson is 8 years old and negative, my son's fiancee is negative and has chosen to stand by him, she is nothing less than my angel. Anyway, thanks for making me smile and I look forward to continuing to visit your blog. God bless!

Comment by: ItalianGuy (NYC Area) Wed., Oct. 15, 2008 at 7:56 am EDT
Great Vblog Mark! I have been poz for 15 yrs and I was in denial for at least the first 8 yrs. I was living as if I was going to die the next day. Self destruct mode. Many sexual partners and was rarely safe- I hate myself for that and live with that guilt. I have lucky now I have someone in my life that is neg and we have been together for 6 yrs. My health is great and I am glad that I was able to stop, look, listen and grow. Much Peace and love ;)

Comment by: Steve (Cleveland) Mon., Oct. 13, 2008 at 2:06 pm EDT
Hey Mark - Great vlog! The only way to get through some days is with the candor, humor and "don't take yourself too seriously" attitude you show here. As someone who tested positive in 1992, and probably converted in 1986, I can relate to so much of your story. I too have spent time in recovery and have been LIVING with HIV for many years. I have smoked, then not (for 8 years), and have been smoking again for 6 years. My quit date is 11/1! Also, as someone who generally takes pretty good care of myself, works out, and is a little narcissistic, I can relate to feelings of not wanting to have "the look". Although in some regards I consider it a badge of honor. I have had sculptra treatments 7 times over the course of about 6 years, and highly recommend it. I have been very happy w/the results. I did change meds when I started noticing "the look", which I think helped to halt any further lipo changes. Ahh, well, I could keep rambling, but will stop here...can't wait for you next installment!!

Comment by: Ron (Orlando, FL) Sun., Oct. 12, 2008 at 8:51 am EDT
Thank you, Mark, for your openness and willingness to share your gifts to the benefit of others. I am HIV+ and recovering from crystal meth as well. Using the latter to run from the former, I almost completely destroyed my life. I'm still rebuilding and at times, it seems almost impossible to overcome the obstacles I made for myself when I was using. People like you, sharing your experience, great attitude and hope, make a huge difference. Keep up the good work. You inspire me to keep fighting and start sharing. Be well.

Comment by: Janus (Pretoria, South Africa) Fri., Oct. 10, 2008 at 10:01 am EDT
Congrats! This is hi-density genius! I will keep a close eye on this blog.

Comment by: Koos (Netherlands Europe) Fri., Oct. 3, 2008 at 5:53 pm EDT
Hi Mark ... thank you for your blog I really appreciate your openness ... luckily meth has not set foot in Europe yet on a large scale .. good luck with your recovery and hope your blogging will add to the result!

Comment by: John (Ireland) Wed., Oct. 1, 2008 at 11:40 am EDT
Mark, I just want to wish you the best of luck and good luck with the smoking. Wish I could do it. Well maybe!

Comment by: jf (spain) Wed., Oct. 1, 2008 at 8:05 am EDT
HI. I enjoyed your blog very much. Looking forward to the next. Good luck with the no smoking.

Comment by: andrewdarlink (Sydney, Australia) Tue., Sep. 30, 2008 at 2:43 am EDT
OMFG !!!! you are fabulous. I've been positive since July 2oth 2007. And I'm 31( sorry 32) it's a bad habit, the whole age lie thing ...which makes me really gay ! Oh and I'm from SUNNY SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA

Comment by: Tuta Veloso Mon., Sep. 29, 2008 at 12:33 pm EDT
Wow...I know you are really gay...But, to do what you are doing you need to be a real man...Nice Job! You are brilliant.. I wish you success with your blog ...And I hope see you again someday... Tuta Veloso Fort Lauderdale/FL

Comment by: Brian Jackson (Atlanta, GA) Sun., Sep. 28, 2008 at 2:36 pm EDT
Hey Buddy, I am so proud of you. You have touched my life in a way that nobody has ever done before. I have you to thank for showing me the path too recovery and I will be forever grateful to you for that. I love and respect you so much. You are so caring, honest and giving of yourself it brings a smile to my face every time I think of you. Keep up the good work, you are going to great places.

