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Trying to Find the Ups, When All You See Are the Downs

May 19, 2014

Hello and first of all may I just say wow!!!! Okay, so your girl has been MIA for the ending of last year and the beginning of this year. Last year was kind of a whirlwind for me. For those of you who follow me you know I just had a baby last year. During this time my family was going through a kind of transition period. I usually can always find a positive out of something. Except for the ending of last year up to just recently I could not. Since my baby is fifteen months I cannot chalk this up to my hormones still being out of whack. I am going to take a slight detour off this subject and I will get right back to it.

First I will discuss my meds and my doctor and all of that good stuff and then finish up.

As usual I have been taking my meds; but I hate one thing that my old doctor in Colorado did that my new one is doing. You might be asking yourself, well, what is it that the old doctor did? Let me tell you, every time I would go into the office to get my normal check of lab results and the whole deal, he would always ask, "Are you sure you are taking your meds every day?" Not the typical questions of "Are the meds causing you to feel ill, or anything strange?" -- questions that to me show that my doctor has concern for me, and are not just results based.


I did put up with these lines of questioning for several years until I got fed up of hearing them, and of being second guessed. To make a long story short, my new doctor does the same thing. It has only happened once though since, I usually deal with the RN. I had been thinking to myself that if this happens again. I will be finding a different specialist in my allowable area. I do not know why it bothers me so much, but I do know if a doctor asks me the same question, they do not trust what I say as honest. If that is the case, I need a doctor who is a little more compassionate and caring.

Back my original topic at hand to discuss. They were so many different situations that came up and they caused me to be very unhappy. For me, I am usually very smiley, upbeat, just loving life no matter what is going on. During this transition and all these different situations, I could not find a way to come out of my sad funk. I was literally a basket case and emotionally I was trying to stay strong through everything and that just did not work. What I actually end up doing is crying out my frustrations in a closet.

Now, I am not sure if anyone knows about that, but I am sure I am not the only one. At times life does get us as people to a point where we feel it is too hard to cope and deal. I did find that for me crying it out alone works wonders. Doing things with my hands, whether it is a hobby or a game on my tablet or phone, also helps. Now is that how everyone should handle tough and serious things in their life? No, I would never say that, but one thing is true: Trouble comes, but it does not last always. Everyone knows after the storm the sun will eventually come out and you will see a rainbow. I really was wondering why do I keep finding downs and I cannot see any ups? It is just a storm passing through and as the saying goes, "What does not kill you makes you stronger."

I will leave you with this: If life has got you down, grow through the circumstance, do not just go through it. After that trial or tribulation that you overcame, you will look back one day and say: I have been through worse; that was nothing.

~Smile! Birds will sing!~

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Enough Negativity!

Teniecka Drake

Teniecka Drake

Since her HIV diagnosis in 2001 -- and her marriage, and the recent births of her three children -- Teniecka really has been taking life for more fun! She's spoken nationally about living with HIV, been in Ebony Magazine, and now she's blogging to encourage other HIV-positive people in times when they might need a boost.

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Teniecka Drake: Balancing HIV Advocacy, a Husband and Three Young Children (March 7, 2011)

First Person: Teniecka Hannah (April 3, 2007)

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See Also
When Everything Seems to Be Failing
After the Storms, a Rainbow Will Come
Lessons Learned When the Labs Go Awry
10 Things You Can Do to Enhance Your Emotional Well-Being
Depression and HIV
Feeling Good Again: Mental Healthcare Works!
More Personal Viewpoints on Coping With HIV
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