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HIV/AIDS Resource Center for African Americans
Kai Chandler Lois Crenshaw Gary Paul Wright Fortunata Kasege Keith Green Lois Bates Greg Braxton Vanessa Austin Bernard Jackson

Raven Lopez

January 2006

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Disclosure, Relationships and Sex

How have your relationships with family and friends changed since you were diagnosed?

OK, well, my family is excellent. No matter what, they love me. You know, I'm their niece, I'm their granddaughter. Nothing has changed. With my friends ... yes, I lost a couple of friends in school. But that was in elementary school -- now I'm in high school and I have all of my friends. When I was in junior high, when I was growing up, yes ... people used to make fun of me. Now that I have grown older, I know how to deal with it and stuff like that.

How do you decide whether or not to disclose your HIV status to someone?

If I see that you're very close and you're nice and you're not the type of person that will tell everybody, "Listen, that girl has the monster," I will probably pull you to the side and tell you up front, like, "Let me tell you one thing right now. I'm HIV positive and either you want to be my friend or not." But some of my friends, they are like, "Oh, Raven, you are just saying that to make me feel sad for you." And I'm like, "No, it's really true." So I'll bring in a POZ magazine, and they will see for themselves and be like, "Oh, wow," and they get emotional and all that kind of stuff.

How safe do you feel telling people about it?

Um, I do be scared, because I don't know how they're going to react. Like, suppose I be thinking that they will be like, "Uh, Raven, get out of here. We don't want to be your friend no more." And I think that it will go around the school. But then again, I know how to deal with stuff like that now.

What is the best response you have ever gotten from telling someone?

All of my friends that I told, they all got emotional and they all started crying. But all of them, they said, "No matter what, Raven, we will still love you and you will always be our friend."

What is the worst response to telling someone?

Oh, when I was in Catholic school, one of my teachers asked my mother if they had to wear rubber gloves in class. And kids used to make fun of me. One time a girl said, "You can't sit on that chair, 'cause we are going to catch it through your clothes." It used to be so much drama that I couldn't take it no more, and that's why I had to leave Catholic school.

Where do you go for support?


I get support from my friends, my family ... from everybody. Like when I'm down or depressed or whatever, all my friends -- they always have my back. They're like, "Listen, Raven, we understand." I have a loving family and friends.

How does your church address HIV?

Our pastor, she's a lady. When I first told her ... well, it was my mom that told her ... she took it OK. She started praying for us and stuff, because at that time I was dealing with a little sickness. So, you know, she prayed and did spiritual baths for us and stuff like that.

Do you feel accepted as a person with HIV there?

Yes, they were very supportive.

How has dating been for you?

Well, I just got over one not too long ago ... last year. I disclosed that I was HIV positive to my boyfriend. At first, he had a suspicion because I told him how my mother got it. He used to always ask me, "Raven, do you have it?" And I always used to tell him no, because I did not want to lose him. But on New Year's night -- not the New Year's that just passed, but last year -- he came to my house and I told him. And it was like all of the emotions just came out of him. He started crying, I started crying. And like, he was scared that he had it at first. But my mother told him that he won't have it because, you know, this and that. And, yes, we did have sexual intercourse, but we used protection. But ... it was a lot of stuff that was going on between me and him, not just because of [HIV]. He didn't really know what to do with himself, so I said, "Whenever you're ready to come back in, you can come back." But right now he's dating another girl, so, I don't know. That's it.

Have you faced much rejection from potential partners?

No, not really. All of my partners that I go out with now, I tell them from the beginning. I tell them, "Hey, I'm HIV positive. Either you want to be with me or not." And sometimes they don't believe me. They be like, "Raven, you're lying. You just don't want to be with me." And I tell them the truth like, "Seriously, yes I am."

Do you have a policy about if or when you tell a potential boyfriend that you are positive?

No, because I will never go out with another boy at my school. Everybody in my school ... once you do something or go out with somebody, the whole entire school knows. I didn't think that he [former boyfriend] would do something like that, because he always told me, "No matter what, Raven, even if we hate each other, I would never disclose your business to someone else."

Was he older or the same age?

No, older. I was 14 ... he was 17.

How do you tell someone who you want to date that you're HIV positive?

I sit down and talk to them. I always ask them, "If you had a girlfriend that you really loved and then she told you that she had HIV, what would you do?" And at first, I hear how they act, like, "Oh, I wouldn't go out with her ... I wouldn't talk to her." And I'm like, "All right ... I know not to tell this person." And sometimes they are like, "Oh, if I really love her, I would stay with her." So then, right there I know that I could tell him -- and that's when I tell him.

Do you feel that if you practice safe sex, it is necessary to tell a sex partner that you are positive?

Yes. Because, God forbid, if something happens and he finds out before you even tell him ... So I think you should tell him.

Resolutions, Adventures and Wishes

Did you make any New Year's resolutions?

To pass all of my classes and to get out of school.

What's the biggest adventure you've ever had?

Wow! My biggest adventure I ever had was when my mother called me and told me that I am one of the Millennium Dreamers that McDonald's has. If you are a Millennium Dreamer, you are offered a trip to Disney World for like five days. She told me, "Raven, you're one of the Millennium Dreamers." And I was like, "Oh my goodness!" I was so happy. I was packing all of my stuff already. And I met Christopher Reeve. And I was like, "Oh, that's Superman!" I was so happy. I couldn't believe it.

When was that?

This was in 2000, I think.

If you were granted one wish, what would it be?

Um ... let me see ... my main thing right now is just to find a cure for this disease.

What books, movies, music or TV shows have had a big influence on you?

I like That's So Raven. I like The Parkers. I like One on One. Books? I like to read books with drugs ... where there is money, sex and all that kind of stuff. I like the movies Selena, Honey, Love and Basketball, and I like that movie Space Jam for little kids. I get into little kids' movies a lot, too! I like Finding Nemo. I like Cinderella. I like hip-hop, reggae ... any kind of music! I'm a Ja Rule fan. I don't like 50 Cent for nothing. But my husband is Li'l Romeo!

Is there anything else you'd like The Body's readers to know about you?

I'm a very cool person ... really nice. And I'm a loving person. I'm caring.

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