Comment by: Ben (Ft. Lauderdale, FL) Sat., Sep. 27, 2008 at 9:44 pm EDT
Mark, that was great, entertaining, and a spot-on blend of light humor and seriousness. It seems from the preceding comments, a lot of people are enjoying it, and you should be proud of your candor and creativity. No one looks forward to your second blog, or act, more than me. Keep up the very good work.

Comment by: Joseph L. Cotton (Louisiana) Sat., Sep. 27, 2008 at 8:11 am EDT
Hey Kid, Enjoyed the Blog! So very proud of you! You were my first love and companion when we moved from Sheveport to New Orleans in the late 70's and I have you to thank for so much! Since I was the boyfiend mentioned in "A Place Like This" I feel so honored, I will be keeping up with all your future Blogs. Lots of love and respect always

Comment by: P Sue (Kansas City, Mo) Fri., Sep. 26, 2008 at 2:31 pm EDT
This is great. I'll be tracking you!!!

Comment by: Robert Darrow (Shreveport) Fri., Sep. 26, 2008 at 12:59 pm EDT
Congrats on the blog kid. From your childhood, gay, HIV+, activist, buddy. You make us proud!

Comment by: john (Paris France) Fri., Sep. 26, 2008 at 4:46 am EDT
Mark - Think of you often and am glad to see your blog finally made it on here. Although our paths only crossed for a brief time, it left an impact as I am sure it will to the many that will be exposed to your candor on here. I am glad to see you are well; and hope to catch up when I return to Atl...

Comment by: DJ (Brandon, FL) Fri., Sep. 26, 2008 at 3:25 am EDT
Hey Mark, I would like to say thank you for this. I really need someone to talk about being HIV positive. I just found out on monday I am positive. I have no idea what this means. I am scared and dont know anyone who is HIV positive.

Comment by: luis miguel (london, uk) Fri., Sep. 26, 2008 at 2:37 am EDT
Hey mark what a sexy great man you are!!!! God bless you

Comment by: Dan (New York City) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 7:44 pm EDT
Hi Mark, I've been HIV positive for five years now (after someone lied to me about his status), and I find your candor very inspiring. I averted a Meth habit as my instincts told me if I had done it again I would be addicted to it. Fortunately, I wound up in a clinical trial here and started on HAART within two months of seroconverting (the objective of which is to study if early intervention with meds is advantageous). I think it's made all the difference in the world health-wise (except for the side effects), but I still deal with the common concerns we all have. I've recently begun collecting disability as my only source of income. I struggle with thoughts of trying to rebuild my life or just "giving in'' to my long-time depressive disorder and managing the side effects of the meds. In short watching your video and reading your blog gives me hope. Bless you, Dan

Comment by: NL (Palm Springs, CA) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 3:06 pm EDT
excellent video blog, Mark. The honesty and openness that you so sincerely share with others is a testament to your ongoing commitment to helping others.

Comment by: David Morris MD (Atlanta, GA) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 1:58 pm EDT
Amazing Blog video with excellent execution. You had us from hello. Dr.Swartz and I applaud your candor and bravery. Your truth speaks out to all of us. We admire your strength of conviction and willingness to show your vulnerable side. We look forward to the next instalment. And Oh, by the way- stop smoking!! David Morris MD- HIV specialist Pride Medical, Atlanta

Comment by: Del Martinis (Houston, TX) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 10:31 am EDT
I like how you are so matter of fact, about everything in your life. You did say you have been real gay, always. Most of us have never done drag, and for fun, I perceive more as a Halloween thing, since for me, being gay is liking MEN! Otherwise, you sound well adjusted, and as you say ... HONEST! Thanks for sharing, since it will help many, I'm sure.

Comment by: Cathy (New Jersey) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 6:30 am EDT
Thank you for your blog. My son is HIV positive (doing well, but smokes cigarettes!) and I worry all the time and wish I could take it from him. You are going to help me get over it -- I see that you have a life full of the joys, trials, heartaches, fun and daunting challenges that make it interesting! Best of luck and love to you.

