I Deserve a Medal!

I deserve a medal. Yes, I do! You see, as a child I survived sexual assaults by members of my family. I go through fits, flashbacks, nightmares, headaches, severe depressions, and extreme nervousness. I've been through a war you couldn't believe. War veterans are decorated for their injuries; they get a Purple Heart. I'm wounded and mentally disabled. I've survived 48 years of this war through the grace of God. I've been fighting for my dignity, personal power, safety, and freedom since infancy.

I deserve an award -- the highest one for my heroism. I propose a Black Heart of Valor. While I'm at it, I think I ought to be recognized for all my campaign battles. I want to be honored for all of the sexual assaults I've endured while out on the streets and here in prison.

Instead of living in fear and harboring my secrets, I want to be able to point to campaign ribbons and say, "I have survived being raped by my oldest brother, molested by one of my uncles, beaten and sodomized by my cousins."

I could use a cluster of stars to illustsrate how I survived the time my brother and some of his friends got drunk and sexually assaulted me when I was a child of nine. I'm really tired of being a faceless statistic. I'm not alone. I want to be believed. I want to informally indict each and every one of my perpetrators.

I want to be acknowledged for my bravery. I want others like me to find the courage to step forward and break the silence that keeps us hidden, makes us feel so alone and isolated. I want a ceremony too! I want all of us -- women, men, and children -- to heal from the shame and devastation of our battles fought, lost, and endured.

Imagine what it would be like if men could admit that they had been assaulted, could overcome the stigma of loss of power and maleness. How healing this all might be. I'm in prison serving 25 years to life, and I've been here since 1974. I've lost all of my family and friends on the outside, and I need someone to hear my cry for help to ease some of the pain I endure.

If you want a really good friend who knows how to keep it real, please write to me.

Back to the March 2000 Issue of Body Positive Magazine.