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Who Infected Me With HIV?

A Video Blog

October 19, 2013

When I was infected with HIV, I called the person who I believed in infected me, I got him tested and he was positive also; that happened in 2006. All these years I thought I knew who infected me. But something came up a couple of months ago. I got a phone call from a friend who said that we had sex unprotected some year back. I honestly had no idea, but I knew we had sex before about 3 times. I do remember all the times we had sex, but I didn't know that one of those times was unprotected. I must say he didn't know he was HIV positive at the time either, but he found out later. When he had eventually found out, we had already lost contact.

It is now 2013 and the same handsome man called me after watching and reading my blog. He had told what I had mentioned above. I do believe him and we are still friends. I can't blame him because it took two to tango and it was consensual sex. But now I'm at an impasse, and I don't know what to do.

Should I investigate further and find out who infected me? Or should I move on and live my life without that answer?

I've lived my life thus far not knowing, but I gave myself a false knowing of who infected me and now I just don't know. Maybe I unconsciously knew that there may have been another sexual encounter I had that may had infected me with HIV.

Even if I find out who infected me, will that make me any happier? Will is close a door that wasn't meant to be opened?

All I know now is that I took solace in knowing who infected and I lived my life for me and my family. But will I stop doing what I'm doing and being who I am because of this. The answer is NO. I now take solace in not wanting to know who infected me but in my husband, my son, my friends and family. These are the things that truly matter to me. These are the things that will always matter to me.

However it would be nice to know ...

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This article was provided by TheBody.
See Also
Day One With HIV: Finding Out Your Status, in Your Own Words's HIV/AIDS Resource Center for the Newly Diagnosed
More "Just Diagnosed" Stories

Reader Comments:

Comment by: Enrique (Tucson, AZ) Mon., Nov. 11, 2013 at 11:09 am UTC
And what DID come first, the chicken or the egg? I'm not trying to come off negatively or sarcastic but for ME that question holds NO merit. Truth of the matter is, if I DID find out who infected me what is the next move I make? Do I hunt this person down and confront him/her? Do I fight them? Beat the crap out of them with ALL of my anger? Do I spread accusations and rumors and falsehoods around the globe about them?
No. Because, like you mentioned takes TWO to tango. I am as just responsible for my infection as that other person. So what, will I hate MYSELF? fight and destroy MYSELF over this?
The way I view it for me is it does not matter and shouldn't matter who infected me.
It's almost like getting into a car accident. I took the risk by driving that day. Stuff happened. I'm in a wreck. Maybe that guy is guilty or maybe I am partly to blame but it happened. Now, how do we fix this mess? I'm just trying to give you some perspective on this question. The important thing for ME to remember and do is to learn from this, get right back up and live my life the best way I know how.
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Comment by: ntshadi rose mokwena (pretoria mamelodi) Tue., Nov. 5, 2013 at 9:43 am UTC
I'm scared to test but I'm dying to know my status. I just find out yesterday that my ex boy friend wife she's hiv positive, that makes my ex positive too, The reason why I'm dying to test is that I slept with him two months back and we didn't use protection. I need someone who can encourage me to test before is to late.
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Replies to this comment:
Comment by: Daddy Bearby (Birmingham, Al) Thu., Nov. 7, 2013 at 6:43 pm UTC
Honey by all means if it means u can get started on treatmenr sooner they why wait !
I say this because I was one of those that never had an idea that he was until being taken to the hospital to learn I had pcp and the ensuing blood tests revealed my hiv status and since then by adhering to what my id dr said then learning to be my own health care advocate I began to thrive not just sit around and wonder what will tomorrow bring because " WHAT is tomorrow never comes " ?

Comment by: Sasha thomas (Los Angeles, CA) Thu., Oct. 31, 2013 at 10:22 pm UTC
Hello Justin,

I am sorry to hear of your HIV status. There are different strains of HIV, so maybe if you learn which strain you have and the strains your two previous partners have and if one of them has the same strain of HIV as you then maybe that is the person who infected you. Also, if all three od you have the same strain then maybe the first partner infected you and you infected the other person. I totally would want to know when and how I contracted the disease, but it is probably more important to focus on the things:we can change. You stated that your partners were nice and there was no mal intent and that you were a willful participant, so you knew the risks and it is just best to focus on your bright and wonderful future. i do however, hope you are able to learn the truth, but it was not an intentional act, just the case of people not knowing their status.

Good Luck
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Comment by: Green (London, UK) Thu., Oct. 31, 2013 at 7:16 pm UTC
Hi Justin,

Thanks for posting your blog. When I first discovered I was HIV+, I wracked my brains about who I could have got it from and narrowed it down to two people - one was an older guy who I think was HIV+ and didn't know it and probably had a very high viral load, the other an HIV denialist who believed the whole thing was made up by the pharmaceutical companies to earn money(!)

I told both about my HIV when I was diagnosed, and received a reply only from the 'denialist' commiserating. No word from the older guy, so I sent him a further message some time afterwards - not accusing, just saying I hoped he was now receiving treatment. Again, no word.

So to cut a long story short, in the end I realised that I would never know how I was infected and, as you said, it takes two to tango - I was a willing participant and can't blame either of them for what happened. Personally speaking, it won't help me in any way to know who infected me. Perhaps it would be different if I knew that they well aware they were HIV+ at the time but ultimately it still doesn't change anything - I have to get on with my life and bear my responsibility for what happened. I guess everyone's circumstances are different though...
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Comment by: john swanson (Denver) Thu., Oct. 31, 2013 at 4:04 pm UTC
The reason an automobile's window is larger than it's rear view mirror? It's more important to see where you're going to where you've been.
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Replies to this comment:
Comment by: Justin Terry-Smith (Laurel, MD) Thu., Oct. 31, 2013 at 6:33 pm UTC
Exactly!! Great advice!! ;-)

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