Comment by: Kevin Coutts (London United Kingdom) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 6:13 am EDT
Hey Mark! As a former 30-a-day smoker and only HIV+ since Dec 2007, let me tell you, if I can stop smoking anyone can! I found sucking (excuse the pun) on ice cubes helped me and also avoided much weight gain! I used the NRT patches for three days but found these, coupled with my meds, created pretty drastic mood swings! If you can be upbeat regarding lifes issues and can do this great blog then go the whole way and quit smoking! Bottom line is "SMOKING IS CRAZY"!!! Keep up the good work Mark! Kevin xxx

Comment by: Justin (London, UK) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 4:19 am EDT
Hi, Mark. I enjoyed watching you -- didnâ€™t think I would at first, but I did. I'm in my 20s and have been HIV+ for two years now. You're an inspiration. As Brian said (above), take care and stay healthy!

Comment by: Jonathan (San Francisco, CA) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 3:41 am EDT
Keep up your great efforts! You know you're a natural, maybe Logo will offer you a series. If you ever need to chat, feel free to call the Project Inform National HIV/AIDS Treatment Hotline at 1-866-HIV-INFO (448-4636). We'd love to be part of your blog! Looking forward to your lunacy as you reduce and quit your smoking. Congrats-

Comment by: Dave (VA) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 2:46 am EDT
Mark, I look forward to following your blog. I also tested + in '85. I was in denial until '95 when I got PCP. The new drugs saved me but not before CMV took most of the sight in my right eye.I've been on SSD since around '96 and have stayed healthy and non-detectable since starting the new meds.I too have "the look" as you call it.I will be watching with keen interest if you decide to try the sculptura treatments, although I don't know how I could afford it myself being on disability. It does affect my self esteem a great deal. I'm so glad you are staying away from the meth, I'm sure it's a struggle but it's obvious that you are very strong and don't need that junk. I've never been around it and would never want to. I've drank alcohol and smoked pot occasionally, but that's as far as I would ever go. I used to smoke cigarettes too, until one day I laid them down on the kitchen counter where knew I could easily have one if I just absolutely had to. I then decided that nothing, and I mean NOTHING, was going to be more important each day than my NOT SMOKING, even if I had to eat a bag of white cheddar popcorn everday while on patrol, (I was a police officer at the time) or just go to bed and punch the pillows. Also, I realized that I had to do everything in life that usually involved cigarettes, like having morning coffee, after a meal, after sex, when I became stressed or angry, having a drink, etc. at least ONE time, no matter how unfulfilling it was, it was still the MOST IMPORTANT THING NOT TO HAVE THAT CIGARETTE, and the next time, it wasn't such a let down or a shock, until I finally learned to do everything over again, without them, and it worked. I left the half pack of cigs and the ashtrays unemptied around for a couple of months until I realized that I was free from them, and would reward myself with other things for keeping that motto that "Nothing is more important than me not smoking, and I will not allow anything to force me to smoke."

Comment by: Uyghur (Urumchi city, china) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 1:52 am EDT
Hi, Mark! I have seen your video, not once, but twice. You did well for opening your positive life, I mean both HIV and optimistic life. I have been working on HIV/AIDS related project for 5 years in Xinjiang where located far west region in China. I am local people, but not chinese, we are another Turkic speaking Uyghur ethnic minority with 10 million population here. you may google Uyghur or xinjiang for more detail information. 90% of the HIV positive people are Uyghur minority, only 4% are chinese. but the government run up HIV/AIDS programs only by Chinese language. but the Uyghir HIV+ people really need to be educated by their own language, but they do this seldom, only spend the money for rescuing 4% HIV+ people... I really like your story and I will tell your story to the Uyghur people who are living with HIV/AIDS

Comment by: Matt Moovas Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 12:54 am EDT
blogging is surely a self administerd psychotherapy. In addition to helping King continue to deal with his status, it will keep we who are on the ouside live his experience, concerns, moments of sorrow and moments of happiness with him and in that way we shall be thankful to have been let into his life

