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What's Monogamy Got to Do With Marriage?

Study Notes and Anecdotes From LGBT People in Committed, Non-Monogamous Partnerships

June 25, 2013


Lanz Lowen and Blake Spears

Lanz and Blake

Based on your experiences and study findings, what are some key words of advice you want to leave with people negotiating the openness of their relationships?

  1. You have to come to some kind of agreement about opening or not opening the relationship. If the agreement isn't solid with strong commitment from both parties, it's likely to rear its head repeatedly and in ways that aren't very re-solvable.
  2. You have to find a way that works for BOTH of you and fits your relationship. We were struck by the diversity of models and their tendency to evolve over the years.
  3. Honesty and forthrightness are essential. Anything less quickly begins to undermine intimacy and trust.
  4. Communicating directly and frequently is extremely helpful, although even couples who espoused this sometimes said they didn't do it enough.

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