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That Night

November 2000

spent kissing kissing your
neck and wonderful lips luscious
   to feel
     so lovely into the night
       touching you
          in places that I rarely
go to/went to and feel that fine fine
to find also, the sleep
that I wished for.

Fourteen years past and I'm still kicking
kicking myself
still trying my best to stay vertical
standing up     up to my needs     new needs
of drugs of rest of future
Perhaps too of death this stupid
death that we all wonder too much of

3:00 a.m.
his name was Fernando and we would do
coke on the terrace of his place
looking out over the quiet
English Bay quiet after
a strenuous fuck quiet our bodies weary and
docile. Gently touching and
touching feeling this man.
This lover.

Living the high cost of love. A cruel new
tax luxuries savored like in an
amusement park -
quickly, joyously brutally at times and
in time
finding myself on that scary ride
down down plunging down
the raucous roller coaster
plunging down
heart hard heart cold to you
and . . .
    do I dare
    to reach to reach
    up to reach up to you
    to claim mine luscious love?


This article has been reprinted at The Body with the permission of AIDS Project Los Angeles (APLA).

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This article was provided by AIDS Project Los Angeles. It is a part of the publication Positive Living.
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