May 31, 2014
Thursday 1:32 am
Right now, I'm holding MADISON (my iPad) feeling completely and utterly overit.com, as if life's obstacles aren't problematic enough with so many layers and barriers presented to road block me. Oh the shade!
Today was definitely one of those days when I wish I would have said no.
At my inner city villa, I received a text message -- you know the one we keep telling ourselves not to hope for but do anyway ... the, "I'm wanting to be back in your life after failed attempts to be consistent but wanna make it up to you please baby give me one mo' chance" text.
Mikey Mike (I promise this is the last time you will ever read anything about him) decides he wants to follow his inspiration and contact me after the bullshit he'd already put me through. I knew better than to dwell into the past. In case you didn't watch the video from the previous post, let me give you a quick overview on our connection or rather the lack thereof.
Rewinding back to January ...
Initially, I met him on Jack'd and in person after a few days of texting and phone conversations. I received a message while at my former part time job suggesting to meet up at Bulldogs. Despite my 12-hour shift fatigue, I went anyway.
Twenty minutes of swimming through a hole in the wall full of drunk patrons shoulder to shoulder later, I parked my heels at the outside bar with January wind calmed and the KIDZ immersed. I found myself engaging conversation with a gentleman waiting patiently in line for the fast paced bartender to give him his drink order. His name was Rob, a handsome chocolate-covered older gentleman visiting from Charlotte for the weekend. While thrum into conversation and laughter, there he was, Mikey Mike staring me down seductively as if I was a Snickers and he was hungry so why wait! Met his friends who all tried hitting on me behind his back. One of them even went as far as to get a handful of my booty. I politely bent fingers and gave a look even Death couldn't deny.
"Does that belong to you?" I asked babyishly.
When he answered the obvious "no" I turn and walk over to Mike at the bar buying me yet another drink. From proposing a change of mind from one of his "friends" getting with him to Mikey's ex laying in his bed waiting when I go to his house in Decatur, to eating dried macaroni and cheese (yuck), to Mikey's roommate (the one who gave his ex a key to their house) attempting to kiss me while Mikey and his ex "talked" to being dropped off at a bus stop in a Mercedes when clearly he could have taken me home and everything in between. Clearly, I was in no way shape or form looking to see him ever again. Yet here I am reading his message after some time had passed.
Believe me when I say the struggle is real. Didn't expect to be hit by this bus neither did I believe I had to collect myself after the shit I just read.
Fast forwarding to this morning:
"I wanna see you today, do you have to work? Are you still single?" texted Mike.
Immediately, my planned productive day was halted by the answering of my hormones' prayers! Finally male attention coming through my threshold and amazingly already en route to a job interview not far from where I lived. Running through my villa, sprucing, pulling out the sexy underwear and making my place not look like I didn't care, I was more than excited to spend a day with someone who I've been secretly wanting to see. However he wasn't in my immediate thoughts either. Mike, in short, has done some really fucked up shit, and here I was giving him yet another chance to redeem himself (I'm way too nice!). At Civic Center train station, Mike in his trench coat awaits for my arrival while I'm surprised by Atlanta's delightful decision for this cold front approaching in the middle of what's supposed to be spring. We retreat from the cold, however, he wasn't exactly as warm as I thought especially when he's trying to make up for past mistakes.
First it started with his needing for some MARY. So we went to FIVE POINTS and found a gardener until my personal one was available to stop by the villa (on my dime of course). When we returned, I rolled up two and instructed him to get comfortable. The initial plan was for Mikey to stay the entire day and night with me, which was looking promising. Then Momma Lyn stopped by to blow one in the air and Mike decided he wanted to have a bit of an attitude which I found rather ironic since he lives in a house with three other roommates, including his best friend who, once again, tried kissing me. But whatever, I can share the peace pipe with whomever I choose. When Lyn exited, he finally began getting undressed and comfortable and yet still on his phone texting. Completely removed from the moment altogether.
