May 7, 2014
To start off, I apologize for it taking so long for me to write another post. I have still yet to hear back from my doctor about the biopsies that were taken at my last appointment, and all this waiting has had me kind of in a funk. Whoever said "No news is good news" didn't know what the hell they were talking about. Not knowing is driving me crazy.
Along with all of that anxiety, I am also just starting my final exams for the semester so naturally that has added to my anxiety levels even more. I have gone through a months worth of meds in a lil over a week.
Lately, I have had no energy and am needing to nap almost everyday for at least a few hours, and I am still going to bed by 2130 or so each night. I have not felt this drained of energy since right after my diagnosis. I really hope it is not a sign that something is wrong. Even when I do lay down to either try and nap or go to bed, my mind is saying "F YOU!" and it wants to start running wild even though my body just wants to quit.
I have taken up yet another hobby to try and ease my mind some. I have started trying to learn the art of bonsai. It does bring some inner peace because I love working with nature, but still I am having a hard time controlling the racing thoughts that are ever present.
If you follow me on twitter as I hope most of you do, you will notice that I have changed my display name from Brian[AMarineAndHIV] to USMC Bromo. I did this for a few reasons. Yes I want to still work and help educate about HIV but I do not want HIV to be the one thing that defines me because I am more than just three little letters. I also feel that with the old name, most of my targeted audience were people already in the HIV community. I am hoping that with the new name I can attract more people from different backgrounds who may not be as educated on the subject and through that I can help educate some of those people and maybe help them in not making the same bad choices that I have made.
That is pretty much all I really have to say for now. I promise I will give an update when my doctor finally calls me with my results. And hopefully after the next week when exams are finished I will finally be able to just relax some and meditate which I have not been able to do in a while.
Visit Brian's live blog at www.AMarineAndHIV.com.