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Fucking Love Sex

By Brian Ledford

January 26, 2014

*Disclaimer: If you are offended by the use of certain words and people being blunt then please get over it.

God I LOVE sex. I mean I really fucking love it, but I guess that is what got me in my current situation.

Yes, there was a time when I wanted nothing to do with sex. It was right after my HIV diagnosis. I did not feel like even being touched, I truly thought of myself as one of those "untouchables." It has taken some time for me to get that drive back, but boy when I did it came in like flood gates being opened (no pun intended.)

Now don't go getting the idea that I just run around sleeping with anyone and everyone. I left those days behind me a while ago. But lately I have found myself thinking more and more about good ol' dirty-sweaty-sex. You know the kind I am talking about. Like when you are done you are warn out past the point of exhaustion and needing a cig. I am feeling like a teenage boy again who gets a raging boner when the wind shifts.

Feeling like this again has made me think (when I am not thinking about sex) that maybe I am just using sex like a drug. The "drug" is the sex itself and the "high" comes from the human connection, but with any drug that high does not last and I keep wanting more. It is not really the sex I am wanting, instead it is the feel some kind of human connection/embrace.

I know I am no the only one out there that is doing this and to be honest, I do not even think of it like that when I am in the "mood". All I am thinking is I need my "fix." Just like nicotine and caffeine, it is something else I have become addicted to.

It is those addictions that are getting so many of us into trouble. We get use to getting that fake high and we want more and more. We must stop using meaningless sex to give us that "high" when what we are really wanting is a real relationship and true companionship. (Now I am not going to get started right now on dating and relationships in the gay community because Lord knows I could go on about that for a week.)

When we realize that using sex as a drug and chasing that high is doing nothing but putting us at harm and others at harm, then and only then can we start to break that addiction and change the course of new HIV infections.

If you are like me, you are still going to go out there and look for a good lay and I see nothing wrong with that from time to time. We all know we need it. Just be safe, there is no point in risking your health or risking anyone else's for a one night stand. Also remember those one night stand will not give you that feeling you are really wanting, trust me I have had enough of them for all of us.

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