That shit is simply rude! How are you begging me "baby-baby please" one minute and then completely disconnected the next while having your wants met and then getting bitchy because one of my friends came to see me. The majority of the time we did spend was spent with him on the phone texting and disengaged. I, on the other hand, attempting to make an effort to be Betty Homemaker by going in my fridge and cooking some breakfast (which was my last bit of food left). Inattentive and still on his cell phone, Mike wouldn't even lay next to me or perform any intimacy whatsoever. Then there's a knock at the door. Tom-Tom, my gardener, standing 6'4 brown skin and straight enters and delivered some Earth. Mike of course was once again cold and again distant. He didn't even muster the decency to speak. In my mind I'm like "WTF!" Why are you being such an asshole to my friends? Slowly I was beginning to regret even answering the text ... but the fireworks are just beginning to be lit.
Two MARYs later, Mike got in the mood, not knowing the omelet wasn't enough for him, he's eaten up everything I had leaving me with nothing, not even a slice of bread. Yet here he is suddenly wanting to give attention while his dick grew and grew. At this point he'd explained why he was on the phone so much. His "brother" was giving him some money and needed to meet at Lindbergh train station. Hmm ... Lies. I felt it in my gut the moment he said it, the way his eyes weren't looking into mine like before and if his brother had a car then why did you have to leave to go meet him when he's taking FISH* (a biological female) to your apartment and your place in Decatur is my direction. I didn't say anything. I decided to let it play out. I decided to soak the bullshit all in. When I gave him the "n***a I know you're lying" look he responds with "I'm coming back ... I promise."
Yikes! Don't lie to me and then end with ..." I promise" because that's the quickest way of finding yourself in the wilderness lost. But being me, I went along with it. Mike also made it his task to ensure he was bringing back food for me. Ha ... another lie. But I'm jumping ahead of myself here. With dick hard as sheet rock, Mike's aggressive demeanor truly turned me on along with his "Houston boyish charm." Plus, in my mind, I knew what this really was, I knew he wanted to fuck and all of the sweet nothings, ambition and tenderness was nothing more than a fake ID to get in my "hot club".
"Let's wait for later on tonight ... why are we in a rush?" Perplexed, Mike felt the need to go ahead and pursue his true M.O.
Disappointed and slightly annoyed, as much as I was needing some sexual healing and feeling, I honestly wanted to be held and here he was not fulfilling my needs, yet all of his were met. So I once again reverted back to the settling Antron I diligently work hard not to revert back to. I had a weak moment. So instead of voicing my disdain I, as usual, rolled with the punches and allowed Mike to take over and deny my true feelings. It was a time frame of wrestling with my horniness and my heart. The horniness won this battle. Why not accept him for what he is - a duck. He's quacking, smacking and cackling (on the phone) like a duck ... so I just said to myself "Chile ... ride him to oblivion and say thank you and be done (no pun intended)."
Finally! I thought to myself, after all of this "Where's Waldo," he performs male attention I've been craving for. Two days prior to his random visitation I'd shaved my back door cha-cha and a hair bump formed. Nothing serious. However when he was "feeling around," I began giving him lip service Mike places me onto my back and inserts himself, teasing pleasurably my hormones. Then he pulls out. After a few wack ass pumps he pulls out. WHAT THE FUCKERY! He literally stops and grabs his pants thus commencing getting dressed. Confused by his sudden action, I laid in bed looking around wondering where Ashton Kutcher and his cameras were feeling Punk'd.
He closed the bathroom door, which I found odd since I just saw all of his package, Mike resurrects only to begin asking question regarding my health.
"Are you taking medications?"
