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HIV/AIDS Blog Central

Monogamy for Life Can Be Tough; Taking Meds for Life Is Hard Too

By Reggie Smith

September 24, 2014

Love and happiness, Something that can
make you do wrong make you do right;
Something's going wrong
Someone's on the phone
Three o'clock in the morning, yeah
Talkin' about How she can make it right, Yeah
Well, Happiness is when you really feel good about somebody,
There's nothing wrong with being in love with someone
Make you do right ...
Love'll make you do wrong ...
Make you come home early ...
Make you stay out all night long ...
The power of love ...
Love is ... wait a minute ... love is ...
Walkin' together ...
Talkin' together ...
Say it again ...
Say it together ...
Mmmm ...

-- Rev. Al Green

I started having sex in elementary school most days on the back staircase during lunch. Afterwards, my little girlfriend and I played punch ball in the schoolyard with our classmates. When I turned 14, I met my next childhood sweetheart. Soon after, she and I joined the birds, bees, and more appropriately, rabbits in doing what came natural. As a teen, premature ejaculation took work to overcome. I really wanted to please my mate, so we put in lots of work. Sex has always been fun and something I wanted to share with many, but from little girls to grown women one thing seems to be a constant; women and girls usually want to be the "only" one, and men usually want more than one. God sure has a sense of humor, doesn't "He"?

Like Barry White and the Love Unlimited Orchestra, I've got so much to give. In most cases, multiple concurrent sexual relationships can be chaotic. Don't get me wrong, I know there are people and cultures that are able to separate sex from ownership of their sexual partner by virtue of the fact you "did the nasty" together. It seems inconsistent that in Western culture, we "learn" about sex as if it's some kind of sport we play; with diversity, endurance and orgasms being the goals. At the same time, most people (especially women) demand, or at least expect, exclusivity with their sexual partners. I guess people think that the rules of engagement, fear of disease, conflict or pregnancy are enough to keep a person monogamous, but human instincts (lust) make having one sex partner at a time challenging for many. Who made these rules anyway? Why do people go to such extremes to keep/enforce those rules? Even lusting in one's own mind can spark jealousy and challenges to one's relationship.

The perception that we own our spouses and sexual partners is at the root of many personal and world conflicts. Fear of consequences is often the thing that is used to maintain loyalty, but fear and intimidation only serve to stir the mind into resistance. It makes "cheating" more exciting. Men's egos want to be in control. Our physical advantage over women and children often cause violence. Women's desire to be the one and only one can cause ... well, men to lie. Just when men reach the age where they're more able to control their sexual urges, they reach midlife crisis and start seeking what they "missed." Simultaneously, women are going through menopause. Long-term relationships, like the one God has blessed me with, are magical when achieved, but you can't fake your way through. We feel lots of things, but feelings are not facts; actions are what matter. We should be able to be honest about that, shouldn't we? Are lust and/or masturbation forbidden too?

Friendship and honesty has been the foundation for our long-term relationship. Respect and love are the things that keep relationships monogamous. It is about attraction not intimidation. Sure, being afraid of the consequences that often come with breaking those solemn vows we make when married to not commit adultery will work most of the time. Like in all things, at some point, only a connection with a higher power will attract us to a higher place. There our minds can go beyond lust and compulsions. Relationships are the merging of our individual frequencies. The chord we create together should be harmonious and attractive. Two people (of any sex) in a relationship are like music, and God is the highest note that we are trying to merge into. Like with all music, there is always a new hit coming, but there's nothing like a timeless classic. When we are having honest conversations about the nature of our lusts without the drama of preconceived ideas, is when humanity will grow. I think now is the time to RISE!!


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More Personal Accounts of Heterosexual Men With HIV/AIDS

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RISE4WAR -- Focusing on Wellness, Awareness and Recovery


Reggie and Dionne Smith

Reggie and Dionne Smith

My name is Reggie Smith. My wife Dionne and I have lived with AIDS since 1984. I am HIV+, she is not. We have experienced the suffering of families affected by HIV. With the love and support of many, we have focused on sharing holistic healing solutions for the infected and affected in an effort to diminish the stigma and increase awareness about the unmet needs of U.S. families and surrounding HIV. You are most welcome to share with me here and at my website, ReggieSmith770.


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