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I Still

By Gene Valentine

July 2004

The Last Word: I Still

I still ...
miss you even if you don't miss me.
think of you even if you don't think of me.
wonder whether you were really my special friend or just
another man playing pretend?

I won't believe that it was a lie, that all the love,
passion, lust, tears,
laughter, & joy you gave me were untrue but where are you
now? I'm still here
waiting, wondering where you've been & do you still call
yourself my friend?

I still ...
question if you really cared when I became sick & if so,
why were we over so quick?
need you to hold me & tell me how you'll be there 'til
the end.
long to hear your voice again.

It's been 333 days & 999 pills. The virus is at bay now,
but like all enemies
I know that it's lurking in the shadows of my t-cells.
I wonder did this virus touch you too? & if so what will
you do?
Did the meds make you sick? Did you take as many pills as
I or was it 999x3?
I wonder did you sleep well or were you in my same hell?

I still ...
miss you even if you don't miss me.
think of you even if you don't think of me.
want you to be my friend even if you can't make love to
me again.

I still ... I still ... I still ...

Back to Body Positive magazine, Vol. XVII, No. 2.

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