While puzzled I answered him and continued solving this mystery of sudden 21 questions. He knew about my status, I mean, really I'm on billboards and displays across the country for CDC's "Let's Stop HIV Together" posing alongside my best friend looking fab. So trust me, if the world knows, he definitely would know since he's entering my body. The phone rings, Mike takes the call into the bathroom. Oh so now he wants to be 007 and shit. A series of questions began rushing through and then it hit me like a raging runaway train crashing my soul. At this point, I knew I would never see him again. A dressed Mike exits the bathroom silent and cold once more. Aware of what was to come I decided to humor him as he's standing in my threshold lying once more-this time not making eye contact whatsoever.
"Are you going to give me a kiss before you go" were the last words I would utter to him. Not knowing he'd stolen my MARY to take to the next fuck. When I texted him a question of whether we were eating out or in, his reply ... "Why! What do you want?" I knew then he wasn't coming back.
The saga continues ...
I awoke in the middle of the night feeling some kind of way about the series of events from earlier. Grabbed a glass of water when the alert from MADISON sounded informing my new text messages. It reads:
"Just getting in, didn't appreciate the warts I felt all in your ass. So that's why you wanted me to fuck you later the night so I don't see anything. I LIKE TO SEE the pussy I'm fucking. Plus I don't need no HIV on my dick. And your breath ain't right! You need to get all of that fixed and stop trying to give people something!"
BITCH! When I saw this I replied:
YOU HAVE ME REALLY EXTREMELY FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW, WARTS! REALLY?! YOU REALLY BELIEVE I WOULD DISRESPECT ME AND ANYONE ELSE THAT WAY! INSTEAD OF ASSUMING YOU NARC! YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED AND I DIDN'T KNOW A HAIRBUMP WAS PLURAL! YOU STOLE FROM ME AND THEN YOU LIED, ATE UP MY SHIT IN THE VILLA I RESIDE in SINGLY AND YOU HAVE NERVE TO TALK ABOUT ME WHEN YOU LIVE WITH THREE OTHER PEOPLE BARELY WITH A POT TO PISS IN, NO JOB,BEGGING ME LIKE BIGGIE SMALLS AND YOU'RE JUST A SAD LONELY DWARF WHO WILL ALWAYS SEEK TO FILL A VOID! N***A, WHILE YOURE SO BUSY LETTING YOUR DICK NAVIGATE YOU TO YOUR NEXT VICTIM YOU MET OFF FROM JACK'D WITH THE MARTA PASS YOU STOLE AND THE GREEN YOU TOOK WHY DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THE NEXT BITCH WHOSE GOING TO GIVE YOU EXACTLY WHAT YOU DESERVE. BETTER YET WHY DON'T YOU STOP KIDDING YOURSELF AND JUMP OFF A BRIDGE. YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP YET YOURE JUST EVIL AND ANOTHER THING ... YOU PULLED OUT BECAUSE YOURE A ONE MINUTE MAN AND DIDN'T WANT TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF. YOU TRIED IT WITH MY BREATH! THAT'S FINE BECAUSE CREST TOOTHPASTE AND I ARE FRIENDS. YOU JUST WANTED TO HURT MY FEELINGS. WELL, FUCK YOU VERY MUCH AND HAVE A BLEACH ON THE ROCKS ... ON MY TAB. YOU HAVE A NICE LIFE AND GO TO THE HELL YOU BELONG TO. BTW! YOUR MAMMY!
Baby, I'm sorry, I got scared, I really like you and I can be myself with you. I didn't know what else to do. Please give me another chance.
And of course my last response:
Ha! Oompa Loompa! MAN-UP! DON'T CALL, TEXT OR BREATHE MY NAME. DELETED!
I must admit he did hurt my feelings, yet I realized I allowed this dragon into my castle instead of letting his stay in his dungeon. So I took responsibility on the part of having knowledge he was a bad seed and still tried to make it grow. You can't change anyone or assume they've changed so quickly. Change comes with wisdom and process and I again should have known better. Mike taught me a lesson and it's important ... never invite winter death into spring harvest. In other words, let the past stay there and rot!
Until next time my loves, I have more epic sagas to come. Stay tuned!