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Working on ME to Make US Stronger

By Brooke Davidoff

August 14, 2013

Working on ME to Make US Stronger

And then Myles turned 3.

The little boy who keeps me on my toes 24/7, who has never had a mother without a deadly disease, who has been on meds since he was in my belly.

Now we spend 24 hours a day together. I was jealous when my husband was a stay-home father. Waking up and going to work six days and 44 hours a week was a pain in the ass.

Hello summer, stay-home mommy and freedom; I can't lie, I LOVE IT.

We wake up and watch a cartoon of some type, I make breakfast, we eat and then get dressed, we dance and work out. We go on walks around our complex, we color and we clean house, we read books. Who could miss work?

We have organized his toys, his closet and the kitchen. I alphabetized our DVDs. We play with or tease and chase the dog and cat. We make lunch, sometimes we nap, we plan dinner around 9 a.m.

Sometimes I write my book.

I dream about my father -- a lot.

We take meds together -- me my pills and he Flintstones vitamins. We even take bubble baths together (I wear my bathing suit). He washes my hair and my back and we have a lot of FUN together. He helps me cook and clean, we "chit chat" often.

I'm working on ME to make US stronger.

Working full time when you are a newlywed diagnosed with AIDS while pregnant is hard, and then you throw a freak accident and a dead parent into the mental mix and a break was the furthest thing from my mind. Work work work till I'm numb was my road.

As it turns out, if your parents sign divorce papers while you are on your honeymoon, it seems the walls you were going to take down, because "yeah you're married," never seem to fall. In fact they grow thicker and taller and then bam bam bam the bad news began to roll in like thunder. And my poor husband on the outside, thinking he's on the inside with me, was kicked out of my mental and emotional psyche.

It's taken me a few months to SEE the hole I dug for myself, and summer with Myles is helping me out. I feel the sun and feel like we're a family for the first time in a long time. Three is going to be a good year for us.

Related Stories

What Did You Expect While You Were Expecting?
Caring for HIV-Negative Kids (and Yourself) in an "HIV Family"
Oh My God, We Made a Person
Personal Stories: Mothers

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Voice of ONE

Brooke Davidoff

Brooke Davidoff

Brooke grew up in San Diego, Calif., and from a young age she wanted to change the world with her words. She has been writing poetry since 1992, and majored in journalism in school.

She was diagnosed with AIDS when she was eleven weeks pregnant in her first year of marriage. She is now a single mother living in Long Beach, Calif.

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