Comment by: Robert D. Meek, Jr. (Loris, SC) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 12:07 am EDT
Hi, Mark. I have, thus far, found your blog & video quite inspiring. Please keep up the great work! I have been poz since 2002, for sure. Maybe 2001. I was diagnosed 2002, anyway. Mark, I cannot stress it enough, I am 51, I smoked 20 years, and for the last 2 years, I have been oxygen dependent 24 hours-a-day. One day I worked full time as a RN, 12-hour shifts, the next, I was disabled, and unable to walk through grocery stores, etc. This, of course, after becoming ill, turning blue twice, and almost dying. Did I know I was gambling? Yes. Did I think it would hit me at 48 & 1/2? Never. Working out is great for those T Cells, and I should have done so. You look fantastic, man. Just take better care of yourself, to inspire us all more, OK? - Robert. (PS - I can handle any videos but you on 24-hr oxygen!)

Comment by: alejandro hurt ado (vancouver, bc) Thu., Sep. 25, 2008 at 12:02 am EDT
That was so moving and simple, clean and light. I am also hiv+ and i'm going through a very annoying depression that won't go away!! Thank you for the fresh air. a. PD: Yes, You know to have chosen the most diffucult path. but, as you also know, it is the only one that'll take you back home. A hug. (ok, a few!)

Comment by: Brian (Toronto, ON Canada) Wed., Sep. 24, 2008 at 11:37 pm EDT
I throughly enjoyed your first blog and look forward to more. Good luck on stays clean and quitting smoking.. Take care and stay healthy

Comment by: Richard. (Caracas, Venezuela.) Wed., Sep. 24, 2008 at 11:12 pm EDT
You know I´ll follow this blog to the minute. Blessings. Ricardo.

Comment by: T A (California) Wed., Sep. 24, 2008 at 11:05 pm EDT
I just stumbled across this. As someone who knows Mark and respects him deeply, I am very excited to see him reaching out to all of us via this medium. He has only scratched the surface of his experiences and insights (at least from what I know of him!). I can't wait to see more. Keep it up, Marky... you ROCK!

Comment by: JK Wed., Sep. 24, 2008 at 10:46 pm EDT
Hey Mark! What a creative, splendid job. I will be your first subscriber! Fabulous is right...I wish you best of luck quitting smoking and staying clean.

Comment by: Antonio (Ecuador) Wed., Sep. 24, 2008 at 10:45 pm EDT
Very interesting! I will follow your blog

Comment by: Jim (Ft. Lauderdale, Fl) Wed., Sep. 24, 2008 at 10:33 pm EDT
Pay attention. We all have a lot to learn from this incredible man. He, even after running himself into the ground and breaking a heart or two, mine included, has so much love in him that he will help all of us for some time to come. Through laughter, pain, sweat and fear, we will all be better gay people for hearing him and learning without experiencing his life's trials instead of our own.

Comment by: (las vegas) Wed., Sep. 24, 2008 at 10:09 pm EDT
I applaud your bravery and look forward to your adventures.

Comment by: Patti (Nashville, TN) Wed., Sep. 24, 2008 at 9:25 pm EDT
Good job, Mark! My brother is and has been HIV positive since the late eighties. He lives 1,000 mi away and perhaps your blog will help me understand him. He has said that I am not sensitive to his needs... quite frankly, I thought that I had been as supportive as I could be 1000 mi. away. However, best of luck to you...in your recovery and in attempting to quit smoking. I was a great 'smoker' for over thirty years and quit. An anti-anxiety medication (Effexor) helped me not go ballistic -- unlike the many attempts before; that...drinking lots of water and breathing like I did when I inhaled cigarettes just without the cigarettes. It gets easier and success after six months is just about imminent. So, hang tough...I truly feel better than I ever have and I am in my late fifties. (By the way...you are darling and look much better as a guy!) Hang tough...your blog has real potential in helping folks!

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VIDEO BLOG:
My Fabulous Disease

Mark S. King

Mark S. King has been an active AIDS activist, writer and community organization leader since the early 1980s in Los Angeles. He has been an outspoken advocate for prevention education and for issues important to those living with HIV.

Diagnosed in 1985, Mark has held positions with the Los Angeles Shanti Foundation, AID Atlanta and AIDS Survival Project, and is an award-winning writer. He continues his volunteer work as an AIDS educator and speaker for conferences and events.

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