How To Connect With Straight Positives
on the Internet

Straight people with HIV don't have the same social benefits that many urban areas provide to gay men with HIV. For many heterosexuals who want the same levels of social acceptance and support that we have achieved in homosexual communities, nothing really exists.

The "heterosexual world" does not offer socially-sanctioned support or acceptance to heterosexuals with HIV. And even if we did all love and appreciate one another, sometimes we want to be with people just like ourselves.

So where are straight guys and chicks to be found? I don't see them anywhere! There is no straight SexVibe or even Frontiers. The Red Onion doesn't host a night for HIV-positive people to mingle, and T.G.I.Fridays doesn't post HIV information at the door.

Gays blazed the trail

Because of the hardships that many gay men and lesbians faced when coming out, the gay community set up many supportive services and structures. This meant that when HIV made its headway in our direction, we didn't exactly have to reinvent the wheel.

The women's health movement of the '70s and gay rights activism really paved the way for HIV services and activism. After a somewhat rocky (and well-documented) start, the gay community ultimately picked up the ball and ran with it. It seems that most AIDS-service organizations and AIDS activist groups sprung forth from gay hands.

I don't think that the same sort of situation exists out there in the less cloistered world of the heterosexual with HIV. Unfortunately, in the big, bad world out there, neither of these movements made a whole lot of impact, so when HIV started to appear in the heterosexual community, they had no idea where to start.

Due to an overwhelming consciousness of HIV as a "gay disease" (remember GRID?), the prevalence of homophobia, and lack of access to information about services for people with HIV, AIDS-service organizations were only able to serve the people who knew that they existed and were willing to come to them. Therefore, their services remained oriented to predominantly gay male clientele.

Many agencies are grappling with ways to become more accessible to heterosexual women and men. Activities and support groups aimed at attracting straight people living with HIV are now in place.

But what about people who aren't interested in supportive services? What about the ladies and gentlemen who just want to make friends or find people to date? What about people who aren't interested in services from an ASO?

There just isn't the same level of acceptance as there is in the gay community, and there isn't a lot of publicized information out there. If there is a heterosexual HIV community, it's hard to find.

A bounty of services

All I have to say is: "Thank God for the Internet."

Web sites have been established by people whose sole intention was to meet straight people with HIV, and to help other straight people with HIV get to know one another. For those who have Internet access, there are many free, web-based e-mail services you can access from any computer by a modem.

I know that not everyone owns a computer, but AIDS Project Los Angeles and some other organizations provide computers for individuals to use, free of charge. If you don't have regular access to a computer, or computers are not your communication-method-of-choice, I would venture to assume that sending an introductory e-mail or postal letter to some of these people will get you a bunch of phone numbers and mailing addresses.

For less computer-savvy readers, many of the sites mentioned here feature listings of people who are looking for pen pals. Most of these sites provide links to other sites, and, perhaps more importantly, mailing addresses to other heterosexuals who are out there trying to hook up with each other, and with you.

Certain pitfalls to the Internet bear mentioning. When you are on the computer, you can present yourself however you like -- and so can everyone else. Please be cautious. Things (and people) aren't always what or who they seem to be.

Although these websites are created and maintained by other HIV-positive people, the sites are accessible to everyone. Think carefully before posting your home address or telephone number. Posting an e-mail address or P.O. box is generally safer.

If you hook up with someone on the Internet and you plan on meeting in person, do so in a public place. Bring a friend along, or let your friends know where you will be meeting. The Internet can be seductive, and you may feel that you know someone well after exchanging a few e-mails. But you never really know someone until you meet them face-to-face. On the positive side, there is a world out there full or potential friends or lovers.

So what are you waiting for? Join the party!